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BMW TRANSCOUNTYNENTAL ROAD TRIP TERROR MUSLIMS WIFE SWAP/SWOP [email protected]@K W.H.Y


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37 replies to this topic

#1 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 06:51 PM

An 8 million mile 1994 525i manual with some rust*, expired MOT and only a drivers wiper arm?

 

Well, wouldn't you? Cheap enough to make it daft NOT to buy it.

 

Me: Sheffield

 

Richard: Leics.

 

So, park the S60 at Sutton Parkway train station. Because my garage is near there.

 

Train: On time. £20.90 to Market Harborough. Not bad value.

 

Arrived on time, into Nottingham to catch the St.Pancreas. But there was one waiting to go so got onto that one - but not before hewing wallet raped for £4.25 for a ham and cheese excuse and a 100ml Tropicana. Bastards.

 

Arrived at Melton Harborrow on time, pissing with rain, carrying a BMW wiper arm. Met bloke in car park with gold Citroen CX, got in it and away we went. Turned out too be Richard as well - bonus. After 20 mins in CX - the worlds most comfy car - I didn't really want to get out. That's why the French can be so miserable,

 

Paid for car, stroked both Bengal cats (magnificent), had some home make Turkish Delight, discussed a few topics, farted about with immobiliser, headed off. Stopped for fuel (£10) and hit the M1.

 

Got back to base within 90 mins, it cruises well at 70-80.

 

Got back to base, replace bugged LCM (light control module) and all light warnings vanish.

 

Stopped for £3.99 carvery on way home - still digesting.

 

So what do I do with it? It's solid, needing work on one front arch, one rear arch and boot lid. Oxford green is near enough to Boston green for Halfords rattle can action. Air con blows cold. Pulls well. Rear shocks absolutely bollocksed, front ones not great. Fronts are £14 each from Euros.

 

Clutch does indeed slip.

 

The plan was to rape it for bits and weigh it in, but it's straight and has a stack of bills. It'll break to 700 quid but there aren't any of these left now. A decision for January, but I could do with a few more grazed knuckles.

 

 

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Autoshite. It's like Pistonheads...but without the wankers.

 

 

 

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#2 OFFLINE   billyboy406v6

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 06:58 PM

Great thread, great pics, shit sandwich !


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#3 OFFLINE   cort1977

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 07:23 PM

Had a L plate one years ago that I loved, did not do an indicated 140 on the A90 south of Aberdeen.

 

Be a shame to break it, even my Dad who doesn't notice these things once said to me 'that's a fine looking car'.


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#4 OFFLINE   castros_bro

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 07:33 PM

Ginsters make SANDWICHES, fuck me that's appalling. I'm never going out, anywhere, ever ever again, the world has gone mad. Fuck me (again) their pasties were shit. (other shit pasties are available)


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#5 OFFLINE   Peter C

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 08:18 PM

Not many pics of the car (although the one pic of the sandwich is enough to confirm it would give me the runs) but I say don't break it. That really is a lovely looking motor and as you've said, they are getting rare. Enjoy Christmas, get over today's food treats and get fixin' in the new year. For a couple of hundred pounds of investment you'll have a great car.
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#6 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 08:28 PM

Not many pics of the car (although the one pic of the sandwich is enough to confirm it would give me the runs) but I say don't break it. That really is a lovely looking motor and as you've said, they are getting rare. Enjoy Christmas, get over today's food treats and get fixin' in the new year. For a couple of hundred pounds of investment you'll have a great car.

 

Two new Anschler front shocks ordered yo. £28 delivered. 

 

It is a handsome car in the way the E39 never was. I'm a soft twat with this stuff. My mate Pete says it'll break to a lot of cash but you'd be a hard man to take the gas axe to this, and breaking cars is an arse ache. I can get it looking and driving very well for £500 (imc. purchase), and despite the silly mileage it'll still be worth a grand*. This was BMW's high water mark when stuff was designed and made to last 300'000 miles. Which it has.

