The Epic Austrian owned R16 from Germany doing French things in a Parallel Universe near England Saga

[chaseracer]

^ Vernacular cultural reference confusion scenario 

[alcyonecorporation]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Cleon-Fonte]

Doing any work on brakes that have been serviced less recently than yesterday lunchtime is always a pain in the arse, especially if they're French brakes.

 

Surely with the bleed nipple it's just a case of re-tapping the thread, without the need to pay a man in a boiler suit? All the threads on the BX's rear calipers were re-cut by me and I haven't died yet.

[wuvvum]

I firmly believe that I'm the only dolt who orders a stash of parts without checking what is needed beforehand.

No, you are not.

[vulgalour]

It's not you that's at fault, it's the car.  When it comes to Renaults, it's ALWAYS the car.

[Junkman]

m9, surely? 

 

M7 m8, not M9.

If they were M9, m8, it would be easy.

[Junkman]

Doing any work on brakes that have been serviced less recently than yesterday lunchtime is always a pain in the arse, especially if they're French brakes.

 

Surely with the bleed nipple it's just a case of re-tapping the thread, without the need to pay a man in a boiler suit? All the threads on the BX's rear calipers were re-cut by me and I haven't died yet.

 

Do you have an M7 x 1mm thread cutter, m8?

[Cleon-Fonte]

I do indeed m8.

[Eddie Honda]

M7:One of me all-time favourite threads of all time m8.

[Junkman]

I do indeed m8.

 

Who in his right mind would only heroes have an M7 thread cutter, m8.

[Junkman]

Right. Where were we?

 

A lot of rather frustrating repair attempts later, I gave in and ordered a new brake caliper.

We couldn't extract the slug and every engineering company it was taken to looked at it as if it were a glowing piece of Plutonium.

In the end, I got this Fiat unit:

 

 

It has the connectors in slightly different locations, but is otherwise the same.

Since the financial impact was by now severe enough, I decided to throw some more money down the drain

and bought some fresh brake fluid.

 

 

Bleeding bleeding that bleeding thing was no fun at all, but I herewith declare the brakes fixed.

Well, apart from the handbrake that is, which still only bites on the last notch despite the adjuster is at its very end.

But at least the pedal doesn't give me that sinking feeling anymore.

 

May I also remind all those MoT apologist clowns, that it had passed a test with those shitty brakes,

but was written up for some stupid holes in the floorboards?

[Junkman]

The real problem is however, that no matter how difficult a job and how much it pisses you off,

it rewards you with this:

 

 

And once you have this, a life without it is impossible.

[Cleon-Fonte]

If only all obscure, unobtanium car parts were interchangeable with readily available bits of old Fiats.

[Ghosty]

All that work for an MOT and now it's exempt...

[Junkman]

All that work after it passed an MOT and now it's thankfully checked by someone who knows cars.

 

EFA

[somewhatfoolish]

Who in his right mind would only heros impoverished owners of fucked old citroens have an M7 thread cutter, m8.

EFA.

 

I have one too(an M7 tap that is, the car was flogged years ago).

[Junkman]

Sadly retapping the old caliper, which actually isn't old at all, wasn't successful after all. The thread was just too borked.

Luckily enough the Fiat caliper works with very little modification, in fact the only alteration necessary is shortening

the threaded bit of the brake flexi by hacksawing a bit off.

I wonder whether Fiat flexis could be used, but I don't know what the other end looks like.

In any case, this is a viable workaround which isn't mentioned on any related websites, or forii.

 

Note: It will only work on R16s with second generation front brakes, which it turned out mine oddly has despite it shouldn't

 

In any case, a road trip is planned for this weekend, so stay tuned for more hilarious French style escapades.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

A one owner 16 has been spotted in Northern France, on the coast in fact.

 

 

[Junkman]

The brakes are still utterly shit, but don't tell anyone, especially in the shadow of that stupid no more MoT thread, which is just stupid.
I mean, honestly, I had to live to the age I am in to read that much concentrated horseshit.
 
Anyway.
 
So I woke up this morning, and my sleep coma was interrupted by Mr Conelrad.
We went on a mission. A mission to improve® The Climate.
This happened at an hour that would be made a capital offence if I were dictator.
We saddeled the R16 and set off to the heartland of the Northern Powerhouse.
There we collected Cleon Fonte, purveyor of fine shite and always impeccably attired.
We continued our tour in a Northwesterly direction that culminated on the Leeds ring road.
Now, I have seen a lot of pretentious things in my life, myself included, but I'd drop down dead,
if that fucking Leeds ring road wouldn't get the cake.
Now there is a fucking ring road, that outringroads the Mfucking25, the Mfucking60 and if there
were a ring road around Greater L.A. combined!
I swear to God, no matter where you're from, or who you are, you haven't seen such a ringroad
in your dismal shitty worthless lives!
It's the most fucking terrible ringroad of the fucking Universe.
It's the fucking most pretentious waste of tax money this World has ever seen.
If there were any aliens or fucking lizard people, they'd say, you know what, there is this fucking
ringroad around half of Leeds, you can't fucking miss it, let's land our UFOs right on it.
This is a Ring Road to serve a fucking Metropole, for chrissakes, but it merely serves Leeds.
 
