AXrescuer Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Caught the old tadger in my jeans earlier this evening. Unbelievable pain, then unbelievable embarrassment at the hossie, then a horrendous anesthetising jab followed by several ugly painfully applied stitches. New jeans fubarred and my manhood in tatters! All this and swine flu too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pillock Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovejoy Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 OUCH ! have a stiff drink !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigger Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 OMG! I feel your pain! This reminds me of that scene from there's something about Mary! Did you get the zipper all the top?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 As someone who does not wear underpants (and thus has no protecting layer) I feel your pain brother. I bet it bled like a stuck pig too.Personally i would have cut the zipper off and applied some steri-strips and necked a whle heap of co-proxamaol as you KNOW they will be laughing their arses off in A&E now for months... Its only a small mercy no one from Med Illustration came and took photos "for educational purpuses" as they did when i burned my bollocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VWPowered Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
outlaw118 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 That brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fiatdaft Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 eeeek! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Thanks guys, it was worse this morning when I woke up and found I was stuck to the bed. My wife's a trooper though, she's been out this morning cleaning the car seat I bled all over. Looks like I'm wearing jogging bottoms for the next week or so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr H Sceptre Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Jesus H Corbett! Never had the misfortune of doing that (come close a couple of times), but nonetheless feel your immense pain/embarrassment. Piss funny though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FredTransit Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Caught the old tadger in my jeans earlier this evening. Unbelievable pain, then unbelievable embarrassment at the hossie, then a horrendous anesthetising jab followed by several ugly painfully applied stitches. New jeans fubarred and my manhood in tatters! All this and swine flu too. Ah poor baby. Have you ever tried childbirth? No, neither have I but I am told it really really hurts, for hours, sometimes days, which is why I don't want to go there.If we are talking gender related injuries, I once stepped up into a parcel van and stabbed my right one with the lock/catch assembly which sticks out of the door post. That made my eyes water.... So I do have some sympathy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Manhood injuries #256... (and not wishing to steal the thunder here..)I was in a car crash in 1986 - the car was (unbeknown to me and Andy - the driver) a cut and shut, so when the front end parted company with teh bit we were all sat in and we hit (first the armaco, then a bridge) on the M6 it was a bit messy - one lad carked it at the scene, the rest of us got out alive, but a bit fucked up, not lestways because the tank ruptured and the car went "woof" as hot fuel spilled all over the exhaust and other bits. Jon escaped with a broken arm and burns to his hands and loss of eyebrows. Andy escaped with a flail chest and similar loss of eyebrows, Dave carked it as he got flung through the side window and headbutted the tarmac and me, well I lost my eyebrows and my trousers melted to my leg and bollocks and manhood - f**king man made jogging kex - the bollocks became incredibly huge and inflamed and more full of blisters than you have ever seen - I think every nurse, doctor, med student and then med illustration came to witness the embaressment of having blisters peeled off my scrote.I also pissed sideways for a few months too :oops:And so I feel your pain about sticking to bedclthes etc - think very unsexy thoughts as well as believe me thats a pain that you dont want - sutures going pop.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Never tried childbirth but have watched my wife push out five little ones over the years!I get recurring kidney stones, the ejection of which can be as painful as childbirth apparently. Can't beat a hot water bottle and a couple of pethidine tabs for relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Manhood injuries #256... (and not wishing to steal the thunder here..) I was in a car crash in 1986 - the car was (unbeknown to me and Andy - the driver) a cut and shut, so when the front end parted company with teh bit we were all sat in and we hit (first the armaco, then a bridge) on the M6 it was a bit messy - one lad carked it at the scene, the rest of us got out alive, but a bit fucked up, not lestways because the tank ruptured and the car went "woof" as hot fuel spilled all over the exhaust and other bits. Jon escaped with a broken arm and burns to his hands and loss of eyebrows. Andy escaped with a flail chest and similar loss of eyebrows, Dave carked it as he got flung through the side window and headbutted the tarmac and me, well I lost my eyebrows and my trousers melted to my leg and bollocks and manhood - f**king man made jogging kex - the bollocks became incredibly huge and inflamed and more full of blisters than you have ever seen - I think every nurse, doctor, med student and then med illustration came to witness the embaressment of having blisters peeled off my scrote. I also pissed sideways for a few months too  And so I feel your pain about sticking to bedclthes etc - think very unsexy thoughts as well as believe me thats a pain that you dont want - sutures going pop....Yep, they said to think unsexy thoughts, I thought they were joking. Anyway, I have to go back in ten days, it if hasn't healed properly they said I may have to have a partial circumnavigation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris_W_Q4 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Been there with the zip.Also burnt the "business end" while ironing a shirt in the nude...