Guest Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Jesus christ., Thanks for sharing. No really, thanks, it's what I wanted to know. I've spent all day at the delightful 'hospital shite' concrete carbuncle of the Lister in St.Evenage too, but for less unpleasant reason - Poglet Maximus had to have the bones in his little finger wired back together after a playtime accident. Ouch.Eurgh. Here's something at work that we all found piss funny. One of the lads who's rather young and impressionable hired a C3 yesterday evening. He decided to take his cru on a little blezz round the countryside. He crested a hump at 70, the car took off, landed hard on the front NS, snapped the bottom wishbone and ploughed him into a tree. The airbag went off, and as the boss cover blew off it smacked him in the arm, causing an allergic reaction.... That's the second car he's written off at the tender age of 20. Bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuvvum Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Cool - an allergic reaction in the shape of a Citroen badge. The C3's revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Jesus christ., Thanks for sharing. No really, thanks, it's what I wanted to know. I've spent all day at the delightful 'hospital shite' concrete carbuncle of the Lister in St.Evenage too, but for less unpleasant reason - Poglet Maximus had to have the bones in his little finger wired back together after a playtime accident. Ouch.The Lister really is a dire hospital. Sadly my local A&E at the QE II in Welwyn was overrun (probably with people thinking they had swine flu) so I was told to go the Listeria instead.Swelling is quite weird at the moment, the old boy looks like a Pringle tube with a tennis ball stuck on the top! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pillock Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Just wanted to re-iterate that.Citroen 'tattoo' is a bit funny though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 It never rains.... Just got back from another trip to the Listeria Hospickle in St Evenage. Earlier tonight, my little girl decided that it would be great fun to jump on Daddy while he was lying on the floor, her foot caught the affected area and as a result, I got two burst sutures. Fecking pain is worse now than when it first happened! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Chop it off and be done with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pompei Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Kinell, I've come over all squeamish. I'm just off to buy a cricket box Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 Chop it off and be done with it.Not much left to chop off now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M'coli Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 http://www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C90450/ The buyer wants £3250 for this, It does look nice as they go but it's still a 23 year old Polo 1.3.That really is a thing of beauty - and if my balls come up tonight its getting bought.I'll leave the rest to your imagination... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I have to admit, I had to read that twice given Mr. Ted's medical history... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted May 3, 2009 Author Share Posted May 3, 2009 Loos like I'm going in for the chop next week. Told the doctor I was worried about the old tadger's length changing as at the moment I have to use my thumb and all 4 fingers to hold it when I have a pee. He said that I can still use 4 fingers but I'll be pissing over 3 of them. Seriously, this Wednesday is Circumference day for AX. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Oddly it doesnt hurt that much, just afterwards and it itches as it scabs over. Its the sight of an orange needle going near your nob that fills you with cold sweats and makes your nob shrivvel up to look more like a clitoris, as they inject some lignocaine to numb itGood luck. I mean really good luck.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
55bloke Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Just to contribute a bit more, how about a similarly embarrassing incident from a female perspective? A girl who works at the same place as me, and who is in her 20s and seriously attractive, was luxuriating in the bath a little while ago, laid full length, eyes closed, ears bellow water level. So, she didn't hear or see hubby enter, having decided it would be great to share a sexy soak with her. He stepped into the water, and his foot slipped on the bottom of the bath..... skidded straight up between her legs and his big-toe nail caused lacerations to her anus!! She had to go to A & E in agony and explain how the damage was done. She said the laughter could be heard in the next county!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Its the sight of an orange needle going near your nob that fills you with cold sweats and makes your nob shrivvel up to look more like a clitoris, as they inject some lignocaine to numb itDo you see all that? When I got the bricks they hung a blanket so I couldn't see anything. I was so tense that I forgot to breathe and set the alarm off.That was slightly more pleasant than getting my eyes injected though. You wouldn't believe how big a needle looks at that range. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VWPowered Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Cool - an allergic reaction in the shape of a Citroen badge. The C3's revenge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babydriver Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 When its all done ask the nurse if you can keep the swelling but take the pain away, You'll be the hit of the town!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 She had to go to A & E in agony and explain how the damage was done. She said the laughter could be heard in the next county!!Believe me embaressing tales spread faster than widfire in a hospital - ad you an guarantee student nurses and doctors and even porters appearing from miles around to have a gander. Only the other week one of the doctors was telling me about a young woman with a vibrator wedged up her arse (it had gone past the sphincter and so was wedged). Then there are a staggering nuber of young women who wreck their flange with lightbulbs which shatter, or blokes who use huge dildos and split their sphicter or the best one was the bottle of HP brown sauce wedged up a blokes arse - how did it get there? Wel apparently he "fell" onto a bag of shopping.... Year right.Perhaps its because Im a nurse, they let me watch things, had my Vas and watched it, had my arm surgery and watched, sutured my own leg once when I ripped it open on a nail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pompei Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 How come they were injecting your eye, Richard? I really am gonna have nightmares about that - I have a bit of an eye phobia, even get a bit sweaty palmed at the optician. