Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Disclaimer. Do not read if you hold no fondness for boring moderns cars. Chapter 1 It was the best of times, its was the worst of times.It was the age of no wisdom. It was the age of foolishness. It was the end of the winter of despair. It was the dawning of the summer of hope. We had everything before us and we were going straight to heaven. Hopefully in a small yellow car.There was a dealer in Hexham with a large jaw and a small yellow car and I was in Newcastle and had 50 pictures of a Queen with a plain face in my pocket.In both places it was clearer than crystal what needed to be done. I traveled by train on a hot summer afternoon. I haggled.I drove away. I paid too much and didnt really check it over as well as I should have. I stopped for fuel. Munny. It dove better than I remembered them to. Theres an awful howl from the rear though. Bearing required. Stopped off at Asda on the way home. Its a car you will never lose in the car park. Its a great little thing. Coprolalia, Vince70, Jim Bergerac and 15 others 18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 A quick walk around and inspection at The Asda revealed that one fog light was holed and taking in water. The reflector was suffering from the ingress. Drivers side: She was also missing a rear towing eye cover. Small things really, and easily resolved. I booked it in for a bearing and had a look on ebay. Vince70, Uncle Jimmy, Coprolalia and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Boot with fishnets exposed. Includes reasonably rare load cover. Not low miles, but not high either. dave21478, Coprolalia, Vince70 and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Investigations via telephone and internet bore distressing fruit. Fog light lenses cost more than is reasonable. So I bought some OMFGSCENE film to cover the hole and keep the water aoutside. Spend: £2. I didnt apply the film pericularly well, but I did do both sides. dave21478, fordperv, egg and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 I thought that was enough to be getting on with, put fresh oil and a filter into the mix and started driving it around. It was great fun. The missus then started speaking of a need for more MPGs. This talk spawned the Roffle of the Rover 25 gti and started me off singing loud the praises of small Japanese yellow warm hatches. "why dont you get an Ignis Sport darlin?" I ventured as she sat crocheting calmly. "I wouldnt mind one" she said. "they're quite cute". "Ah cool" Said I. "theres a yellow one for sale in Arbroath" *pause* "WE'RE NOT HAVING MATCHING FUCKING CARS YOU MORON, I'M NOT BEING ONE OF THOSE FUCKING MATCHING CAGOULE COUPLES THAT EVERYONE LAUGHS AT FOR FUCKS SAKE." So that was that. Faker, robinmasters, dave21478 and 21 others 24 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billyboy406v6 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 Why is there a horse standing behind you ? ( second pic up ) UmBongo, spartacus, oldcars and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 ................... Only it wasnt, because I went and bought her one anyway. With her own money. There was no way for me to collect it, the missus refused to collect it so we were left in a bit of a Branston. Thankfully, Autoshite is a great place, frequented by great people and Mr and Mrs FOAD offered to assist. They are lovely folk. Stolen FOADPICS: A SECOND IGNIS SPORT HAS ENTERED THE GAME. PRESS START TO CONTINUE> purplebargeken, Sheefag, NorfolkNWeigh and 13 others 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Why is there a horse standing behind you ? ( second pic up ) Because if you let them in front of you, theyre prone to kick you in the head. Vince70, The Moog, Sheefag and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 The second Ignis contained some (pointless) but reasonably valuable and desirable options, so I stole them all. Sports? meshe grille. +12hp Sill embelishers. +23hp. A rear towing eye cover! egg, Dave_Q, RichardK and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fordperv Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 the world needs more brightly coloured cars Jim Bell, Matt and Eddie Honda 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 The second car also had a JENUINE KANE ENN INDUCTION KIT. Which sounds nice, so that was also stolen Check out the pedal rubbers. I cant remember the last time I had a car with a throttle pedal rubber on it. Vince70, Sheefag, fordperv and 3 others 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 One of the minus points of the Ignis Sport is the long sloppy gearshift, much critisized by the motoring press at and post launch. Happily, there is a nice man called Tom Sizer, who mods the selector to reign the throw back into a snick snick short shift. I got my credit card out. Many thanks to Overrun for helping out at no notice. I generally have no what idea what I'm dong so appreciate the aids. It now feels more like an actual hot hatch, and sounds more like an actual hot hatch. Lacquer Peel, Coprolalia, dave21478 and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 One is good. Two is better. privatewire, egg, Sheefag and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 The second car had some interior painting which had to go: Yellow pannel is not want: Employ colour coded tools (and butter knives.) Thats better. fordperv and dave21478 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 And thats us pretty much done. Second car goes for MOT tomorrow. Two boring, modern cars that really have no place on Autoshite, hopefully staying for the long term. If you ever get the chance to have a go in one, please do. They really are pretty good, and absolutely underappreciated. AMC Rebel, loserone, dome and 8 others 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garethj Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 [Arthur from Cabin Pressure]Yellow car[\Arthur from Cabin Pressure] I've somehow managed to own 4 Suzukis in my proud car history, making it the second most popular marque. However owning two cars which are the same makes you look like Howard & Hilda Verdict: Well played but be careful of what's chosen from the wardrobe. privatewire, Station, The Moog and 5 others 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schonker Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 You sir are a legend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bub2006 Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 They look a lot like Corsa b heater controls with added buttons nice colour though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BorniteIdentity Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 MOT PRICE: £40.MATCHING NUMBER PLATES: £20. Catch on already. (!) HillmanImp, Dick Longbridge, Sheefag and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hairnet Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 when are the legs getting their own thread they both need spacers. badly. respec for buying two flying bananas Jim Bell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 10/10, would read again. Why did you steal the options, instead of just fobbing Mrs Wilsons off with the original car? "Because autoshite" presumably.You should have just swapped round the way they were parked and thrown her the keys to her* new car Because even though its higher mileage, mines better round the body. And has the foglamp bumper. Which was also an expensive option. It makes sense in my head anyways Nyphur 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
overrun Posted August 29, 2016 Share Posted August 29, 2016 when are the legs getting their own thread I'll do a build thread. Twiggy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noel Tidybeard Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Because even though its higher mileage, mines better round the body. And has the foglamp bumper. Which was also an expensive option. It makes sense in my head anyways and because speshul black trim on doors obvs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2MB Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 You never did mention her reaction to the matching yellow cars, was it unrepeatable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplebargeken Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Mmmmmm, yellow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billyboy406v6 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Think matching screwdrivers is so last year, darling ? Love those legs !!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 Mot pends. Nyphur and egg 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dollywobbler Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Do they have remote central locking? Or is it a pain remembering which one is yours? I think they qualify as Autoshite. Modern, perhaps, but I reckon most people won't know what the hell an Ignis is. Plus, yellow is ace. AMC Rebel 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 They have remote central locking but mine doesnt work. Theyre really easy to tell apart though. His has spotlamps and Pac Man decals. Hers has smooth front bumper and a black rear loading protector. Theres also the registrationz. Dave_Q 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Bell Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 Goble Nyphur, garycox, Vince70 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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