Hey teacher, leave those shites alone!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

In 1978, Mr Peacock had a brush painted A35, Mr Carruthers a pale blue Minor Traveller, Jones the Head a Brooklands green Princess and Miss Big Tits Down a red 120Y. Miss Brown had a tawny bronze 1973 Escort and she was lovely.

In 1980, Mr Wadley had a Datsun 180B estate, Mrs Hewitt (Chewit) a pale yellow Golf, Mr McGrady a Morris 1000 and Saunders the Head, a Gold Renault 20TX. Miss Lewis had a Chevette saloon, a car that suited her personality well. Mrs Clarke (Clanker) had an orange Capri II 2.0GL.

In 1984, Mr Good (goody two shoes) the Head has an Imp and Mr Brydenbook (handbag) a Cortina Mark 3 1300 4 door on an M plate. Mr Gardner had a Scimitar, Mr Howe (Snail) a Lada 1200 Estate and Miss Butler a yellow 1978 120A Cherry. Mr Mucklejohn (teapot) had a 928, a Metro and a 500SEL with some ghastly AMG/ Lorinser type ‘improvements’.

[quicksilver]

My memories from secondary school are on page 3 (written in 2015!) but the thread revival has got me thinking about middle school (1993-98).

My first teacher there confused everyone as she was Miss Hayward at induction day but got married over the holidays and became Mrs Zdyrko, which of course 7-year olds found impossible to spell. Anyway, her hubby apparently had quite a collection of cars and she'd often turn up in something different. I remember a Renault Savanna, a white XR3i cabrio and a rusty Datsun Urvan camper.

 

Others I remember:
Mrs Templeman: green Escort (L284 JBF - why the hell can I remember that when I can't remember what I had for breakfast this morning?)

Miss Monkman: blue Mini City, later traded in for a new Polo IIRC. Her partner had a Mini Cooper.

Mr Collins: Orion (not sure what mark it's called but it was the same generation as Mrs T's Escort)

Mr Marlow (caretaker): Skoda Felicia

Mr Treen (head): grey Volvo 440

Mrs Hawkin (deputy head - all the kids called her Mrs Hawkins and she gave up correcting them): Vauxhall Nova

Mrs Mayhew (not a teacher, some sort of teaching assistant I think): Peugeot 505 estate

Mrs McNiece (bursar): red Cavalier convertible (she lived opposite the school so she didn't drive it to work)

 

Edit: my mind might be playing tricks on me (this was 25 years ago after all). Now I don't think it was Mrs Zdyrko who had the Savanna and Urvan but another teacher who covered while she was on maternity leave. The XR3 definitely belonged to Mr Zdyrko though and I don't think he'd let her drive it in the rain.

[michael t]

May have popped this into the thread earlier but as I only finished school 6 years ago the only memory I have of shite teacher motors are..

 

(England) Mrs. Jones with her G-reg Mk4 Civic, I remember actively questioning her about it and she seemed to love it (I was only 11)

 

(Ireland) Mr. Devin had a late 90s Megane van, looked like a farmyard inside, covered in muck, dust and hay.

[Talbot]

Just a few from secondary school, which was 1988-92 for me.

 

One of the deputy heads had a tatty old early 70s mini which was about as reliable as the current government. It was regularly seen being push started by about a dozen 4th and 5th years by pushing it along the service road that we had on school. At least one pupil wouldn't be ready for the bump each time and ended up flat on their arse.

 

Art teacher had a povvo spec Panda which the handbrake never worked on, so it often ended up at the wrong end of the car park, sometimes by itself, sometimes with help.

Geography teacher had a new Carlton 3000 estate which looked the absolute bollocks and I got a lift home in once. Also got a lift home in the Technology teacher's Orion Ghia once too, and was very impressed with the fuel computer. Would never be allowed these days. (the lift, not the fuel computer..)

 

Other highlights were the rather horsey (both in interest and looks) english teacher who had a S3 SWB landrover, and the utter twat of an english teacher who I had, who had an utterly fucked Morris Ital in baby-shit brown. I think a lot of my hatred for Marinas and Itals comes from association with that berk.

 

Most of the other vehicles were random 80's tat which was unremarkable at the time, but would almost all be appreciating in value if still around now.

