Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 If you wanted to fight a late Imperial guerrilla war in Africa, and needed some infantry squad carriers and technicals, or if you wanted to farm the hills near the Douro River, which vehicle might you need? Perhaps something that used to be a WW2 era Willy's jeep, then became a 70s French wagon, and then became a work of heavy sheet metal made by a Portuguese metal factory. This UMM, bought from a very pleasant bloke in Harlow for a Bag, is a late one from 1994 - an Alter II, Phase 3. This means posh interior - tweed seats, soft dash, Momo wheel, map light, digital clock, very swanky. NA 2.5 Dizzer (oh noes!) from a Pug 505. Five speed box with all the 4WD nonsense added on. It will do a very noisy 70 plus a bit on the motorway, enjoys elephant races up hills against big lorries, and on the way home it returned about 25.5 MPG flat out, laden with five spare alloy wheels and tyres. It should do better than that slower and less laden. It has six months MoT, a sticky starter, a broken fuel gauge, one indicator out, and very terrible brakes that need bleeding or adjusting. The sheet metal is 2 mm thick, and the thing looks and feels like it is built from spare bits of railway bridge. UMMazing. Supernaut, richardthestag, Bobthebeard and 39 others 42 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 bramz7, Crankshaft, Springer and 16 others 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 jumpingjehovahs, Magnificent Rustbucket, Sigmund Fraud and 9 others 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 richardthestag, The Moog, CGSB and 10 others 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bren Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I believe Jeremy Irons owned such a vehicle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 THREE dangly wipers! Sigmund Fraud, Junkman, Vince70 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I believe Jeremy Irons owned such a vehicle. Now I hate it and want to set fire to it. Junkman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 http://www.independent.co.uk/news/jeremy-irons-tells-of-battle-to-avoid-crash-1264999.html I live two miles from Tetsworth, scene of this sorry tale. Czech-built??? Journo points! Junkman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KruJoe Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I don't think I've seen one with a back like that before. It looks like a de-commissioned recovery truck, with the spec-lift replaced by the roof off an old Landy. (Attached with shed door hinges.) Magnificent Rustbucket, Vince70, Lacquer Peel and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkman Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Renault 4 heater ftw! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barmatt Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I saw this one on ebay recemtly, glad it's gone to someone on here. After having had Skattrd's Umm live here for several months last year I really did fall in love with it's quirkyness. The drive reminded me of a series Land Rover with the bonus of power steering and a turbo, without the turbo I would think acceleration would be glacial. HillmanImp 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
privatewire Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Just utterly splendid in every way. I have weapons grade jealousy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Six-cylinder Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 It looks like it should have a Harvey Frost Crane on it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaseracer Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Only a matter of time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 The UMM apparently used to have one of those cranes This jalope was posted on the eBay thread, after being spotted at a show at North Weald Airfield last week. I turned away from adverts for over priced Land Rovers, and jumped on this. The seller turned out to be a lovely bloke. He met me at Harlow Station (me all besuited and briefcased from a dull meeting in the City, he in shorts and a T shirt to match the UMM's wheels). He made me tea at his house, I sent him some e-money via his WiFi, and I then bought him a pint at a nearby pub with a flat roof. We found that we were brothers - two blokes born in 1962, both sons of factory workers. Our lives have taken different paths. He is a former carpenter and now a recently promoted area manager for Wickes, and has six children and eleven grandchildren. He lost three fingers banger racing, and had them sewn back on. He confessed to having destroyed many Granadas and many old Rovers on the oval. He has a heavily modded and slammed Astra with a mad custom interior, stereo, gullwing doors etc. Also several off roaders and some motocross bikes. His Defender has a 4.2 TVR engine and a Torqueflite, and he has been pulled over for doing Warp 9 in it. His neighbour has a Mk 2 Capri with an RV8 and iffy wheels. All of the small houses in his street have loadsa cars, mostly moderns, but quite a few rodded and stanced 90s things. I had not been to southern Essex for a while (northern Essex is different, and quite posh). I had forgotten the signs saying "Used cars - father and son business". My extended family (father's side, mother's side still in Dublin) are scattered about Southend and Laindon and Braintree and so forth. Family funeral in Southend next week (uncle), so I shall see them all then. I won't go in the UMM, though. derskine, Vince70, RichardK and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I thought 1000 a bit too cheap, especially with the Vitara wheels thrown in. The seller declined to take more than his asking price despite my suggesting that he should. He has first refusal to buy it back. Magnificent Rustbucket 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richardthestag Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 