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Dr.Fraud's Private Scrapyard - A truly horrible blog !


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#121 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 23 January 2017 - 01:20 PM

In other fleet news, I've finally managed to spend some time checking my new acquisition :

 

ScAABarn.jpg

 

A low-mileage car with full service history, which had lain dormant in a somersetian barn for the past three years.

 

A promising buy, especially considering the price, but initial impressions were thoroughly underwhelming. The previous owner wasn't too big in detailing, something evidenced by the fact that both the interior and underbody were caked in mud. The engine ran like shite and wouldn't get up to temperature, the gear lever was more imprecise than a 1970s Fiat, the steering wheel shook like a bugger and the car pulled to the left at anything over 50MPH.

 

Splendid. Yet another quality* purchase, that's bound to keep me busy in the following weeks...


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#122 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 23 January 2017 - 01:56 PM

You have not been taking your medication have you. This clearly leads to the obsessive purchasing of old shite whilst farting in the general direction of logic and financial sensibility. Congratulations on a fine* purchase. 

 

Get the bloody Daf fixed.


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#123 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 23 January 2017 - 02:08 PM

You have not been taking your medication have you. This clearly leads to the obsessive purchasing of old shite whilst farting in the general direction of logic and financial sensibility. Congratulations on a fine* purchase. 

 

Get the bloody Daf fixed.

 

THE VOICES TOLD ME TO DO IT etc. etc.

 

You're absolutely right about the DAF(s)... I must really pull my finger out, two weekends of solid work and they could both be road legal.



#124 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 23 January 2017 - 02:19 PM

Yeah, yeah. It's always the 'voices'. 

 

Remove digit and leap forwards towards progress and a working Daf!!


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#125 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 03:36 PM

So after a few days of hideous weather and the resulting procrastination, it was time to start working on the ScAAB.

 

I drove it to the workshop very slowly and very carefully, as it was pulling to the left even worse than I remembered. The reason for that quickly became obvious : all the tyres were massively deflated, the front left having just under 1 bar of pressure. This problem was quickly rectified, and proper* work began.

 

I started with the easy stuff, replacing a broken indicator with a less broken one :

 

Broken.jpg Fixed.jpg

 

Modernising the in-car entertainment system was next :

 

90sSony.jpg
Mechless.jpg

 

And the replacement of the manky air filter with a new one followed :

 

Air.jpg

 

It was then time to drop the coolant, and replace the thermostat, which was clearly buggered :

 

ThermosAAB.jpg

 

While the coolant was draining, I cleaned the dizzy cap and rotor arm contacts with some emery paper, as years of sitting in a barn had taken their toll.

 

I then re-filled the cooling system with some good, old-fashioned ethylene glycol mix and took the thing for a test drive :

 

UKSaab.jpg

 

Much, much better ! It ran well, engine temperature was rock steady, and it no longer went for the hedge if you kept the steering wheel straight.

 

Back to the workshop, and the engine was now warm enough for the car to assume the usual position :

 

SAABWork.jpg

 

An oil change was not overdue in terms of mileage, but massively overdue in terms of time :

 

Unipart.jpg

 

Also note how the wrong oil filter had been used by the Swedish Car Specialist* who had been maintaining the car... This was replaced with a decent Mann one, and the engine filled with fresh 10W40.

 

Mann.jpg

 

And then it was time to call it a day... Stay tuned for more ScAAB updates over the next few days weeks months.


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#126 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 06:12 PM

Nice looking Swedish bint.



#127 OFFLINE   Hooli

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 10:24 PM

What a familiar view of a Saab, I saw much the same earlier but mine has the patented exterior lubrication system to stop the block rotting.


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#128 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 02:49 PM

It's been a busy weekend, here at Fraud Towers.

 

Following a week of the usual "£100 WIL COM 2NITE M8" Scumtree messages, I finally received an articulate message by a chap who seemed genuine. We arranged to meet and he turned up as promised, spent a couple of minutes checking the car, made me a reasonable offer and drove it away.

 

ByeCento.jpg

 

I'll miss the little car, but selling it has freed up (both directly and indirectly) a fair bit of £££ that I can use to buy another car on the rest of the fleet.

 

Speaking of which... Does anyone remember the minty blue Polo that I had bought for Mrs.F last year ? Here's an archive picture, to refresh your memory :

 

MintyPolo.jpg

 

Well, she's had it for 13 months now and has added 20K miles to the odometer and a few battle scars to the bodywork. It's been completely reliable, so today I treated it to a "big" service, with oil, gear oil, filters and spark plugs. The cambelt is good for another 40K miles, so I will hopefully not need to touch it until 2019. I didn't take any pictures of the work, as it was an exact repetition of the work I had done to the Loopoo last month and I don't want to bore you.