 

 

 

 

 

*Subject to a good look over, my 318i Touring will be for sale in the new year - MOT booked for Jan 7th. The 525i will replace it. Higher mileage, less practical, uses more fuel. Perfect, then.


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Autoshite. It's like Pistonheads...but without the wankers.

 

 

 

MASTER RACE MOTORS.

 

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#7 OFFLINE   Dave_Q

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 08:41 PM

I bought and then sold back to my mate an E28 525e for 300 quid about 4-5 years ago. 

 

The car would probably sell for £2000++ now.

 

The E34 you have there is surely at the bottom of the curve now and can only go up. 

 

Well saved.

 

Please note, the value of your investment* may go down as well as up.


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#8 OFFLINE   320touring

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 09:10 PM

e34 are ftw!i was interesed in this too-good to see it has a stay of execution:)
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#9 OFFLINE   dave21478

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 09:15 PM

Too many sprouts.


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#10 OFFLINE   castros_bro

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 09:21 PM

Too many sprouts.

 

Fuck me sideways NOT GINSTERS SPROUTS !!!


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#11 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 09:58 PM

You can't go wrong with a PEPPERED STEAK SLICE


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Autoshite. It's like Pistonheads...but without the wankers.

 

 

 

MASTER RACE MOTORS.

 

1989 F  730i. Prestigious.

1999 S  E36 318i Touring. Daily shitter.

1994 M 318Ti - Track whore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#12 OFFLINE   FPB7

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 10:05 PM

Fook me, the CX is relegated to taxi duties now?

#13 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 10:10 PM

Fook me, the CX is relegated to taxi duties now?

 Re; why have mince when steak is at home etc.

 

Done a spec check on the E34: She's got M Sport (innit) suspension and folding rear seats (through load option) plus an electric rear shagging blind. No wonder I felt like a thrusting executive on the M1.


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Autoshite. It's like Pistonheads...but without the wankers.

 

 

 

MASTER RACE MOTORS.

 

1989 F  730i. Prestigious.

1999 S  E36 318i Touring. Daily shitter.

1994 M 318Ti - Track whore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#14 OFFLINE   FPB7

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 10:12 PM

ITS MY STEAK!
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#15 OFFLINE   For Fiats Sake

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 10:21 PM

Is it just me or does anyone else feel short changed by the non swappage of wives?

#16 OFFLINE   castros_bro

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Posted 21 December 2015 - 10:56 PM

Is it just me or does anyone else feel short changed by the non swappage of wives?

 

 

Noooooo Nooo Noo not the GINSTERS WIVES nightmare, my life is wasted!!   Ohh help me GOD (other deities are available)



#17 OFFLINE   Lord Sterling

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 02:16 AM

Nice, I wanted to see a pic of this car.

Cow interior? May be well interested by January if owed bills are mostly paid.
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#18 OFFLINE   RichardK

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 09:56 AM

Fook me, the CX is relegated to taxi duties now?

 

Hahah!

I was about to grab the Picasso, but collecting a shiter in a Picasso? That's just mean!


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#19 OFFLINE   RichardK

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 09:57 AM

And yes, we had a debate about the fate of this several times along the lines of "scrap or save", and I'm pleased it's getting saved, and equally pleased it's not on my time/budget to fix it given the number of projects ongoing!


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-- 

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Outgoing:  Stress. Incoming: Nowt.

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#20 OFFLINE   spartacus

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 10:42 AM

FWIW, (as the kids say), I'm in the'save it' camp. I also sold a really clean 525e to a 'mate', for about £400 who then decided to turn it into a mobile hash den, now it's a wreck. Give these another 3-4 years and I think e34s will start to rise in value. Dead easy to fix too.

#21 OFFLINE   colino

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 01:23 PM

Is the clutch really going?  I ask genuinely as a lot of people seem to be caught out in the 5 series, especially the e34, as it does have a long travel and seems soft for a big car.

Fix what needs doing, sell the plate and have a nearly free car.



