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Grumpy old man/pedant thread.Please feel free to add.


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61125 replies to this topic

#31 OFFLINE   colc

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 11:53 AM

"Baby On Board" signs.Apparently these are to alert the emergency services of your cargo if you are involved in an accident. But - given that they fall off at the slightest provocation, are usually sited somewhere in the rear window so that visibility is restricted, and the driver of said vehicle is generally not in full control due to mobile phone/fag/lots of "sunshades" on all other windows/not being able to see over steering wheel - having one of these is not going to stop me crashing into you; only my driving defensively and giving you a wide berth is.Needless to say, our cars do not have one of these signs in them :wink:

A know a guy in the Fire Service, and he hates attending when they find a car with ones of these signs, ]especially if it's a bad smash, with bits everywhere, and unconcious adults]] as they can spend hours looking for bits of children who may not have been in the car in the first place!
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish

#32 OFFLINE   Justin Case

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 03:19 PM

I am not angry, just depressed about the future of the human race when some folk actually think it is funny to put a sign saying 'We're spending the kid's inheritance' on the back of a shitey old camper, which if sold when the owners finally pop their clogs wouldn't even raise enough for a weekend in a decent B&B for the grieving offspring.

#33 OFFLINE   outlaw118

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 07:15 PM

Mind you "Slow Police" always makes me snigger.........

2004 Alfa Romeo 156 JTD Sportwagon - Much Lovliness

1985 Ford Capri 2.0 - Baby - Sulking - Broken

2012 Vauxhall Combo 1.3 Dizzle - Workshite

2012 Kia Rio - Mills -o- matic SWMBO

2000 Peugeot 306 Meridian - Stepdaughtershite

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#34 OFFLINE   outlaw118

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 07:43 PM

Just for a bit off Ross_K baiting - and anyone else....http://cgi.ebay.co.u... ... dZViewItemEnough already!!!!!

2004 Alfa Romeo 156 JTD Sportwagon - Much Lovliness

1985 Ford Capri 2.0 - Baby - Sulking - Broken

2012 Vauxhall Combo 1.3 Dizzle - Workshite

2012 Kia Rio - Mills -o- matic SWMBO

2000 Peugeot 306 Meridian - Stepdaughtershite

2015 Ford Fiesta Zetec - Stepsonshite - 

2009 Citroen Xsara Picasso - Stepdaughter-in-law Familybus

 


#35 OFFLINE   Justin Case

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Posted 20 August 2008 - 09:19 PM

'YOU WILL GET MORE LOOKS IN THIS THAN A PORCHE,'I don't think I would disagree with that :twisted:

#36 OFFLINE   martc

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Posted 21 August 2008 - 11:46 AM

How about the "allergy advice" on packets of yoghurt and cheese which proudly proclaim that the product contains milk!! Bloody hell, if I was allergic to milk I think I would know to avoid products which contained milk (eg yoghurt or cheese).And packets of nuts which contain nuts, or porridge oats which contain (wait for it......) oats.Grrrrrrr
Hello happy

#37 OFFLINE   Mash

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Posted 21 August 2008 - 12:36 PM

“Queues Likely”If there is a queue I’ll know it because the long line of cars will be a good giveaway. If there isn’t a queue the sign is redundant.I reckon, as with a lot of these recent types of road sign, that this is yet another result of councils having to cover their arses in case someone sues them for being a minute late for an appointment or some other insignificant gripe. Did I mention that I loathe the 21st century by the way? :roll:

#38 OFFLINE   Albert Ross

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 12:57 AM

I seem to remember a Matra Rancho in "The Upper Hand", but there's no evidence on t'internet yet............
Stormy Petrel on a stick!!

#39 ONLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 05:14 AM

Del Boy's vehicle was a RELIANT REGAL!!!!!!! If you want to be pedantic a "Supervan iv" (i think).SWMBO thinks I'm a sad old grumpy fecker, which I probably am, but I knew all on here would understand.ITS NOT A ROBIN RELIANT YOU STUPID TWATS!!!! YOU DONT SAY "I DRIVE A MONDEO FORD" DO YOU????Thanks, I feel better now.....

Spot on. Really boils my piss when people say 'Robin Reliant'. Here's another couple for you though: Why do people from Birmingham when asked where they live say 'Burr-big-ham'? I mean, they fucking live there for God's sake, surely they can pronounce the name of their home town?'Bumbers': What the fuck are 'bumbers'? People who bum you on the Humber Bridge perhaps? Oh, you meant bumPers did you? Why didn't you fucking well type that then you bastard? It's not too fucking hard is it and it's not even as if the letters 'b' and 'p' are that close to each other on your keyboard is it? Twat.'Text talk': I just want to shoot people who use that.
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#40 OFFLINE   sierravanman

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 07:41 AM

Bumbers...superb !What about 'seals' ?'Got a pair of seals for my car mate ?' Last I heard a seal was indeed an aquatic mammal,usually found basking on a sandbank in The Wash,waiting for the next reasonably priced mackerel to come along...Excellent site by the way...haven't laughed so much since Not The Nine O Clock news finished.......