 

In ScAAB news, the irritating pull to the left has returned with a vengeance, and the front left tyre is back to 0.9 bar of pressure. I had a closer look and realised that there's a significant leak from the tyre valve, despite no obvious damage to it.

 

In addition, all four tyres are ancient (the newest has a 2005 date code !) and have various areas of sidewall and tread damage. They are, admittedly, up to MoT standard, but I wouldn't trust them for regular use.

 

The short-term solution was to inflate the leaky tyre up to 4 bar (don't try this at home, kids, I'm a trained* professional* !), which appears to have re-seated the valve and stopped the leak. The longer-term solution will involve spending 66% of the car's market value on a new set of tyres, unless I can find a decent set of part worns locally.

 

Bloody old cars... I should* have listened to my work colleagues and bought a 1-series on tick.

 


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#129 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 05:13 PM

You did the right* thing. Honest*


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#130 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 18 February 2017 - 08:27 PM

Work on the ScAAB continues...

 

The GM900 is notorious for its poor gearchange, and SAAB forums are full of topics where owners report being unable to select various gears. SAAB were aware of this problem, and completely re-designed the linkage just before the car was re-launched as the 9-3 in 1997.

 

Now, I don't mind crap gearchanges, having owned a large number of French and Italian cars in the past. My worst car in that regard (and in many others, it has to be said) was a 1980 Autobianchi A112.

 

It was a brilliant car for first dates : in 4th gear there was so much play in the linkage that you could fondle the entire length of your female passenger's thigh with your hand never moving off the gear lever. "Oh, so sorry, I was just trying to put it into 3rd !"

 

But those days are gone and I no longer am on the sex offenders' register, so today I decided to sort the ScAABs gearchange out !

 

 

Swedish* engineering* meant that access to the linkage was easy* :

 

Where.jpg

 

Removing the thing required blood, sweat, tears and a fair bit of profanity, but I eventually managed :

 

Linkage.jpg

 

Inspection showed minimal wear, so I gave it a good clean, re-installed it and adjusted it as recommended by SAAB.

 

Lever.jpg

 

I then took it for a test drive, and found it much improved, though 5th was still a bit awkward to engage. The reason became apparent when I had another look underneath the gaiter (as you can see above) : an incompetent moron (other than myself !) had been there before and had decided to remove the reverse lockout tab that also acts as the 5th gear selection guide. Great work !

 

Not a difficult part to replace, but it costs £25 which is a bit rich for a flimsy bit of plastic. I'll see if I can make do without it. I give myself a couple of weeks (and a dozen missed gearchanges) before I bite the bullet and pay.

 

On a more positive note, a recent trip to deepest, darkest Wiltshire yielded an affordable solution to my deflating tyre troubles :

 

Rimz.jpg

 

Very smart, very smart indeed !


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#131 OFFLINE   billyboy406v6

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Posted 19 February 2017 - 06:36 AM

Top spannering on the Scaab, now get the rest the fleet running now ?


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#132 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 19 February 2017 - 12:21 PM

Well, only* 40% of the fleet is currently broken. So there isn't* too* much work to do, really.



#133 OFFLINE   Lord Sterling

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Posted 19 February 2017 - 01:00 PM

Great stuff Sigz, I've enjoyed reading this thread for mkst of the morning. I think now it's time for me to do stuff. But I have enjoyed reading this, looking forward to more updates.
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#134 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 11:11 AM

With the Seicento sold, and the fleet back down to a manageable size, it was only a matter of time before another car was bought.

 

I had wanted to get back behind the wheel of a Leyland product for quite some time, and when Mr.Tamworthbay (of this parish) announced that his lovely Dolomite was for sale, I simply couldn't resist.

 

So yesterday morning, I paid £80 for the benefit of using our state-of-the-art railway system...

 

Basingstoke.jpg

 

...and three hours later I arrived at the historic town of Tamworth, in Staffordshire.

 

Tamworth.jpg

 

The above picture was chosen for its architectural disharmony, but the town is actually lovely. I spent a pleasant couple of hours roaming around, and even got to visit the Tamworth Castle, which is highly recommended.

 

Mr.Tamworthbay then kindly collected me from the town centre and took me to the secret* location where the car was parked.

