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Autoshite Quote of the Year Thread 2017


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#1 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 01 January 2017 - 11:48 AM

Time to bring QoTY kicking and screaming into 2017, with this gem from Nyphur on Japanese Imports.

Does the interior smell slightly of vanilla? I've had 3 Japanese imports before and all of them smelt slightly of vanilla, long after I'd gone through a number of my own air fresheners. Never worked out why - just presume all Japanese people smell of a 99.




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  • Richard, Junkman, Cavcraft and 1 other like this

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - GRASSY

'88 Volvo 740GLE - COUNCIL ESTATE INNIT
'94 Volvo 850GLT 2.0-20v - GREEN

'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - ROTTEN

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - DECAYING

'01 Volvo S60 T5 SE - FAST AS RAZZ


#2 OFFLINE   garbaldy

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Posted 01 January 2017 - 11:50 AM

That quote was last year though.
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#3 ONLINE   phil_lihp

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Posted 11 January 2017 - 08:15 PM

This gem from BorniteIdentity's Launch Spec 75 thread:

 

 

The key looks like it's been run over by the Phoenix 4 on their way to the bank


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#4 OFFLINE   rml2345

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Posted 22 January 2017 - 04:14 AM

Still, at least it has new high pressure pies.



Nothing more disappointing than a low pressure pie.


Both made I roffle.
  • IainL, Parky, Skizzer and 5 others like this
Current Wheels;
1994 Volvo 850 GLT Saloon
1996 Citroën Xantia Dimension (Les Hamper des Bisquites)
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Previous Wheels;
2003 Toyota "Leyland" Yaris T Spirit (Three times)
2002 Mitsubishi Carisma DI-D (Blob)
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1996 Volvo 940 SE Turbo Estate (Beeb)
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#5 OFFLINE   beko1987

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Posted 23 January 2017 - 05:16 PM

Cambelt Roulette Anticipatory Position (CRAP)

 

From Rantingyoofs most excellent focus for sale thread!


  • Sigmund Fraud and Cavcraft like this

2005 Gooner2 2.2dci Auto ex taxi (apparently) (Ex Kiltox)

2008 orl Vauxhalls r Shit Zafira 1.8 SRI 140 (Hers)
 


#6 ONLINE   catsinthewelder

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Posted 27 January 2017 - 10:47 PM

Both from the rather ace Sub 1000cc beater club

 

Station

My old 998cc Whizzkid which was a lot of pendulum RWD fun.
Also my 850cc Nippa. You can't have more fun with less than 1000cc, unless of course you have a 125cc powered butt plug.

 

 

Barefoot

 

 

 

 

 

My only other jaunt into sub 1000cc motoring was this piece of shit...

 

 

http://i1068.photobucket.com/albums/u451...

 

The car is on the left, on the right is an even bigger pile of shit.

 

It was 595cc/26bhp and the purchase was inspired by a little enthusiasm for that popular Irish beat combo - U2. To say it was worse than you'd expect remains an understatement. It functioned as a car, had an excellent heater, HRW & intermittent wipers. But despite being two stroke, peak power was at a lowly 4,200rpm & max (sustainable) speed was just 60 mph. It had, and needed a freewheel on top, fourth gear. It bucked worse than shagging your wife's younger sister from behind in the lower ratios. It had more grease nipples than a sane man would consider necessary. The steering, already lacking in self centring ability at the best of times, would stiffen like a porn star if you forgot to grease it weekly, the drum brakes snatched viciously and the 2,020cm wheelbase and 615 kg weight combo ensured a ride worse than Wilson, Kepple & Betty.

 


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#7 OFFLINE   eddyramrod

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Posted 27 January 2017 - 10:56 PM

It bucked worse than shagging your wife's younger sister from behind

 

You haven't met my wife's younger sister..... ;)


The Blob: 2007 Chevrolet Tacuma (wheelchair bus)

Giffer: 1995 Rover 820Si

Huggy Bear: 1973 Cadillac Coupe de Ville

 

 

 

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#8 OFFLINE   shumarialto

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 10:55 AM

Good old/young Bren does it again on the Omega limo thread.