[ProgRocker]

One of the deputy heads had a tatty old early 70s mini which was about as reliable as the current government. It was regularly seen being push started by about a dozen 4th and 5th years by pushing it along the service road that we had on school. At least one pupil wouldn't be ready for the bump each time and ended up flat on their arse.

 

Art teacher had a povvo spec Panda which the handbrake never worked on, so it often ended up at the wrong end of the car park, sometimes by itself, sometimes with help.

Geography teacher had a new Carlton 3000 estate which looked the absolute bollocks and I got a lift home in once. Also got a lift home in the Technology teacher's Orion Ghia once too, and was very impressed with the fuel computer. Would never be allowed these days. (the lift, not the fuel computer..)

 

[Lord Sterling]

More teachers and vehicles cone flooding back...

 

Around '99 I was back in Belgium. I began attending some form of college, but it weird set up we were treated like school children rather than as young adults like in the UK. The original building was a big U-shaped building but we only occupied 25% of the building, the rest was a completely different and posher school but under the same name.

 

The mechnics/electrics section was us, we had our own section, entrance but were completely locked away from the other, bigger and nicer section. I'd never ventured into that section more than the reception.

 

The headmaster of our part of the college was a very quiet and slight man (think Mr Burns from Simpsons) his office looked as if it had preserved from the 1960s, everything was clean and functional, no modern technology. He seemed to have very little to do with the real day to day running of the college and even less with the kids. He rarely ever spoke to us.

 

He drove a very early Citroen Xsara in some light blue colour if I remember rightly, always parked right outside his office window which was incidently right next to the main gates (which we often climbed over to get out if we wanted to skip classes) I think he had some sort of older Peugeot before that, possibly a 309.

 

Another French teacher, Monsieur Gerard (1 of 3 Monsieur Gerards in the college) drive a Mk3 Honda Accord in Black with Black leather. He obviously wasn't high enough in the hierarchy to able to park by the college so parked in the street as did many other teachers. There were only about 6 or 7 spaces outside the college for teachers and staff, possibly allocated by position.

 

One of the older lads from the woodwork section drove a 89/90 Corolla Hatchback.

 

We were actually given a lift to the metro station (underground tube, not stations for Austin Metros) by a teacher, I can't even remember what car he had, he might have had a Volvo 440.

 

Back in England, a tutor at a college I attended used to own a very tidy Audi 90. One of my classmates first car was an early Mk2 Rover 820i I had to wait a few more years before I saw myself behind the wheel of a Rover 800

[bolognasal spray]

Maths teacher - first ever Maestro on the road, or one of at any rate

 

PE teacher - first ever XR3i

 

Metal work teacher - red Honda CB400N

 

French teacher had one of these:

 

[HMC]

1991-96 contd

I did help to push start Mr Briggs’ 1983 austin maestro and in so doing earned a ‘credit’

Mrs furlong (pe) had an odd fleet, alternating between a 1982 Renault 5 mk1 “Le car” and a late 80s red r107 SL.

One of the dinner ladies had a 1979 mk1 cavalier and another an Austin ambassador.

[HMC]

Our playing fields used to often end up with joy ridden cars dumped on them. Mainly MG metros, and mk2 XR2s. On one occasion a mk2 Escort was dumped in a near by shallow river and I waded out, sat in it under the stoved in roof and pretended to be in a rothmans rally Escort.

[Felly Magic]

Form tutor, green Mini 1000 with an egg decal on the roof that he parked in the school hedgerow one morning, he was a hippie and I am sure that happened whilst on the 'herb'

 

CDT (woodwork/metalwork) teacher, silver Metro mk2, he was rarely sober

 

Maths teacher, Talbot Alpine Minx

 

Science teacher BMW 320i E30

 

PE teacher Peugeot 405

 

Art teacher Pug 304 cabrio, that looks suspiciously like the one James May drove on Top Gear

 

Home ec teacher, mk4 Escort XR3i cabrio in white, 

 

English teacher, Audi 100 mk1, then Volvo 264GLE

 

RE teacher, Maestro 1.6L

 

Social Studdies teacher, PUCH pedal & pop!