like a pair of anteaters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollywobbler Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Is that three UMMs we have on here now? A 2CVing friend pretty much runs the owners' club I think. They seem an active lot, always showing up the ONE LIFE brigade. robinmasters 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 The FB UMM Group seems good, and there are some proper Portuguese dudes on there. Long ago I used to hang out in Lambeth where the London Portuguese congregate, and I watched some good footie, drank a lot of Sagres and heard some Fado singing in various cafes near Vauxhall. If you haven't been, I recommend a trip to Porto, which is way better than the ruined by golf and Brits and golfing-Brits Algarve. Lisbon and Sintra are fab as well. PHACKTOID: Britain has fought (and usually won) at least one war against almost every place on Earth, but has never had a war with Portugal. Britain and Portugal have been allies since the fourteenth century. Britain fighting against Portugal when it was held captive by Spain and then by Napoleon doesn't count. Britain was sort of rescuing Portugal on those occasions. It is a pity what happened to Portugal in the Fascist era, and they were very badly behaved as an Imperial power (much worse than the Brits, who behaved badly as Imperialists, but also well), but the Portuguese are over all that now. I gather that there are still some fighty UMMs doing fighty stuff in Africa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
castros_bro Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I thought 1000 a bit too cheap, especially with the Vitara wheels thrown in. The seller declined to take more than his asking price despite my suggesting that he should. He has first refusal to buy it back. That is cheap for a useable one, I look at them at home priced in Europounds which is almost the same as Poundpounds. https://www.olx.pt/carros-motos-e-barcos/carros/q-umm/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felly Magic Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Fuggin ell polomk2estateman 67, you are trying to break the shiteometerâ„¢, a beige MGB camper, and now this, talk about winning BorniteIdentity 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hooli Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I used to walk past a green one of these on the way to school in the late 80s/early 90s. Considering how rotten it was then I'm impressed any have survived. I always liked it was it looked as functional as a brick & about as technical. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnificent Rustbucket Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I have long liked these - they're so magnificently, wilfully, peculiar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felly Magic Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Dollywobbler is drooling over the 3 wiper set up I bet. The only way this could have any more epic win is if it was beige & brown! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Breadvan72 Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 The UMM is blue inside and in the engine bay, (which is full of mud, because the UMM has been swimming recently), but it does have greige-brown seats and carpets, and a beige plastic dash. The odd looks are French. A man called Cournil made farm trucks called Cournils from left over US forces jeeps and bits he added on, and when he went bust some Portuguese blokes in a big shed who were good at hitting metal with big hammers took over the caper. The shape is functional - the sloped bonnet is for aiming when driving through ruts, swamps, deserts, Tesco carparks, on Mars, Tesco carparks on Mars, and so on. The chassis is 4mm steel, the panels are 2 mm steel. The engine is in the cab, the engine bay being mostly empty except for a radiator and some tubey stuff. UMMs used to complete Paris-Dakar runs with ease, and they often beat Landies and many other 4x4s in OVROAD YO competitions. There is, AFAIK, little or no OLLI scene around UMMs, and they are heavy enough without people adding aftermarket tat to them. dome 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pompei Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Interesting fact*:- Mr UMM, the designer, was so taken with E type Jags that he introduced triple wipers as a homage as he didn't think chrome wire wheels would get past the marketing men. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felly Magic Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 *STEVE WRONG PHACTOID* The bloke making these was called Bernard Umm, and was at first going to name them B.UMM, but the wise bods in marketing pointed out this potential faux pas for the UK market, also his spec levels were going to be called the E.R for 'extra rugged' and for a planned turbo diesel the Intercooled turbo, or I.T Crankshaft, spartacus, TagoraSX and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackboilersuit Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I don't think I've seen one with a back like that before. It looks like a de-commissioned recovery truck, with the spec-lift replaced by the roof off an old Landy. (Attached with shed door hinges.)Exactly my thoughts, it looks like it should have the rear end from this I can't think of a more Autoshite recovery service than an UMM with a spec lift other than perhaps being towed home using a washing line. Like many others here I am deeply jealous. Bobthebeard and Skizzer 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimo Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 Calendar! Felly Magic 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somewhatfoolish Posted May 17, 2017 Share Posted May 17, 2017 I haz lever envy; I only have two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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