 

In the finest Autoshite tradition, tea was sipped and cars talked about for quite some time, before the sale was completed and I attempted to set off. The car, however, seemed to have different plans.

 

An impromptu tinkering session followed, whereby the stuck-on rear drums were freed and the carburettor adjusted. A brief drive to the local petrol station confirmed that everything was in order and allowed the customary fill-up picture to be taken :

 

PetrolTime.jpg

 

It was then time to drive the thing back to Hampshire. Most of the journey was along dual carriageways : M42, then M40, then A34. The torrential rain and strong winds made progress fairly slow :

 

Blur.jpg

 

The final part of the journey took me through the lovely, twisty roads of the North Wessex Downs which provided an opportunity to get a better feel of the car. Suffice to say, it's no performance machine due to its tendency to understeer and the hideous brakes. But it's great fun, in a way that moderns simply can't manage !

 

I eventually reached Fraud Towers with a grin on my face. Mission accomplished !

 

Home.jpg


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#135 OFFLINE   Noel Tidybeard

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 06:06 PM

you need to get that rear number plate fixed though


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#136 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 07:15 PM

you need to get that rear number plate fixed though

 

Incognito, innit ?



#137 OFFLINE   Noel Tidybeard

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 08:21 PM

ahh Q division cant afford Astons any more ;-)


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#138 OFFLINE   Tamworthbay

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 08:25 PM

I love the idea of James Bond in a 1300 Dolomite!

#139 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 10:54 PM

Well, any attempt to make an emergency stop is sure to leave you very shaken, but not stirred.


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#140 OFFLINE   Heritage motor centre

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Posted 26 February 2017 - 11:11 PM

Glad to see the REO speedwagon has gone to another shiter. Im off to browse your 214 ad again...


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#141 OFFLINE   castros_bro

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Posted 20 March 2017 - 03:12 PM

Disappointingly I find few references to your chod fixation but a vast amount about your infatuation with erotic Viennese cream cakes in your newly available archive and only one hint of Renault vegetables in a single foot note. 

 

 

https://www.loc.gov/...his-collection/


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#142 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 20 March 2017 - 08:15 PM

Disappointingly I find few references to your chod fixation but a vast amount about your infatuation with erotic Viennese cream cakes in your newly available archive and only one hint of Renault vegetables in a single foot note. 

 

 

https://www.loc.gov/...his-collection/

 

Ah, but it's all allegory, you see...

 

The famous "Little Hans" case was in reality about replacing the layshaft bearings in a VW 085 box, on Christmas eve 1998, in a multi-storey car park in Essen, using nothing but a 30 euro Praktiker ratchet kit, after having drank far too much Gewürztraminer.


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#143 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 20 March 2017 - 09:10 PM

So here's the latest update from Fraud Garages...

 

The Doloshite purchase meant that one of my other cars needed to go, due to my self-imposed fleet size limit of five cars.

 

A normal person would have tried to sell one of the two obsolete pieces of Dutch shite that have been festering in the workshop for several months. But I am not a normal person, so I elected to sell the nicest and most reliable of my cars, my Rover R8, which found a caring new home within a matter of days.

 

With the Loopoo and the ScAAB performing their duties with exceptional reliability, I was able to spend some time on my delightful* classic* Triumph.

 

My first task was to get the thing running properly, because it was drinking more than Ollie Reed and smoking more than Bob Marley :

 

DollySmoke.jpg

 

Thankfully, Leyland was kind enough to put the tuning specs on a handy underbonnet sticker. That's what I call a quality* automobile !

 

SpecialTuning.jpg

 

So I did a bit of this...

 

MehrLicht.jpg

 

...and a bit of that...

 

SU.jpg

 

...and ended up having to dismantle, clean and rebuild the carb and linkages before the thing would run as BL intended.

 

I then turned my attention to the electrics. The first problem was the temperature gauge, which was not working. I started with the obvious, a new sender, but that didn't make any difference.

 

TempSender.jpg

 

So I took my multimeter out and started checking things in more detail. I was shocked to find that the high-tech voltage regulator that Clive had put together was borked, providing a constant 4v to the instruments (instead of the required 10v). ALL MODERN REGULATORZ R SHIT.

 

So the crappy little transistor went in the bin, and was replaced by this Junkman-approved, pre-1986 item :

 

Regulator.jpg

 

Free from any unsuitable, modern components, ye olde Lucas smoke-filled electric system was happy again...