 

My 2.5 senator had a sport button - it was as useful as tits on a bull. 


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#9 ONLINE   Craig the Princess

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 09:26 PM

This image still haunts me and I still shudder whenever I see a Renault 17 or 15 , or indeed homeless men having a wank.


  • blakey79, Alusilber and chodweaver like this

Filtered through the Heather!


#10 OFFLINE   Breadvan72

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Posted 12 February 2017 - 09:31 PM


Yes, I swapped the probably most virgin Series 2 V8 in existence for a hanging, clapped out heap and a few kippers.

 

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#11 OFFLINE   saucedoctor

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 10:25 PM


Thanks, but with the best respect in the world I think I'd sooner get towed down the road on my bare arse at 80mph than spend much time repairing a Volkswagen.

  • IainL, Station, myglaren and 7 others like this

Fearne Cotton smells rotten


#12 OFFLINE   Station

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Posted 13 February 2017 - 11:08 PM

Just picturing Billy sat on his arse hanging on to a tow rope at the back of his house ordering his son not to go to fast. :D
  • mat_the_cat and saucedoctor like this

#13 OFFLINE   BenHar

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Posted 03 March 2017 - 10:56 PM

Uniquely among modern cars it even looks like an engine (silver bits! Red bits!) when you open the bonnet, rather than a goths' Tupperware party.


Ben
  • Twiggy, Lord Sterling, myglaren and 12 others like this

CHRIS1980, on 08 Jan 2016 - 8:37 PM, said:snapback.png

Your clearly thick....end of.


#14 OFFLINE   DeeJay

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Posted 05 March 2017 - 11:49 AM

http://autoshite.com...for-sale/page-3

 

"Another satisfied noncustomer! "

 

 

 

WW, after Jazoli dodged a bullet.


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#15 OFFLINE   quicksilver

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Posted 07 March 2017 - 05:50 PM

 

It would be very AS if you managed to get some sort of scabby disease named after you. Preferably the sort of thing that you would get if you sat in, or maybe even looked at a photo of, a car that Cavcraft has just bought off eBay for forty quid.


  • Skizzer, Magnificent Rustbucket, eddyramrod and 3 others like this

Always look on the Shite side of life

 

1999 Vauxhall Zafira - shit or shite?

1978 Austin Maxi - proper shite or proper classic?

1972 Renault 6 - genuine garage find

 

Rusty Old Rubbish - a shite blog about shite and stuff


#16 OFFLINE   Richard

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Posted 07 March 2017 - 08:22 PM

Chaseracer's post on the same subject genuinely made me laugh out loud, although it works best in context.

Renal, not Renault...  ;)


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#17 OFFLINE   loserone

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 06:33 PM

ScaryOldCortina:

 

 

 

fate-O.png

Advisories:

...

3. Nearside Rear (Tyre is ancient, has a cracked sidewall and is a flipping fate-O.)


  • Magnificent Rustbucket, CreepingJesus, Lacquer Peel and 2 others like this
540331.png

#18 ONLINE   vulgalour

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Posted 08 March 2017 - 10:26 PM

FFS, that A35 looks like a coal bunker.


For context: http://autoshite.com...me-3/?p=1182351

s-l1600 (1).jpg
  • KruJoe, catsinthewelder, rml2345 and 2 others like this

#19 OFFLINE   quicksilver

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Posted 10 March 2017 - 05:51 PM

On Sam Glover's epic Fiat 133

 

It looks like someone made a Fiat 126 out of melamine door panels.