#22 OFFLINE   sierraman

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 01:29 PM

Pictured last week with gold wheels wtf

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#23 OFFLINE   Minimad5

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 02:21 PM

Bloody WANT !
Well done that man
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#24 OFFLINE   RichardK

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 02:41 PM

Is the clutch really going?  I ask genuinely as a lot of people seem to be caught out in the 5 series, especially the e34, as it does have a long travel and seems soft for a big car.

Fix what needs doing, sell the plate and have a nearly free car.

 

Yes, it's going, it slips if you welly it in higher gears. Trust me, if I thought that it was just previous owner not getting how the car works, I'd have gone for another MOT on it :)


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#25 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 03:12 PM

Oh dear.

 

 

 

Well, I've had the wheels off and had a good look at it. 

 

Rear shocks (100'000 mile Bilsteins) are okay. Top mounts are not.

 

Beam bushes are very soft.

 

Drivers front damper is ruined, no fluid left. But I sort of knew that.

 

Passenger lower control arm balljoint gone.

 

Needs 2 or 3 metal brake pipes. Try doing those without replacing flexies as well.

 

Steering box is very tired.

 

Clutch is completely buggered. A new kit is around £140.

 

Passenger front nand drivers rear doors don't open from inside. Could be the linkage wire dropped off, except they don't. MOT fail and possible arse to fix.

 

Drivers wing is pretty grim. Could be saved, but maybe not.

 

Bootlid is rotten, holed around number plate lights.

 

And the BMW dealer fit alarm immobiliser is on its way out. It has a dash immobiliser plug thing. Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. It needs to come out, but as the loom goes under tyne carpet, it's a pretty serious mission.

 

 

In short, it's had it. It just isn't worth doing.   :-(  The clutch is the killer - I would consider doing the other stuff, but a clutch change without a ramp is just a fucker of a job. Plus, I could do all this work and it would fail the MOT on emissions - looking at last years result it only scraped past and a 21 year old 300'000 mile catalyst only lasts so long.

 

 

But, I bought the car sight unseen for little more than scrap money with the intention of breaking it and making a few hundred quid for all my aggro, bruises etc. It's had a good long life and a lot of it (engine, gearbox, interior, lights, dash, wheels etc etc) will be living on and keeping another E34 going. 


Autoshite. It's like Pistonheads...but without the wankers.

 

 

 

MASTER RACE MOTORS.

 

1989 F  730i. Prestigious.

1999 S  E36 318i Touring. Daily shitter.

1994 M 318Ti - Track whore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#26 OFFLINE   320touring

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 04:22 PM

Could I ask for the rear struts please?

sorry to hear of its passing.

I may have a few other bits needed too
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#27 OFFLINE   Bren

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 04:30 PM

We need a photo like the one of the focus at the funeral when it was weighed in.

A good vet would have had that sandwich wagging it's tail.

#28 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 04:38 PM

Could I ask for the rear struts please?

sorry to hear of its passing.

I may have a few other bits needed too

 

Yes - are you in a rush for them?

 

It is a shame - cruising up the M1 with the radio on and armrests down I was mentally planning the restoration. But the numbers don't add up and I don't want/need another labour of love project.

 

On the plus side, stripping a car to a shell and knowing that the bits are on another 10 cars makes it alright in my book.


Autoshite. It's like Pistonheads...but without the wankers.

 

 

 

MASTER RACE MOTORS.

 

1989 F  730i. Prestigious.

1999 S  E36 318i Touring. Daily shitter.

1994 M 318Ti - Track whore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#29 OFFLINE   The Reverend Bluejeans

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 04:40 PM

We need a photo like the one of the focus at the funeral when it was weighed in.

A good vet would have had that sandwich wagging it's tail.

 

Leave it with me.

 

I did give it a good wash today though - couldn't bear to see it there covered in shite. It deserves some respect!


Autoshite. It's like Pistonheads...but without the wankers.

 

 

 

MASTER RACE MOTORS.

 

1989 F  730i. Prestigious.

1999 S  E36 318i Touring. Daily shitter.

1994 M 318Ti - Track whore

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


#30 OFFLINE   alf892

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Posted 22 December 2015 - 04:55 PM

Not a bad carve up for £3.99 though........on a weekday lunchtime too you decadent bugger!




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