 

The school car park was full of weapons grade shite, the minibus the school won in a nationwide contest, a D reg 15 seat Transit with waht looked like every option fitted including an overdrive box.

 

We also had as part of social ed, a Mk2 Escort and Mini 850 that we were taught car maintainence on, we were also allowed to drive em on school property

[Fabergé Greggs]

My English teacher drove a Messerschmitt bubble car that we overtook every day in the school bus. This was in ‘97.

 

I can’t remember what my mates mum taught, but we got so drunk one day that we spray painted “the beast” on the back of her Maestro. My mum had to come and pick me up as it was deemed inappropriate to take the bus home. It just so happened that we followed “the beast” most of the way... it didn’t half tickle me

[iainrcz]

One of our teachers drove a blue Quantum kitcar, and another drove a green and white 2cv.

 

Sent from my VFD 710 using Tapatalk

[pshome]

Three of my german teachers drove R16's, two of them in that bright green.I still flinch when I see a green R16.

[bolognasal spray]

It should be leave "them" shites alone, not those.

[Noel Tidybeard]

after going to a heritage open day at the school some moar legends

• mr & mrs thacker- morris 1000 GPO van
• mr wright - toyoyo corrosion used to get paint added regular to cover new damage!

[2cvspecial]

On 9/23/2015 at 10:14 AM, dollywobbler said:

drove a red and white 2CV Dolly. Pretty sure that had no affect on me though...

it must because EllY

[ProgRocker]

The headteacher of my 1st school had a Toyota Cressida! (circa 1983) Or maybe a Corona?  I don't quite know how I worked that one out as the name on the boot was in italics and my acquired basic car knowledge at the time didn't extend to 1970s Japanese ones. Other than it began with "C". Perhaps I asked my mum, dad or one of my sisters what the "squiggly writing" on the back of the 'coke bottle' Toyota read. It was replaced by a Volvo 343 by the mid 80s.

[Macscrooge]

The only one I clearly remember from primary school is Mr Robertson’s dark blue Renault 16. 
Secondary school:

Mr Low, green Granada 3000GXL, then bizarrely a met blue Allegro 1500

Mr Hird, Humber Sceptre

Mr Quinn, orange Volvo 66

 Mr Ballard, maroon Daf 66;

Mr Aitken, red Dolomite 1850HL;

Mr Martin,  yellow Escort mk2 1.1L estate then red Escort 1.3L then red Cortina 1.3L;

Mrs Gossip, Spitfire mk4;

Mme Pharamond, white LHD Mini with exotic Paris number plates;

Mr Andrews, harvest gold Maxi;

Mrs Robertson, red Mk3 Cortina 2000E;

Mr Nichol, orangey-red Avenger 1600;

Dr Nicholas, red Golf Mk1;

Miss Russell, red Renault 5TL, then another ((GTL?) in gold

Miss Lucas, turquoise Fiat 126

Mrs Annan(?), blue Renault 4

Others included  a red Lancia Beta Coupe, pale met blue Volvo 345, Merc 190, rusty pale blue Cortina Mk3, blue Mini 1275GT, Chrysler Horizon, black Dolomite 1500LE, blue Fiesta 950, red Citroen GSA, orange Mk2 Escort, another white Mini, blue Volvo 245, white Fiat 128 and a load of other shite. 
 

Edited with colours 5/12/20

[CaptainBoom]

Secondary school 1993 - 1999, and we had a broad spectrum of tat on display in the school car park:

