The Epic Austrian owned R16 from Germany doing French things in a Parallel Universe near England Saga

[Slowsilver]

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that the fault was rather trivial and 100% Austrian in nature:

 

My metal jerrycan, strapped to the inner strengthening panel, had shifted backwards, due to the enormous acceleration forces

all those 54 PS provide due to my Unbritish driving style, and shortened the exposed contacts of the right hand taillight to Earth.

 

Removing said jerrycan and thus leaving the exposed contacts exposed led to the light switch returning to non smoking mode.

 

 

Not 100% non-French.

Non-French are normally considerate enough to put covers over exposed contacts.

So still at least partly FRENCH!

[Junkman]

FYI, this is the only factory approved trunk usage pattern:

 

 

Is it also mandatory to carry a grinning Muslim lady genuflecting on the rear seat watching over it?

[pshome]

Is it also mandatory to carry a grinning Muslim lady genuflecting on the rear seat watching over it?

Yes, absolutley mandatory. She was free with every export car, did you check under the carpets?

Certainly still somewhere, may have gotten a bit rusty overtime though.

[Junkman]

Not 100% non-French.

Non-French are normally considerate enough to put covers over exposed contacts.

So still at least partly FRENCH!

 

Non-French might have also provided for some form of fusible link melting before light switches or jerrycans do.

Or am I too racist now? Then again, since when is it racist to slag the French in a derogatory manner?

[Junkman]

Yes, absolutley mandatory. She was free with every export car, did you check under the carpets?

Certainly still somewhere, may have gotten a bit rusty overtime though.

 

R16s don't have carpets. They have rubber mats instead.

Those were indeed removed, as you can see earlier in this thread, but said lady must have fallen through the gaping holes in the floor a long time ago.

[forddeliveryboy]

Could have been worse than a smoking light switch had the jerry can been leaky - I once started a bit of unintentional welding in the boot of a car when the wheelbrace slid over the battery, whose cover had slipped off due to more of this UnBritish driving. Think it should be UnEnglish really, the Scots generally conduct themselves very well on their McAdam.

 

It was only a rear seat passenger who asked why there was a bright light and smoke coming from under their backside. Amazingly, no damage done other than to the confidence of non-paying passengers.

 

 

.. and when they were done using it for the DS, there was nothing left for the 2CV and its cousins.

 

I must have driven the only 2cvs and Dyanes - and the occasional Ami which had superb brakes, then. Sure, those with drums on the front needed 30 seconds of manual adjustment every 6000 miles or so, but that was in the days when cable brakes were still in living memory.

[Junkman]

Sure, those with drums on the front needed 6000 seconds of manual adjustment every 30 miles or so

 

FTFY

[Slowsilver]

 must have driven the only 2cvs and Dyanes - and the occasional Ami which had superb brakes, then. Sure, those with drums on the front needed 30 seconds of manual adjustment every 6000 miles or so, but that was in the days when cable brakes were still in living memory.

 

EDIT: Are you sure its not 6000 seconds of adjustment every 30 miles?

[Junkman]

If they are anything like R16 rear drums, which they are, then yes.

Which reminds me that proportioning valve and handbrake adjustments are still on the to do list.

I dread this so much, that I prefer to drive around with shit brakes.

[Slowsilver]

Non-French might have also provided for some form of fusible link melting before light switches or jerrycans do.

Or am I too racist now? Then again, since when is it racist to slag the French in a derogatory manner?

 

Ou est la boite a fusible?

Gallic shrug.

[Junkman]

But there is this:

 

 

LWIII

[D Spares & Tyres]

Non-French might have also provided for some form of fusible link melting before light switches or jerrycans do.

Or am I too racist now? Then again, since when is it racist to slag the French in a derogatory manner?

No its fine to abuse people of different races so long as the politically correct types consider them equals and they look kind of similar

 

Its not OK to slag off nations that they consider beneath them...

 

The French are fair game, carry on

[Junkman]

[Junkman]

To be fair, though, very few of the problems encountered hitherto were really French.

A lot of them were self inflicted Austrian.

[egg]

I'm a quarter French and love to have a dig. Carry on.

 

I'm amused my great grandfather blew up the railways he worked on, allegedly, during the war while in the resistance. What could be more French then self destructive job creation?

[Timewaster]

I scanned over the lights /smoke post, saw something about the lights not working, saw something about a Jerry can...

 

Thought : Oh no! Thats too much.

 

You can't burn it just for that!

[Junkman]

ATM I'm still glad it didn't auto ignite, which wasn't far off.

[forddeliveryboy]

EDIT: Are you sure its not 6000 seconds of adjustment every 30 miles?

 

f they are anything like R16 rear drums, which theym are, then yes.

 

 

Yea, much more like that, especially when they weren't set up right. But the one and only 2cv drummer on which I replaced all the shoes and cylinders all did actually last 6000 between adjustments - it was my best mate's wife-to-be, and she drove like the clappers everywhere. Plus a brilliant handbrake, which was ruined when they introduced discs.

 

The front drums on Dyanes were massive, finned and did the job with less effort. In many ways the braking was better with four drums, because the rears did a lot more work, but still wouldn't lock before the fronts.

[Junkman]

because the rears did a lot more work, but still wouldn't lock before the fronts.

 

That's what I'm procrastinating to achieve.

Wish me luck. Either way.

[forddeliveryboy]

So all that's left now is adjusting the proportioning valve

 

 

If that proves awkward to get right you could reduce the shoe friction area or put a couple of restrictors in the rear lines. Good luck, not that you need it with old French cars. You've already survived it's attempts to catch fire, without luck coming into it..

[wuvvum]

I'm amused my great grandfather blew up the railways he worked on, allegedly, during the war while in the resistance. What could be more French then self destructive job creation?

From what I could ascertain during my time living in France, the proportion of French men born prior to 1927 who claim to have been in the Résistance is approximately 115%.

[wuvvum]

.

 

 

You'll be able to recreate that pic without using Photoshop MS Paint soon.

[Junkman]

Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

[Junkman]

Today I removed the temporary windscreen washer solution (<- see what I did there?) Mr Conelrad had rigged up for MoT purposes

and attempted to replace it with a worse one. The original.

Sadly the reason why this was disabled in the first place revealed itself today. The foot operated mechanical pump in the footwell is leaking.

New pump on order from Holland.

 

Consequently the impeding GGG road trip scheduled for tomorrow will be wilfully committed with a non roadworthy death trap.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I'd better get my coffee jar back.

[Junkman]

Advanced temporary screen wash technology hardware safely saved.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

For safekeeping, put it in your brown wheelie bin until I can collect it. 

[Junkman]

It's carefully stored in the dungeon.

[Junkman]

Breakfast.

 

[Junkman]

I will never get another parking ticket in Paris.

 

 

 

 

Anyway, we drove a long, long way and arrived at a fellow shiter's place.

 

 

 

 

TITS!