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I feel your pain about sticking to bedclthes etc - think very unsexy thoughts as well as believe me thats a pain that you dont want - sutures going pop....Yep, they said to think unsexy thoughts, I thought they were joking. Anyway, I have to go back in ten days, it if hasn't healed properly they said I may have to have a partial circumnavigation. Hey think of that as an advantage, if they do have to chop the foreshore off, somehow the rest will look bigger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Jesus wept - I had to have one because I got a phemosis (basically they catherterised me then couldnt retratct the forskin, then my bel end went pink, then purple then blue - by this time I was in a LOT of pain.... I nearly kissed the doctor and his scissors. Best avoided if possible - mind you they heal quickly.I tell ye, women dont know they are born with having internal plumbing - mind you NOTHING beats pissing up a tree when out in the country, just knowing you can do this whilst women folk have to squat in the brambles is brilliant - though dont piss on an electric fence, it hurts (1984 - camping trip up Gaping Ghyll) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FredTransit Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 NOTHING beats pissing up a tree when out in the country, just knowing you can do this whilst women folk have to squat in the brambles is brilliantHave you not seen the toilets scene in The Full Monty then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AXrescuer Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Been there with the zip.Also burnt the "business end" while ironing a shirt in the nude......Didn't you have an ironing board then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Station Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 My mate was being towed by his sister on a bike while he was on a skateboard with a broom handle. She hit a wall and the broom handle entered his scrotum and exited his anus.Another mate fell off a slide in the park and caught his scrotum on a wingnut on the way down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wuvvum Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 My mate was being towed by his sister on a bike while he was on a skateboard with a broom handle. She hit a wall and the broom handle entered his scrotum and exited his anus. I don't even want to think about how much that must have hurt. How old was your mate at the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trigger Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 My mate was being towed by his sister on a bike while he was on a skateboard with a broom handle. She hit a wall and the broom handle entered his scrotum and exited his anus. X2! Worse thing that happened to me was years ago i was getting jiggy with a girl i had just started going out with, Was going for it hammer and tongs when i felt something go twang down below, even though i was in pain I still carried on for a few mintues as i was mid flow until i looked down, Turned out I'd just split my banjo!The pain was awful and there was blood everywhere, Luckily her parents was away for the weekend so never saw the mess in the upstairs hallway, bedroom and bathroom (and her).Spent my 22nd birthday on my own in A&E having some young nurse looking at my now purple bellend and a by now 'ex' girlfriend cleaning her parents house... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete-M Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Worse thing that happened to me was years ago i was getting jiggy with a girl i had just started going out with, Was going for it hammer and tongs when i felt something go twang down below, even though i was in pain I still carried on for a few mintues as i was mid flow until i looked down, Turned out I'd just split my banjo!The pain was awful and there was blood everywhere, Luckily her parents was away for the weekend so never saw the mess in the upstairs hallway, bedroom and bathroom (and her).Spent my 22nd birthday on my own in A&E having some young nurse looking at my now purple bellend and an now 'ex' girlfriend cleaning her parents house... Heheheheh. I feel your pain! Happened to me an all. Didn't bother with A&E though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Bo11ox Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 WHAT A HORRIBLE THREAD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Futuramic Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Absolutely hideous! I feel some of your pain as I managed to thwack myself in the nutsack the other day. Hard!I was breaking up a load of expanded polystyrene packing material using nothing but manly arm power, in the style of the suntanned wankers who tear up perfectly good phone books. Anyway I snapped a particularly large piece (it's quite strong when 7 inches thick) with a mighty heave only to slam one end into the family jewels. My vocabulary shrank as quickly as the pain exploded through my lower body. I was left hobbling around the patio shouting "FUCK" at nobody in particular.It does not compare in the slightest to what has happened to other fellow shiters. I tend to wear button fly jeans, which sidestep the problem entirely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fordpoplier Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Why isn't anyone saying 'this thread needs pictures':) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Because it doesn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 WHAT A HORRIBLE THREAD!WHAT A HORRIBLE THREAD!WHAT A HORRIBLE THREAD!WHAT A HORRIBLE THREAD!WHAT A HORRIBLE THREAD! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pogweasel Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Jesus christ., Thanks for sharing. No really, thanks, it's what I wanted to know. I've spent all day at the delightful 'hospital shite' concrete carbuncle of the Lister in St.Evenage too, but for less unpleasant reason - Poglet Maximus had to have the bones in his little finger wired back together after a playtime accident. Ouch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now