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrDuke Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 injecting your eyeWord. I had to get a cyst removed from my eye socket, and very naiveley thought that they would use drops to anaesthetise the area. By the time I saw the needle flashing right next to my face, it was too late, of course. Definitely the second worst injection I've ever received. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 How come they were injecting your eye, Richard?I get a condition called Iritis, which is an inflammation of the iris. Normally it's treated with drops but occasionally it doesn't respond and an injection is required. That's happened to me once in the left eye, requiring three pairs of injections over a few days, and once in the right eye, I got away with a single injection that time. I don't think many people can say they've had injections in all four balls. It's a sub-conjuctival injection and they try to tell you that's not really in your eye but it bloody well is. I was, and to a certain extent still am, squeamish about eyes too but I had no choice and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be- it couldn't possibly be as bad as I thought it would be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cavcraft Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 She had to go to A & E in agony and explain how the damage was done. She said the laughter could be heard in the next county!!Believe me embaressing tales spread faster than widfire in a hospital - ad you an guarantee student nurses and doctors and even porters appearing from miles around to have a gander. Only the other week one of the doctors was telling me about a young woman with a vibrator wedged up her arse (it had gone past the sphincter and so was wedged). Then there are a staggering nuber of young women who wreck their flange with lightbulbs which shatter, or blokes who use huge dildos and split their sphicter or the best one was the bottle of HP brown sauce wedged up a blokes arse - how did it get there? Wel apparently he "fell" onto a bag of shopping.... Year right.Perhaps its because Im a nurse, they let me watch things, had my Vas and watched it, had my arm surgery and watched, sutured my own leg once when I ripped it open on a nail.Similar things happen regulary where a relation of mine works. One of the funniest apparantly was a bloke who 'accidentally sat on his mobile phone'. As the surgeon was about to retrieve it it started ringing. Surgeon had to step back for a few minutes as he was laughing so much he couldn't carry on.Oh, and I'm told in all instances any items removed from any orifice is left next to the bed for when you wake up. I'd imagine that's pretty embarassing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Well...at 10am today the deed was done and the mucho damaged foreskin is now a nomoreskin. I'm back home, my painkillers have worn off and the pain is extreme to say the least. Not stopped bleeding yet and haven't had a pee all day either!Bollocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigger Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Well...at 10am today the deed was done and the mucho damaged foreskin is now a nomoreskin. I'm back home, my painkillers have worn off and the pain is extreme to say the least. Not stopped bleeding yet and haven't had a pee all day either!Bollocks. Cheers, I'm about to go to bed with that vision in my head now, Not nice Similar things happen regulary where a relation of mine works. One of the funniest apparantly was a bloke who 'accidentally sat on his mobile phone'. As the surgeon was about to retrieve it it started ringing. Surgeon had to step back for a few minutes as he was laughing so much he couldn't carry on.Oh, and I'm told in all instances any items removed from any orifice is left next to the bed for when you wake up. I'd imagine that's pretty embarassing!A old work mate of mine's wife was a nurse, He told me how one day a patient came in with a action man up stuck up his arse, The worse bit was that the action man had gone in 'hands up' first!Good job it wasn't a Buzz Lightyear figure, "To Infinity and Beyond!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Well...at 10am today the deed was done and the mucho damaged foreskin is now a nomoreskin. I'm back home, my painkillers have worn off and the pain is extreme to say the least. Not stopped bleeding yet and haven't had a pee all day either!Bollocks. Cheers, I'm about to go to bed with that vision in my head now, Not nice Similar things happen regulary where a relation of mine works. One of the funniest apparantly was a bloke who 'accidentally sat on his mobile phone'. As the surgeon was about to retrieve it it started ringing. Surgeon had to step back for a few minutes as he was laughing so much he couldn't carry on.Oh, and I'm told in all instances any items removed from any orifice is left next to the bed for when you wake up. I'd imagine that's pretty embarassing!A old work mate of mine's wife was a nurse, He told me how one day a patient came in with a action man up stuck up his arse, The worse bit was that the action man had gone in 'hands up' first!Did it have gripping hands? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 the mucho damaged foreskin is now a nomoreskin.Look on the bright side here, when the Taliban take over the world, you can convince them you are really a muslim by getting your nob out and waving it about. Also, no more cheese. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Bo11ox Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 This thread is useless without pics!** please do not post pics of your repaired cock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 Ok then, I won't! Click me if you dare! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 It has been variously proposed that circumcision began as a religious sacrifice, as a rite of passage marking a boy's entrance into adulthood, as a form of sympathetic magic to ensure virility, as a means of suppressing sexual pleasure or to increase a man's attractiveness to women, or as an aid to hygiene where regular bathing was impractical, among other possibilities. Immerman et al. suggest that circumcision causes lowered sexual arousal of malesOh dear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted May 7, 2009 Author Share Posted May 7, 2009 It has been variously proposed that circumcision began as a religious sacrifice, as a rite of passage marking a boy's entrance into adulthood, as a form of sympathetic magic to ensure virility, as a means of suppressing sexual pleasure or to increase a man's attractiveness to women, or as an aid to hygiene where regular bathing was impractical, among other possibilities. Immerman et al. suggest that circumcision causes lowered sexual arousal of malesOh dear Not to worry, the missis says I have the sex drive of a pine door at the best of times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pillock Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 It's true I'm afraid.Basically, now that your 'centre of excellence' is constantly exposed, it'll be rubbing on your pants and trousers all day and so your body will just get bored of being excited by it.I still haven't a clue what this is doing on Autoshite though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now