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Autoshite Quote of the Year Thread 2017


cms206

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Time to bring QoTY kicking and screaming into 2017, with this gem from Nyphur on Japanese Imports.

 

Does the interior smell slightly of vanilla? I've had 3 Japanese imports before and all of them smelt slightly of vanilla, long after I'd gone through a number of my own air fresheners. Never worked out why - just presume all Japanese people smell of a 99.

 

 

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

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Both from the rather ace Sub 1000cc beater club

 

Station

My old 998cc Whizzkid which was a lot of pendulum RWD fun.
Also my 850cc Nippa. You can't have more fun with less than 1000cc, unless of course you have a 125cc powered butt plug.

 

 

Barefoot

 

 

 

 

 

My only other jaunt into sub 1000cc motoring was this piece of shit...

 

 

pileofshit-vi_zps42de122e.jpg

 

The car is on the left, on the right is an even bigger pile of shit.

 

It was 595cc/26bhp and the purchase was inspired by a little enthusiasm for that popular Irish beat combo - U2. To say it was worse than you'd expect remains an understatement. It functioned as a car, had an excellent heater, HRW & intermittent wipers. But despite being two stroke, peak power was at a lowly 4,200rpm & max (sustainable) speed was just 60 mph. It had, and needed a freewheel on top, fourth gear. It bucked worse than shagging your wife's younger sister from behind in the lower ratios. It had more grease nipples than a sane man would consider necessary. The steering, already lacking in self centring ability at the best of times, would stiffen like a porn star if you forgot to grease it weekly, the drum brakes snatched viciously and the 2,020cm wheelbase and 615 kg weight combo ensured a ride worse than Wilson, Kepple & Betty.

 

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It would be very AS if you managed to get some sort of scabby disease named after you. Preferably the sort of thing that you would get if you sat in, or maybe even looked at a photo of, a car that Cavcraft has just bought off eBay for forty quid.

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Perfect for eBay 'RaT LOOOK NOT GOLF CUSTARDWORT V16 ESCROT TWUNT UNDERHEDCAMM CRAPI" ad then.

 

Remember to lower the suspension on one side and to invent a model / trim level first remove all punctuation and say "i am told" quite a few times if you can get the engine size changed on the v5 so that insurance is cheaper m8 that would be better also you should start with 2000 words on when the car was launched how many were made and how mr bertram dingley-faggot of west dangling in the forest bought it from "dodgy bastards" in 1764 ....

 

Easy.

 
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mercrocker On Allotments..... Margot would approve  :mrgreen:

 

".. for so little reward and so much backache as that miserable stony little gradient.   If you think old car bores are twats, hangers-on, time-wasters and gribble-spouters you ought to try tolerating the kind of fork-wielding Nazi that stalks the pitches there. "

 

 

TS

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