It's shit.
 
And the signposting is even worse. It's British. The most dismal signposting the World has ever seen.
Just travel.

[Junkman]

So off this ringroad, mind, I had to travel the fucking World to encounter such a goddamn wanked on ringroad,

I found myself in a back alley. They say it's in Leeds, I say it's in the middle of where you don't want to be..

And there were people you'd run away from if it were nighttime.

 

 

Fucking run!

 

Also note the woeful piece of German tat in the background, more of which later.

[Junkman]

Well, inside one of those 5th World (they don't have sheds like this in the 3rd and 4th World anymore) ramshackles there was this:

 

 

Don't let those apparently busy people fool you, it got worse.

[Felly Magic]

I used to drive the Leeds Ring Road service 8/9, and it is an utter fucking joke, Leeds road planning depts over the decades are the most clueless fucking idiots in the world

[Junkman]

Mind you, this was in midst of an 'affluent' area, thus the only infrastructure within half a mile is one of those newfangled petrol station complexes,
that sell you food devoid of a single vitamin for 2 Quid something and charge you for the fucking air you breathe.

Hence there is a permaqueue of MILFS, you know the kind, driving Jokes and wearing those stupid cardigans that are longer up front than out back.

Because sexy. My poor Dillywong falls off in slices.
 
Anyway, the rear wheels of said chod were seized solid, in fact those Juveniles undid the lug bolts while the shite was jacked up at the rear.
So my call of duty was to get them fucking rear calipers off despite everything was a single crusty mess. It might have passed a fucking MoT though

for all you peace of mind for a year deranged triple pyramid freemasons apologists.
 
Needless to say, that I succeeded, of course, and thus said chod was rolled out into daylight for the first time since humankind can remember,
if you count them fucking Pharaoes in.
 

 

[Junkman]

I used to drive the Leeds Ring Road service 8/9, and it is an utter fucking joke, Leeds road planning depts over the decades are the most clueless fucking idiots in the world

 

Oh Jeezerz fuck, you're beating a dead horse here.

I haven't seen anything this stupid in all my fucking life and I've been around.

[Felly Magic]

To add icing on the cake I was assaulted in Old Farnley by some twat spraying silly string in my face as I crept in traffic with an overheating Scania bus, if it wasn't for the SJA nearby, I could have ended up with damaged eyes as that stuff burns like fook

[Junkman]

So anyway, here we were, rear calipers off and all that sort of rot.

 

Next thing was to get it running.

 

Well, there was this carburetter:

 

 

Even the bloody butterflies were seized.

I had no idea there is that much Oxygen left in the Atomsphere for Aluminium to corrode that badly.

 

This climate leaves a lot to be desired, so I wonder why we should stop changing it???

 

Anyway, Mr Conelrad suggested it "will be fine inside".

 

I told him that I'm long enough around on this here dismal fucking Planet, that I can tell him with confidence,

that this is just the Rosegarden and it'll be mucho more fucked inside.

 

He didn't believe me, so I suggested a bet. You say it's less fucked inside, I say it's even more.

 

Needless to say I won.

 

[Junkman]

So for now, we pushed that ruddy thing back into its 6th World fucking matchbox.
But the other way around. Don't ask.
 

 

[Cleon-Fonte]

You don't fancy taking part in the annual (in the sense that it takes a year to complete) Autoshite Leeds Ring Road Rally then? The winner is the first one to complete a single lap without ending up in a completely different bit of the country because their lane led off in a completely different direction without warning; being caught at four separate sets of red traffic lights at one roundabout; or having a nervous breakdown because of the sheer confusion caused by the signposting (or lack thereof).

[Junkman]

I did that kind of fuck most of the day today while it was signposted to fucking Manchester aeroport!

 

What the fuck do they spike the water in Leeds with that they didn't lynch whoever bloody came up

with this shit in his dismal shitty little worthless motherfucking mind?

[Junkman]

Anyway, we R16ed home, avoiding aggravating tax money grabs.
 
We were rewarded with views too beautiful to clad into lyrics.
 

 

 
But there was this shit: