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Fear and Loathing at SVM HQ


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#1 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 11:46 AM

As mentioned elsewhere, my long suffering wife decided that an ideal Christmas present for her Scottish husband was another Volvo. Step forward Baby Jesus the Volvo, a 2001 V40 T4 SE.

e0ebb74badad4e6ac36f0740b569360c.jpg

It has many issues, but it was also very cheap.

And filthy.

e4ffea13d42b788414e84b9be556c553.jpg

... and stinking of weed. The photo doesn't accurately convey the smell, but I got high even just driving it. The photo does show the jump pack which is sometimes a requirement.

a8ab164215018a15389f98cea7f50649.jpg

Issues found so far, in no particular order

1. Drivers door doesn't lock - NOW FIXED
2. Back doors unlock but won't open - NOW FIXED
3. Boot release is a bit sketchy - NOW FIXED
4. No load cover or floormats
5. NSF rattles like a skeleton wanking in a biscuit tin
6. Two rear tyres required - one slow puncture, one balding edge.
7. Different keys for locks and ignition
8. Front offside wing need painted, rest of the paint is fucked
9. Boot offside speaker grille missing
10. Oil leak
11. No radio code - NOW FIXED
12. Minging. Inside and out - SCRUBBED
13. Alloys need a refurb.
14. Cambelt change last done at 50k in 2006. Now on 110k.
15. Short MOT.
16. Clutch slave cylinder leaking.
17. Battery is a bit sketchy.
18. Rattles like a Transit Di running on three until the oil circulates
19. Steering shimmy at 60+mph
20. One entire side skirt missing
21. SRS light on
22. Volvo electrics

All that said inside it's silent as a fish and pulls like a great so we shall see how long it lasts before I kill it and/or it kills me.

d613cfe6d44876f11cedcd538d664c01.jpg

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  • outlaw118, wuvvum, garethj and 43 others like this

'83 Volvo 340DL - broken

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - awaiting collection

'88 Volvo 740GLE - poorly

'89 Volvo 740GLE - broken
'89 Vauxhall Cavalier SRi130 - broken
'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - not broken

'97 Peugeot 406 2.1LXDT - not broken

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - not broken

'01 Volvo V40 T4 SE - mostly broken


#2 OFFLINE   Tickman

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 11:50 AM

Welcome to Autoshite Little baby Jesus.


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#3 OFFLINE   Skizzer

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 11:52 AM

Nothing says I love you like a shagged out Volvo.

That's looking pretty darned handsome after a wash. Slightly disappointed at lack of wise men or donkeys in the bus garage, though.
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#4 OFFLINE   Supernaut

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 11:54 AM

You said no load cover or floormats. There's a floormat right there in the driver's foot well! With lovely purple piping too.

 

 

I've always had these S40/V40 T4s on my short list, but never got a chance to try one. I almost had a look at one instead of that Audi A4 1.8T quattro I had for a while, but it sold within 24 hours of going up for sale. It was in considerably better condition than yours, though.


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#5 OFFLINE   dean36014

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 11:56 AM

wish i had a partner who brought me clapped out cars for xmas! My ex wife used to be give me so much verbal for changing cars regularly.


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#6 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 12:04 PM



You said no load cover or floormats. There's a floormat right there in the driver's foot well! With lovely purple piping too.


They are vile and I may be getting a bit Mo Sterling in my floormattery

It was in considerably better condition than yours, though.


Most of them are.


wish i had a partner who brought me clapped out cars for xmas! My ex wife used to be give me so much verbal for changing cars regularly.

My wife does too. I'd gone from 11 runners to 5 in fairly short order and she's just hit me with another!

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'83 Volvo 340DL - broken

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - awaiting collection

'88 Volvo 740GLE - poorly

'89 Volvo 740GLE - broken
'89 Vauxhall Cavalier SRi130 - broken
'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - not broken

'97 Peugeot 406 2.1LXDT - not broken

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - not broken

'01 Volvo V40 T4 SE - mostly broken


#7 OFFLINE   Hooli

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 12:11 PM

I remember driving these when they were new. Hilariously quick while still driving like a giffer wagon with a race clutch.

 

The traction control tried to kill me too, no power on a damp roundabout when I needed to pull the front round.


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#8 OFFLINE   DeeJay

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 12:14 PM

net-original.png

 

Baby cheeses.


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#9 ONLINE   Richard

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 12:30 PM

I'll put the SRS light out for you when I'm in the same place as the car, and do a scan to give you some new things to worry about.

 

Volvo SRS lights never go out on their own, even if the fault that caused them is no longer present. They are usually triggered by the wiring under the seat being disturbed rather than an actual fault.


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#10 OFFLINE   hairnet

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 12:42 PM

shagged out Volvo


Might not get many more (runs)
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#11 OFFLINE   hairnet

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 12:44 PM

Find her a clapped out Volvo 66
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#12 OFFLINE   Hooli

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 12:44 PM

Find her a clapped out Volvo 66

DAF(t) idea


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#13 OFFLINE   sierraman

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 01:02 PM

Fucking hell thats clapped out.
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#14 OFFLINE   Bren

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 01:12 PM

If my wife had given me that on Christmas morning I'd have punched her on the nose.
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#15 OFFLINE   inconsistant

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 01:30 PM

"Away In A Minger"

 

Lovely that, ours is an 03 with those wheels and they're a pain in the arse, in 7 years of owning it at any time at least one tyre keeps going flat over a couple of weeks. Paid local tyre place to sort them every now and then when we get pissed off with it but lasts a year at best. really need refurbing but not sure how long that would solve the problem for as Ovlov alloys are made from an alloy of aluminium and victoria sponge cake apparently. Also a pain in the arse to keep clean because they've got lots of inside corners, so I don't. They're sought after alloys though.

 

Ours is deieseil and with the previous Avon tyres and a whopping 115 horseypowers to deal with the front end did it's own thing in the damp/wet. Recently replaced with Yokohamas and it's like, literally, like a different car to drive.

 

Your wife sounds lovely btw.


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924: Likely to dislove a bit slower than anything elas on my chod for a gran list

 

"It did indeed require a certain, not too small, amount of social courage to be seen riding this unconventional bicycle. One could be sure that everybody would be looking, some with great amusement."

 

"The problem with the automobile today consists precisely in the fact that the automobile is not a problem... Love only rarely listens to reason." Wolfgang Sachs, 1984

 


#16 OFFLINE   sierraman

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 03:30 PM

You might sort the tyre problem out if you took the tyre off the bead, wire brushed the inside of the rim then hammerited it. I've known that work for people.

#17 OFFLINE   hairnet

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 04:30 PM

If my wife had given me that on Christmas morning I'd have punched her on the nose.


Then you'd be on the news when she kilt you :)

#18 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 05:45 PM

My apprentice bled the clutch up again today so I am enjoying MAXIMUM HOON before it invariably shits itself again. It drives bloody well but the rattling from the NSF meant I had to turn Newsdrive up on Radio Scotland on the way home tonight.

Cambelt kit, oil leak and clutch slave are all on the hitlist over the next two weeks or so.

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  • KruJoe, purplebargeken, Lacquer Peel and 1 other like this

'83 Volvo 340DL - broken

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - awaiting collection

'88 Volvo 740GLE - poorly

'89 Volvo 740GLE - broken
'89 Vauxhall Cavalier SRi130 - broken
'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - not broken

'97 Peugeot 406 2.1LXDT - not broken

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - not broken

'01 Volvo V40 T4 SE - mostly broken


#19 OFFLINE   Hooli

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 05:46 PM

I seem to recall drop links failing for fun on these.



#20 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 08:32 PM

Gratuitous Volvo photography.

2b1baf664f4cfc713d2ed1163e4226a1.jpg

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'83 Volvo 340DL - broken

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - awaiting collection

'88 Volvo 740GLE - poorly

'89 Volvo 740GLE - broken
'89 Vauxhall Cavalier SRi130 - broken
'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - not broken

'97 Peugeot 406 2.1LXDT - not broken

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - not broken

'01 Volvo V40 T4 SE - mostly broken


#21 OFFLINE   WilsonWilson

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 08:42 PM


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#22 OFFLINE   beko1987

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 09:11 PM

Hang on...

Volvo (safe)
Modern (reliable?)
Isofix?
Big boot for lots of bags?
Leather for wiping vomit/food off?


Congratulations mate. She's just dropped a massive hint...
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#23 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 09:32 PM

Hang on...

Volvo (safe)
Modern (reliable?)
Isofix?
Big boot for lots of bags?
Leather for wiping vomit/food off?


Congratulations mate. She's just dropped a massive hint...

My Godson (6 months old) bought me a book for Christmas.

a6e419490a14194f5b1ff3a4e6af8b9a.jpg

It also contains a hint that he would like a friend.

f87019e8aac3eaf66dd1978d0e812a3f.jpg

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'83 Volvo 340DL - broken

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - awaiting collection

'88 Volvo 740GLE - poorly

'89 Volvo 740GLE - broken
'89 Vauxhall Cavalier SRi130 - broken
'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - not broken

'97 Peugeot 406 2.1LXDT - not broken

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - not broken

'01 Volvo V40 T4 SE - mostly broken


#24 OFFLINE   worldofceri

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 09:38 PM

On account of I still pine for my old T4, I am having all the jealous.

 

When you have it fettled to perfection, I will be more than willing to offer you an offensively small sum of money for it.


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#25 OFFLINE   FakeConcern

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 09:43 PM

I love it (and your wife!)


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#26 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 29 December 2016 - 09:47 PM

Estatey cars are for winnahs!


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#27 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 12:11 AM

So, the V40. Great bunch of lads.

The rattling was the nearside strut top mount which after lots of fucking about with entirely the wrong one, we got one to fit. It was fitted today and is now much quieter. The wheels are, however, fucked. I reckon I need to track down a set of maybe 16in Sport wheels 'cos these all appear to be eggshaped meaning it's fairly smooth up to 60/65 then it all goes horrifically violently unpleasant.

The clutch has been bled up and so far has held nicely; the oil leak has been traced so that and a thorough service to (hopefully) clear a top end rattle when cold. That'll more or less leave the cambelt outstanding, which'll be a farm out job; any recommendations for folk in Central Scotland who could do such a thing without leaving me with an arsehole like the Japanese flag?

24dcd7bc726f13e0d1826ae617224be7.jpg

In other news, one manual Volvo Turbo isn't enough so today I went and collected a second which the V40 was sniggering at today...

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... it's a 1987 740 Turbo estate.

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It's absolutely filthy inside.

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But it runs, it's had an absolute shitting fortune spent on it (cambelt, water pump, discs and pads all round last year, rear shockers last year, running Pirellis up front and Bridgestones on the rear) but it was scrapyard bound over a clutch. It's had a new clutch slave fitted but apparantly the clutch went with a bang and the bloke gave up with it.

cee5e94f7bcd08d59cc2b9551d1a6318.jpg

We towed it up to SVM HQ today and mostly it seems well; that said, the clutch is kippered and the bracket (cast) which holds the slave cylinder in place is cracked so a bit of fucking about to do but it should see the road again without too much issue. Bizzarely all the gauges work perfectly except the rev counter which over-reads by about 1000rpm.

Also as seen elsewhere, it has astroturf on the headlining. I have no idea but I think it can stay.

10d0c83d68a7634c4140a4ca3635aecd.jpg



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'83 Volvo 340DL - broken

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - awaiting collection

'88 Volvo 740GLE - poorly

'89 Volvo 740GLE - broken
'89 Vauxhall Cavalier SRi130 - broken
'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - not broken

'97 Peugeot 406 2.1LXDT - not broken

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - not broken

'01 Volvo V40 T4 SE - mostly broken


#28 OFFLINE   IainL

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 08:13 AM

Isn't bizarre headlining an SVM thing anyway? Much jeal of the new Turbit and it's proper 80s spec.

V40 is nice too, always had a semi for these, especially the early ones with smaller headlights et al.
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#29 OFFLINE   hairnet

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 03:46 PM

Hang on...

Volvo (safe)
Modern (reliable?)
Isofix?
Big boot for lots of bags?
Leather for wiping vomit/food off?


Congratulations mate. She's just dropped a massive hint...

nah he has the cooncil for when that happens :D



#30 OFFLINE   cms206

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Posted 07 January 2017 - 04:39 PM

Root of the slow puncture on the V40 is....

*drumroll*

... A CRACKED ALLOY!

angryface

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'83 Volvo 340DL - broken

'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - awaiting collection

'88 Volvo 740GLE - poorly

'89 Volvo 740GLE - broken
'89 Vauxhall Cavalier SRi130 - broken
'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - not broken

'97 Peugeot 406 2.1LXDT - not broken

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - not broken

'01 Volvo V40 T4 SE - mostly broken





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