• English Teacher - Mr German, had a plastic bumper MGB which he moved on to get a Daimler Sovereign.
• Miss Parrott - a Silver Renault 5 (later transverse engine model) which caught fire one afternoon, much to her consternation.  Written off sadly and repalced with something instantly forgettable.
• English - Mr Illingworth - Rover P6 in baby shit beige, with dark red interior. a really nice car, got a lift home in it once.  Sadly it spectuarly shat itself on a local roundabout, he got hit from behind and 'the chassis stopped moving, but the body kept going' (his words).  Replaced with a burgundy Renault 21 which he kept losing in supermarket car parks as it was 'the same as all the other wanky biscuit tins' (his words again).
• Maths - Ms Lambert - An early model SAAB 900 in charcoal grey, not the sort of car you would expect a quietly spoken 5ft tall middle-aged lady to drive.  I got a lift home in that one too, I think that's where my love of SAABs came from.  She drove fast as well,  I remember the boost gauge twitching like a rabbits aresehole.
• Mr Rowe - Maths - Cream coloured Cavalier with front doors in red and brown.  Rumour has it he got the woodwork teachers to help him source and fit them, and they fucked him over by deliberately getting alternating coloured ones. 
• Mr (Fred) West - French - MK2 Golf Driver in Silver
• Mr Maltman - Art - White Volvo 740 Estate, had a fridge freezer living in it for a few months, some sort of art installation wank....
• A brace of older Honda Civics, a couple of Ladas and Renault Clios
• Headmaster had a Citroen XM
• Various mopeds and motorbikes, a few teachers walked as well.  I did wonder how the teachers who took two wheels ever marked our books.  Then I realised, they NEVER marked our work!

We also had an array of dumped joy-ridden cars on the field, the site was accessible out of school hours if you knew where to go (which did make me wonder just who the joy-riders were if that knew that gem)  it was common to find Novas, Metros, Escorts, Fiestas up there at different times, some burnt-out, some not. 

Lots of others, but nothing easy to recall - or very memorable.  School minibuses were two white LDV Pilots with full length roofracks, sadly one pupil tried to hang himself from one of them.

[GrumpiusMaximus]

The only car I distinctly remember was Mr Burton's (physics and tyrannical Rugby coach - who was banned from actually playing because he'd bitten somebody's ear off in a scrum and later appeared as a contestant on EggHeads).  He drove a doom blue early Mk2 Sierra Estate in a base configuration.  The main reason I remember the car is because walking to Biology one afternoon, I walked straight into the nearside wing with a spectacular 'clonk'.  Hurt like Hell...

Thinking about it @dozeydustman may remember it and the other shite there too...

[Tamworthbay]

Mr Moore had a white XR3i, he came over the brow of a hill a bit too quick and wiped out a milk float. Sadly mobile phones and cameras didn’t exist then.

[Markeh]

I was at school throughout the 2000s so there's limited opportunities for chod in my school time, but:
Primary school - I once was given a ride in a teaching assistant's black high-spec P-reg Corolla, owned it from new I believe, apparently scrapped in 2017. Head used to have a silver Vectra B, changed it for a Mk1 Focus. A teaching assistant I hated had a Nova SR. Caretaker had a Kangoo, Year 6 teacher had a Mk4 Golf. Remember another TA rocking up with his brand new bright blue Daihatsu Sirion in around 2004.

Secondary - One of the senior management had a very late (C reg) bright red Renault 4 and I think an early 2000s Camry and a teaching assistant had an R8 Rover I ended up using as part of my Photography GCSE, got replaced with a Fiesta. Headmistress I think had a white Mazda 3. Business studies teacher had a lovely but well worn E39 Touring that she ended up replacing with a hideous B-Class. Maths teacher had a Celica that we all thought screamed mid-life crisis.

[morrisoxide]

My high school had some cool odd ball cars in the car park.

Q Plate Dutton Sierra in faded red.

LHD Fiat 126 Maluch in F off green.

Mk3 Ford Cortina really high spec, metalic green with a black vinyl roof.

Minor 1000.

A few 80/90s Minis

1990s Celica gt4 with pop up head lights. This was owned by the head of P.E. He could hardly fit inside it, he was quite vast.

This was in 2005/6.

 

 

[Spiny Norman]

Quite an eclectic selection in our high school car park from what I remember.
A ratty old S1 Daimler Sovereign owned by an equally ratty physics teacher sat among things like the head of the maths department's Lancia Beta Spyder, a French teacher's Peugeot 504 estate, another languages teacher's very early original shape Lada 1200 and the headmaster's Reliant Kitten!

[Richard_FM]

Ones I can remember from my secondary school 1989-94:

Y reg Ford Sierra base with grey grille.

C reg Ford Granada estate, so quite a late one.

Saab 99 with an exhaust that looked like it was going to fall off.

X reg Datsun Violet.

Rover P4.