 

Smiths.jpg

 

...with the exception of the front offside indicator, which wasn't working.

 

BulbHolder.JPG

 

What began as a five minute job ended up taking a whole hour, as whoever had last worked on the front light wiring had little regard for safety and a fetish for twisted wires and red electric tape.

 

I eventually got everything working, and went for a much-deserved drive around the local test track business park...

 

DoloNight.jpg

 

...which reminded me why I bother with hopeless, ancient shitters : because they're so much fun !


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#144 OFFLINE   Tamworthbay

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Posted 20 March 2017 - 09:17 PM

Oddly I think that was the only indicator that HADN'T given earthing problems in its time with me! I guess it was only a matter of time..........
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#145 OFFLINE   PiperCub

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Posted 20 March 2017 - 11:17 PM

Dr.Fraud's former Rover R8 (the gold 3-door 214) is now homed with myself. Now in the role of my new daily as the 406 went on it's final trip to Valhalla (OK, Charlie Trent's in Poole) this morning. 

 

Happy to report - all sorted with a parts spend of only £25 - a bit of a record for me, for once an old car that'd been actually looked after. Cheers 


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#146 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 08:44 PM

As you have seen elsewhere on the forum, I spent most of last Saturday perving on ancient BL tin at the British Motor Museum.

 

Driving the Doloshite there would have been most appropriate, but it's a long drive and I was knackered after a long week at work, so I opted for the most comfortable car in the fleet :

 

SAABGaydon.jpg

 

On Sunday, I felt guilty for having neglected the Doloshite, so I decided I should spend some time on it. I started with some long-overdue maintenance jobs, like topping up the differential and pumping plenty of grease in the three grease nipples that can be found on the car.

 

DoloDiff.jpg

 

I then took it for a very long drive, stopping a few times along the way to fine-tune the carb.

 

Tuning.jpg

 

Then it was back to the workshop, where I spent some time awakening one of the longer-term workshop residents from its slumber...

 

ItsAlive.jpg

 

It's alive, it's alive !

 

The final job of the weekend was mundane but necessary : removing the winter tyres from the Loopoo and replacing them with a nearly* new pair of Nexen Classe Derniere that I had lying around. The tyres actually belonged to Mrs.F, but she refused to use them due to their age and general shiteness...

 

ClasseDerniere.jpg

 

Only the finest* for my daily car !

 


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#147 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 02:53 PM

It's been three years since I moved into my current workshop, and it was beginning to look like Edmund Trebus' place thanks to my habit of never throwing anything away.

 

So, earlier this month, I bit the bullet and started a massive clearout that took two whole weekends ! The workshop now looks lovely, and I will hopefully no longer need to spend half an hour looking for my imperial spanners when I need them.

 

I've also unearthed plenty of spares for cars that I haven't owned in many years... Those will be up for sale in the coming weeks, and will hopefully generate some much-needed cash.

 

I haven't done much work on my cars, but I did need to sort this out for Mrs.F :

 

Farty.jpg

 

Only* lasted 17 years and 60K miles... German* rubbish !

 

I normally avoid doing exhausts, but Mrs.F needed the car for a long, work-related trip the following day so I couldn't avoid it. The GSF website showed that their local branch had a premium* replacement in stock, and I turned up expecting a Bosal. Unfortunately, they now stock those A2A ones that I had never heard of. It fitted OK, though, and looks decently made. Time will tell how long it lasts.

 

Silent.jpg

 

After many years of wanting one, I've also gotten round to buying a decent vice. I wanted a Record, but they're nearly £100 new and around £50 used, which is slightly* over my budget. Luckily, one of my ebay searches identified one locally - it looked scruffy and dusty and there was no mention of the brand in the description - I was therefore able to get it for £15.

 

I collected it, brought it back to the workshop, took it apart and gave it a good clean :

 

Vice1.jpg

 

There were 3-4 layers of paint on it, but most of it came off after a quick wipe over with some thinners, revealing the lovely factory blue paint. I was initially planning to re-paint it, but loved the patina, so I just greased and re-assembled it. Here it is, ready for use :

 

Vice2.jpg


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#148 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 04:54 PM

Nice^



#149 OFFLINE   purplebargeken

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 04:59 PM

So, what's happening to the estate?



#150 OFFLINE   Sigmund Fraud

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Posted 17 April 2017 - 08:50 PM

So, what's happening to the estate?

 

Current plan is to get it MoT'd and see if I can persuade someone to give me some money and drive it away !






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