#41 OFFLINE   Ross_K

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 11:04 AM

What about 'seals' ?'Got a pair of seals for my car mate ?' Last I heard a seal was indeed an aquatic mammal,usually found basking on a sandbank in The Wash,waiting for the next reasonably priced mackerel to come along...

Reminds me of this: :D

#42 OFFLINE   Mash

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:22 PM

Alpha Romeo.I'm sure if you go and look at the at least half dozen badges on the one in the drive you're listing on eBay you'll find it's not spelled like that.

#43 OFFLINE   andrew e

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:29 PM

Ebay ads for K series cars powered by the reliable Honda/BMW engine.....

#44 OFFLINE   andrew e

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:32 PM

Can add "Being built in 1984 it will be eligible for tax free status next year." NOB ENDS.

#45 OFFLINE   Milford Cubicle

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:33 PM

It's not just K-series, I've seen L- and T-series powered cars advertised with BMW/Honda/Peugeot engines.GR8 CAR KNOWLEDGE SKILLZ

#46 OFFLINE   155V6

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:34 PM

People who drive their cars at 54/55 mph on the Motorway,& then speed up to 57 when I try to pass them in my truck which does 56 :roll:
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#47 OFFLINE   Jazzy Jeff

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:54 PM

The eBay KNOWLEDGE isn't limited to mis-describing Rovers. How many Skoda Felica 1.3's are listed everyweek proclaiming "VW ENGINE" "BASICALLY A VW" "VW PARTS"? Answer? Too many to list.GR8 4 TRADES DESCRIPTIONS ACT VIOLATIONS.

#48 OFFLINE   andrew e

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Posted 23 August 2008 - 06:59 PM

I have in my possesion a genuine VW engined Felicia! Its shit :lol: Sounds like a pinto with a shafted camshaft, even after my application of two layers of lead flashing to the rocker box. On the plus side it will dumped back in the Czech republic next tuesday when I have wanked the nuts off it across europe.

#49 ONLINE   r.welfare

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 08:40 AM

Lucas-fuel-pumped diesel Pugs/Cits that folk say are GR8 4 VEG OIL.Folk who look at you like you have leprosy when you say you are happy driving an old car.Old folk in hot hatches - you can tell the salesman has made a GR8 downpayment for his timeshare in Puerto Banus on the sales commission, then Gramps drives it at 40mph everywhere.Grumpy old/disabled folk on those motability scooters who play chicken with you ON THE PAVEMENT. If you can go that fast you can go on the road FFS.People who park across my driveway. Wish I was still custodian of my brother's Volvo 740 to deal with this one.The bizarre inverse laws of: the bigger the offroader, the smaller the fake-tanned bint driving it (peer into the cabin of any Land Cruiser, Touraeg, Q7 or Disco 3 for evidence), and the more expensive the car, the more likely the driver is to be pressing their mobile to their ear. For crying out loud, hands-free kits are not expensive...

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#50 OFFLINE   pbottomley

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 01:04 PM

Put your fingers in your ears if you like good spelling:

1969 RELIANT ROBIN 5 CWT SUPERVAN III (BELL BOY VAN)

TAX EXEMPT

hear we have a 1969 reliant robin van this autchaul one has been used in the seariery only fools and horses (it not the ariganel one as that was sold for £44.000 last year) it is all sighn righten with the foor rack. i am selling it as spears or repears as i bought it as a projest but never got round to doing it. it has an engine in it but i have got round to trying it. i am selling it as spear or repears as it needs alot of work to be put back on the road like i sed i havent started to put it to gether but what i can tell you is the petrol tank has been disconeted and is in the back same as the ditupter and ht leads and it is missing the door handles

come have a look befor bidding as this car is nerley 40 years old and does need work befor going back on the road please ring gwyn on 01491 651510 or 07846985652

please note Tere is no v5 with this car

I also have a nouther good running engine and box with can be purchised for £150 sepreletley it was removed from a newer model it was a old T but it should fit

http://cgi.ebay.co.u...tem320289918190
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#51 OFFLINE   garethj

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 02:46 PM

Those solar powered signs are very expensive, what's wrong with an old reflective sign eh?

Because they only light up when you're going too fast, so gives a lovely feeling of smuggness to those who pass by without lighting them up! And they can snigger at the bad man speeding!

The ring road in Luton is dual carriageway and partly elevated, I'm pretty happy there's no pedestrians around, however it's a 30mph limit and they have one of these signs that light up if you do 30.01mph. Purely in the interest of science *my mate* found out that the sign doesn't illuminate if you zip past it at 60mph or over 8) For my grumpy old man entry, I'd like to rant about motorway speed signs. Either the traffic is really heavy, you can't remember the last time you got as far as second gear and your left leg is giving you gip from the clutch, and the motorway sign is flashing 50mph :roll: Or... the traffic is moderate, even light and it's flashing 50mph. You can see a good mile into the distance so reckon that's enough time to slow from your normal 70ish. You pass another sign, it's flashing 50mph but you can still see a long way ahead, you ignore it. You pass 4 more signs over the course of about 6 miles, all saying 50mph yet there's no broken down vehicle in the road, police picking up debris, nothing. You pass the next sign and it's blank. You can do 70 again.What was the point? Do the motorway police need someone like my dad to keep reminding them to switch the lights off?