  • Station, cobblers and chodweaver like this

Always look on the Shite side of life

 

1999 Vauxhall Zafira - shit or shite?

1978 Austin Maxi - proper shite or proper classic?

1972 Renault 6 - genuine garage find

 

Rusty Old Rubbish - a shite blog about shite and stuff


#20 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 12 March 2017 - 11:11 AM

​In response to Wilson's Peugeot 106 thread

 

 

 

Alternators are wankers.

 

It just doesn't get better than that.


  • cort16, Station, Junkman and 2 others like this
"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#21 OFFLINE   AMC Rebel

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Posted 01 April 2017 - 06:47 PM

 From a particularly visually challenged boat project on the eBay tat thread -

 

http://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/yDgAAOSwol...

 

lol, did he use Minecraft as a CAD program?

 

 


  • Magnificent Rustbucket, catsinthewelder, Junkman and 2 others like this

1994 Range Rover Classic "The Crying Pumpkin"

2003 Jaaaag XJ 260K miles and counting

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1967 AMC Rebel SST convertible (superior body and originality being slowly raided for spares for the '68) Off road for at least the last 25 years

1956 Chevy 210 4 door hardtop - bought in 2000 and still in my garage - I even do a bit of work on it occasionally - long term project

2005 MG ZT-T awaiting completion of engine transplant of spare V6 after OMG HGF on the engine that "never has that problem"

2005 Land Rover Discovery - for long trips and moving engines 


#22 OFFLINE   83C

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Posted 01 April 2017 - 06:51 PM

Jayroller on answering Nigerian eBay bellends:

"Will you post to Lagos?"

"yeah, of course mate - I'll cover the windscreen with fucking stamps and leave it by the postbox on Monday morning"


  • Banger Kenny, cms206, eddyramrod and 13 others like this

:ssch00101:


#23 OFFLINE   AMC Rebel

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 02:26 PM

 

Felly magic on the 50K mini thread

 

 

.....those rear lights on that Mini, someone should be shot in the cock for them, hideous, 

 

 


  • Felly Magic, chodweaver and Slartibartfast like this

1994 Range Rover Classic "The Crying Pumpkin"

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2000 Ford Mondeo Verona 1.8 pez FOR SALE Now with new As owner

2000 Ford Puma 1.7 - Roffled and now with new AS owner

1968 AMC Rebel SST convertible (working and road legal but in limp home mode)

1967 AMC Rebel SST convertible (superior body and originality being slowly raided for spares for the '68) Off road for at least the last 25 years

1956 Chevy 210 4 door hardtop - bought in 2000 and still in my garage - I even do a bit of work on it occasionally - long term project

2005 MG ZT-T awaiting completion of engine transplant of spare V6 after OMG HGF on the engine that "never has that problem"

2005 Land Rover Discovery - for long trips and moving engines 


#24 OFFLINE   AMC Rebel

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 01:20 PM

Cort16 on the eBay thread

 

Interesting photo setup. I particularly like the scale model of Frankenstein doing a shit in someones kettle.

 

 

 

 


  • Breadvan72, robinmasters, Cavcraft and 3 others like this

1994 Range Rover Classic "The Crying Pumpkin"

2003 Jaaaag XJ 260K miles and counting

2000 Ford Mondeo Verona 1.8 pez FOR SALE Now with new As owner

2000 Ford Puma 1.7 - Roffled and now with new AS owner

1968 AMC Rebel SST convertible (working and road legal but in limp home mode)

1967 AMC Rebel SST convertible (superior body and originality being slowly raided for spares for the '68) Off road for at least the last 25 years

1956 Chevy 210 4 door hardtop - bought in 2000 and still in my garage - I even do a bit of work on it occasionally - long term project

2005 MG ZT-T awaiting completion of engine transplant of spare V6 after OMG HGF on the engine that "never has that problem"

2005 Land Rover Discovery - for long trips and moving engines 


#25 ONLINE   320touring

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 04:10 PM

Cort16 describing the ooodles of access in a Mazda 323 v6 engine bay...

You've more chance of finding the arc of the covenant than changing the spark plugs on the opposite bank.


  • Disco Fever, Sloth in a bowl, Cavcraft and 1 other like this
Read about my chod based adventures here:
http://fuguttycars.wordpress.com/

#26 OFFLINE   Junkman

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Posted 29 April 2017 - 07:56 AM

When Junkman and Cavcraft are posting concurrently, it's like all of life's problems melt away and become eBay items.


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1967 Renault 16 TL............................................now with floor and MoT

1971 Mercedes 280SE............................................................fucked

1979 Mobylette AV89............................................................running
1997 Peugeot 405 2.0 Executive Estate.................now with aircon and brakes


#27 OFFLINE   AMC Rebel

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Posted 12 May 2017 - 10:18 AM

Perfect for eBay 'RaT LOOOK NOT GOLF CUSTARDWORT V16 ESCROT TWUNT UNDERHEDCAMM CRAPI" ad then.

Remember to lower the suspension on one side and to invent a model / trim level first remove all punctuation and say "i am told" quite a few times if you can get the engine size changed on the v5 so that insurance is cheaper m8 that would be better also you should start with 2000 words on when the car was launched how many were made and how mr bertram dingley-faggot of west dangling in the forest bought it from "dodgy bastards" in 1764 ....

Easy.

 

  • Cavcraft and chodweaver like this

1994 Range Rover Classic "The Crying Pumpkin"

2003 Jaaaag XJ 260K miles and counting

2000 Ford Mondeo Verona 1.8 pez FOR SALE Now with new As owner

2000 Ford Puma 1.7 - Roffled and now with new AS owner

1968 AMC Rebel SST convertible (working and road legal but in limp home mode)

1967 AMC Rebel SST convertible (superior body and originality being slowly raided for spares for the '68) Off road for at least the last 25 years

1956 Chevy 210 4 door hardtop - bought in 2000 and still in my garage - I even do a bit of work on it occasionally - long term project

2005 MG ZT-T awaiting completion of engine transplant of spare V6 after OMG HGF on the engine that "never has that problem"

2005 Land Rover Discovery - for long trips and moving engines 


#28 OFFLINE   Dave_Q

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Posted 16 May 2017 - 09:54 PM

https://c1.staticflickr.com/5/4160/34661...
 
PS; "Double the batteries, double the pussy."


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#29 OFFLINE   tooSavvy

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Posted 27 May 2017 - 02:51 PM

mercrocker On Allotments..... Margot would approve  :mrgreen:

 

".. for so little reward and so much backache as that miserable stony little gradient.   If you think old car bores are twats, hangers-on, time-wasters and gribble-spouters you ought to try tolerating the kind of fork-wielding Nazi that stalks the pitches there. "

 

 

TS


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Wallsend?.....it's not the End of the Walled ;<)

35942490325_3f0da8b633_m.jpgSUCKS


#30 OFFLINE   AMC Rebel

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Posted 29 May 2017 - 08:36 AM

It's better to have tried and failed than to look a gift horse in the bush. 

 

  • Banger Kenny, michael1703, phil_lihp and 2 others like this

1994 Range Rover Classic "The Crying Pumpkin"

2003 Jaaaag XJ 260K miles and counting

2000 Ford Mondeo Verona 1.8 pez FOR SALE Now with new As owner

2000 Ford Puma 1.7 - Roffled and now with new AS owner

1968 AMC Rebel SST convertible (working and road legal but in limp home mode)

1967 AMC Rebel SST convertible (superior body and originality being slowly raided for spares for the '68) Off road for at least the last 25 years

1956 Chevy 210 4 door hardtop - bought in 2000 and still in my garage - I even do a bit of work on it occasionally - long term project

2005 MG ZT-T awaiting completion of engine transplant of spare V6 after OMG HGF on the engine that "never has that problem"

2005 Land Rover Discovery - for long trips and moving engines 





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