Jersey registered Citroen Visa soft top.

[Fumbler]

Only old car at my old school's carpark was Mr. Miran's (the BEST Computer Science teacher EVAH!) Micra Vibe. Same year as mine and both of us enjoyed having the oldest cars on the carpark. Shame it was condemned to the bridge last year. Some heritage pictures show assorted Princesses and ADO16s. Later pictures show French chod and Maestros etc.

The oldest car there is from 2005 so there's not much that's interesting to look at anymore.

[Alusilber]

One I particularly remember was a maths teacher's Mini Clubman estate in Sandglow or something similar. He gave a few of us a lift to some inter-scholastic maths competition in it. He was quite a tall chap, so there was about an inch and a half of leg room behind the driver's seat. Guess which seat I got..

There was also a metalwork teacher with a limited edition black-and-silver Astra D which looked quite smart.

 

[bunglebus]

Only car I remember from junior school was dinner lady Mrs. Stopps Anglia, 9500 EV, which she sold to a trucker named Eric Vick - reg lives on one of his lorries now.

Senior school saw a few more sticking in my mind.

 Form teacher/art Mrs Hall had a blue MK4 XR3I cabrio

CDT Mr Mullins had a BRG Midget

Can't recall the name but her husband apparently worked for Ford and she turned up in a pre-production MK3 Fiesta with no badges anywhere except on the steering wheel. Ford head office was local so it made sense.

Slightly nuts French teacher Madamme Yu broke the trend and drove a Suzuki SJ410

Chemistry teacher (Gerry) McAdam drove a shit orange Ital that we mocked mercilessly 

Never found out who owned the Clemantine orange 1200 Beetle that was always in the car park

School mini bus was a dark blue MK2 Transit that rarely moved and I never went in

Only other vehicle of note was a fellow pupil who got dropped off in a white Minor with black wings, while I was ferried about in a 66 Super Minx and then a 1500HL Dolomite - all of which were fairly old even at the time

[dozeydustman]

6 hours ago, GrumpiusMaximus said:

The only car I distinctly remember was Mr Burton's (physics and tyrannical Rugby coach - who was banned from actually playing because he'd bitten somebody's ear off in a scrum and later appeared as a contestant on EggHeads).  He drove a doom blue early Mk2 Estate in a base configuration.  The main reason I remember the car is because walking to Biology one afternoon, I walked straight into the nearside wing with a spectacular 'clonk'.  Hurt like Hell...

Thinking about it @dozeydustman may remember it and the other shite there too...

I thought Billy Burton’s mk2 ‘scrote estate was red, but we are talking nearly 30 years back now! Mrs Morrice had an Austin 1300mk3 which was immaculate but she was a stand in maths teacher for a couple of years for maternity cover. Mr Byrom had a black midget 1500

Primary school had a great lineup of shite

Mrs Bishop - breadvan polo
Mrs White - 104
Mrs Duhig - Marina with the number plate UGH...W which my dad said was apt for the car
Mrs Lambton - Skoda Estelle in roadcone orange B41TKP?
Mrs Simmonds the secretary - blue Dolomite
Mrs O’halleran - pea green square headlamp 2CV

[dozeydustman]

Gravesend Grammar School for boys

Billy Burton’s Mk2 ‘scrote
mr Byrom (woodwork) midget 1500
miss Reynolds (IT) MR2 mk1 (she was also very very attractive and was in many a student’s spank bank)
Brian “Bart” Simpson (deputy head) Talbot Solara Rapier
Mrs Morrice - Austin 1300
Mr Boutelle (woodwork) Rover Metro GTi
Mr “No Tool” O’Toole (metalwork) - N reg Citroen AX ‘Debut’ mingebag runout model.
Mrs “Pauline Fowler” Brotheston - another AX debut (M-reg)
Mr “Postman Pat” Maulkin - mk2 granada 2.8 in a low spec as it had a manual. May have been a 2.3.
Mr “Dudley Moore” Cochrane had a number of cars, mainly based on front engined Porsches - 924, 924S, 944, 928 plus a Dolly Sprint and a 2.5PI saloon.

While I was there most of it was 80s and 90s motoring dullness - Fwd escorts, astras, cavaliers and the like