#52 OFFLINE   Justin Case

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 07:15 PM

Those solar powered signs are very expensive, what's wrong with an old reflective sign eh?

Because they only light up when you're going too fast, so gives a lovely feeling of smuggness to those who pass by without lighting them up!

I failed to light one up this afternoon, and as I was in the Alfa I felt pissed off rather than smug. But why have those solar panels that will never generate enough electricity to recover the cost of the thing in the first place. What's wrong with a bit of wire and a light bulb.

#53 OFFLINE   The Blue Lumiere!

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Posted 24 August 2008 - 10:00 PM

People who come to a complete stop at broken white lined junctions or roundabouts, when you're behind them and have been able to see it's completely clear for miles either way. How many times do you hear of someone piling into the rear of these 'careful' motorists?I'm so wary of them now that I go into a kind of epileptic meerkat routine when I'm approaching a junction behind anybody now, snapping my head left and right to make sure they 'went'. You never know when one of these total spoons will decide to stop and have a good look.Also, people who immediately dive into the right hand/middle lane when passing a slip road on to a Mway or dual carriageway if there happens to be a vehicle about to join the carriageway. It seems they'd much rather you have to stamp on the brakes to avoid hitting them than inconvenience the driver on the slip road by making them give way at a broken white line....
I bet whoever threw that out their loft is feeling a right charlie

#54 OFFLINE   mk2_craig

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 02:39 PM

come have a look befor bidding as this car is nerley 40 years old and does need work befor going back on the road please ring gwyn on 01491 651510 or 07846985652

Yeah, and the odds of the author having entered the phone number digits in the correct order is... :lol:

The inappropriate/indiscriminate use of foglamps really grinds my gears Posted Image

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#55 OFFLINE   Gompo

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 03:12 PM

...I bRought this car in 2003 for £1250 and spent etc etc...
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#56 OFFLINE   Ross_K

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 03:41 PM

Old giffers who do 45mph on A-roads, tapping the brakes at every slight bump or bend, and who continue through villages and towns at that same 45mph.People who flash their lights, or wave their fist/give the wanker gesture, when you safely overtake them. See above.Fog lights when there's no fog.And those people who slam on the brakes at 'Give Way' signs and roundabouts? I'm convinced they're looking for people they can make a nice big insurance claim off...Give me ten minutes, I'll think of more things that piss me off. :twisted:

#57 OFFLINE   Raffles

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 05:25 PM

Sort of related...Arseholes who drive so close to the car in front of them that they are constantly dabbing the brakes. Ever heard of coasting? Probaby not...Ooooooooooh that makes my shit itch, I can tell you.
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#58 OFFLINE   andrew e

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 06:12 PM

When the car in front is alongside a truck (on its right) at a roundabout, trucks goes 40 TONNES OF MOBILE CRASH BARRIER but car to its left stays put....

#59 OFFLINE   outlaw118

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 07:13 PM

What we need to remember here is that some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.... :twisted: Feckin' speedbumps!!!!A couple of years ago, myself and the other residents of my street were contacted by the council and asked if we want them, or some other (to be discussed) form of traffic calming. All I've spoken to said "No thanks" to the speed bump, but we got them anyway. And guess what I've got right outside my house???!!!When I (eventually) get the Capri out of the garage, I'm not going to be able to turn right out of my drive, as it will beach itself. Great, thanks very much. Tossers!!!I hate speedbumps and my local council.

2004 Alfa Romeo 156 JTD Sportwagon - Much Lovliness

1985 Ford Capri 2.0 - Baby - Sulking - Broken

2012 Vauxhall Combo 1.3 Dizzle - Workshite

2012 Kia Rio - Mills -o- matic SWMBO

2000 Peugeot 306 Meridian - Stepdaughtershite

2015 Ford Fiesta Zetec - Stepsonshite - 

2009 Citroen Xsara Picasso - Stepdaughter-in-law Familybus

 


#60 OFFLINE   Father Ted

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Posted 25 August 2008 - 09:24 PM

Got any cracks appearing on your garden wall, house wall etc? Take the council to court and get said speed bumps removed - thats what one group of residents did when the local spendaholics installed them (huge great long things) on one of the main roads - Due to the number of busses / HGV's cracks soon started appearing in peoples walls due to the 24/7 "buuuur - dummm" of heavy things driving over said lumps and passing nice vibrations right up peoples outside walls.Council removed bumps and now install "chicanes" where speed limiting features are needed.
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