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Autoshite Quote of the Year Thread 2017


cms206

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The thing is those dickheads are the same dickheads tooling around in shite Astras with four bald Happy Dragon Ditch Molesters, sills made of wob and ABS lights wrapped in tinfoil; which are they going to pick, a car that has a heating and ventilation system that works and ignition that isn't dependent upon the phases of the moon and the ambient humidity, or Fred Flintstone's Viva HC? Let's face it, the kind of 1970s shitter that can be bought at this price point is suitable only for bridging or longterm restoration; putting such a car into regular use would result in a continuous stream of FTPs guaranteed to drive the miscreants back to modern motoring quicker than you can say 'vorsprung durch knackered'.

 
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Anonymous User explaining how DVLA works

 

 

Seriously, have you seen the size of the DVLA building? What makes you think it has a computer, they did try one early on when computers were the size of rooms but soon found them inefficient and prone to breakdown. A committee chaired by Wendy the tea lady voted to replace the computer with filing cabinets and some girls on YTS as typists and filing clerks. This has worked well for years, occasionally one of the girls will be off and there will be a delay in responding. Unfortunately, due to space constraints, sometimes a filing cabinet has to be emptied and things get thrown out, this is done totally randomly to ensure fairness. Recently due to efficiency savings they have had to let one of the girls go and replaced her with a Jack Russell which now opens the post instead. The online service is outsourced to a lad down in the town who sends a note up to the DVLA office by pigeon, but will give the girls a call on the phone if it's urgent 
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What the hell would Rapunzel think of a wheelchair modded Caetano Toybota that nearly all the rear end has become one huge hatchback?

That is exactly what the GC Smith bodied Leylands did. I have done a wheelchair access Coaster on more than one occasion too.

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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The fantastic...

 

'I resisted the temptation to buy Russian brake shoes, as I'm quite attached to not being dead'

 

...from StrangeAngel in his Vodkashots motorbike for sale thread

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Yet another spat tea moment brought to us by Cavcraft

 

"Have worked in the same department as some completely useless fat balloon of a bloke for about 11 years now. I still haven't figured out what the custard bollocked two bob knob weasel actually does, and I strongly suspect I never will."

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'It's parked outside my house and the wife doesn't know it's mine yet.'

 

SRi05, on the purchase of his new Honda.

 

It does have all the makings of an utterly classic thread.

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  • 1 month later...

The interior of Uganda's aptly-named Kiira Smack provoked some interesting reactions but this one is my favourite

 

 

Like someone's been shown a fuzzy picture of what the interior of a modern car ought to look like for 10 seconds, then asked to reproduce it in plasticine.

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