Shagged XJS - GOT THE MOVES LIKE JAGUAR. NOW with inept attempts to start after one year on its bum

[Guest Breadvan72]

He then proceeds to almost hit E hanger due to torque on take off & flies over the remains of F hanger that was pulled down for the same reason. Why do I remember that exactly when I've not read The Big Show in years?

 

 

Just had a thought BV, are you jumping it via the battery? I'm pretty sure my XJ40 had jump start terminals under the bonnet so you get less current loss to the engine.

 

 

Your memory is correct!  Have you read the 2004 edition that added back bits cut from the earlier version?

 

The Tempest and the Sea Fury were, it seems, at the very limit of controllability on the ground, and represented the end of the line for single engined propeller fighters.  Any more swing and the thing would be uncontrollable on the runway.   How the hell the female ATA pilots soloed Wellingtons and Stirlings (four props all going in the same direction) is beyond me.  With a full bomb load, the Flight Engineer had to lean on the controls at the same time as the pilot did, to keep the crate from going sideways.

 

Thanks for the jumpy tip.  I will check this.  Handbook is mega rubbish and assumes that you would never have something as Council as a flat battery.

[Guest Breadvan72]

I'm in lewknor atm, I could come and point at it with you? Or see if the xantia can provide more voltage?

 

 

Thanks for the kind offer, but I have to take my daughter back to school now, so will be off in the modern green Jag (sort of) and leave the old green (sort of) Jag (actual) to sit on its butt a bit longer.

[Guest Hooli]

Your memory is correct!  Have you read the 2004 edition that added back bits cut from the earlier version?

 

The Tempest and the Sea Fury were, it seems, at the very limit of controllability on the ground, and represented the end of the line for single engined propeller fighters.  Any more swing and the thing would be uncontrollable on the runway.   How the hell the female ATA pilots soloed Wellingtons and Stirlings (four props all going in the same direction) is beyond me.  With a full bomb load, the Flight Engineer had to lean on the controls at the same time as the pilot did, to keep the crate from going sideways.

 

Thanks for the jumpy tip.  I will check this.  Handbook is mega rubbish and assumes that you would never have something as Council as a flat battery.

 

No I've only got the early version. I think my copy is about 1960, but it's packed away somewhere so I can't check.

[Guest Breadvan72]

I have an old copy, but picked up the revised version a while back.  It's not that different to the original, IIRC, but has a few more pics.  Clostermann got into trouble with some UKIP types for pointing out that the Argentinian pilots in the Falklands War were brave, which they were.  Also, some medal anoraks falsely claimed that he wore a DSO that he hadn't been awarded (he got the DFC twice), because they confused his Legion d'Honneur ribbon with a DSO ribbon.  For my money, his memoirs are the best of the crop of pilot autobiogs from WW2, only rivalled by Welland's "First Light". 

[Guest Breadvan72]

PS:  I am beshaggered after three hours of M40-M25-M11 and back again, so CBA to try jumping the Jag in the dark now.  I may give it a go in daylight tomorrow.

[Guest Breadvan72]

My car does not appear to have a positive jumping post in the engine bay, but I will look again.

 

Note this from the Jaguarcrush website:

 

Caution: Do not run the donor vehicle’s engine when boost starting a Jaguar vehicle. If the donor vehicle’s engine is running and the jump leads are disconnected, damage to the Jaguar vehicle’s electrical system will result.

 

 

The Jaguar Workshop book (factory, not HBOL)  just calls for normal jumping procedure using the positive on the battery in the boot and connecting the negative lead to something Earthy away from the battery

[the judge]

Is it turning BV? Used to have a customer years ago who left his idle a couple of months at a time. Every time he came back, it flooded on first attempt and had to have plugs taken out and cleaned. That was a 3.2 xj6 on an L reg I think

[Guest Breadvan72]

I can check that sort of stuff tomorrow.  Today I have blokeflu, so junker cars can get GTFO.

 

After a year of arse sittage, there is every chance of water in the fuel, mice/badgers in the air filters, space aliens, and in any event the heap has medieval era HT leads, dizzy etc.

[Longblackcoat]

My car does not appear to have a positive jumping post in the engine bay, but I will look again.

 

Note this from the Jaguarcrush website:

 

Caution:Do not run the donor vehicle’s engine when boost starting a Jaguar vehicle. If the donor vehicle’s engine is running and the jump leads are disconnected, damage to the Jaguar vehicle’s electrical system will result.

 

 

The Jaguar Workshop book (factory, not HBOL) just calls for normal jumping procedure using the positive on the battery in the boot and connecting the negative lead to something Earthy away from the battery

So really all you need is a car with a nice new BFO battery to connect jumpy leads to and guzzle juice from, right?

 

GL and I are available tomorrow if that helps. Or I could just laugh at the non-startage sitch.

[Six-cylinder]

So really all you need is a car with a nice new BFO battery to connect jumpy leads to and guzzle juice from, right?

 

GL and I are available tomorrow if that helps. Or I could just laugh at the non-startage sitch.

I am NOT available tomorrow as I have the Auto electrician coming round to fix the last Jaguar Breadvan sold me!

[Guest Breadvan72]

That Jaguar is a Daimler, and, as you know from the Alfa, I never include the electricity when selling you a car.  Standard Harry the Bastard terms and conditions.

 

LBC, thanks mucho, but if I am over the geezerflu tomorrow, and CBA, I can apply the truck starter booster box if I go and fetch the Dolomite (which has the enormobox in its boot). Meanwhile the Jag battery is on an old fashioned charger, but I don't yet know if the battery is knacked.  NB the possibility of space badgers in the engine is quite real.  

 

This is all a bit pointless anyway, as I am way off having the money to do the bodywork and paint, so even if the heap runs, it ain't going anywhere for ages.

[Six-cylinder]

That Jaguar is a Daimler, and, as you know from the Alfa, I never include the electricity when selling you a car.  Standard Harry the Bastard terms and conditions.

Only Joking, but I do really have the Auto electrician coming round tomorrow to make the wipers work on the Sovereign S1.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Brave bloke!

[Longblackcoat]

The possibility of space badgers in the engine is quite real.

 

Otters, mate. Definitely otters.

[Guest Breadvan72]

The engine on this thing really is filthier than a shop girl from Thurrock.  I suppose that I ought to do stuff like clean all the clag off the leads, distributor and shiz, and check the plugs and so forth, but I doubt that I shall, because bone idle and useless.

 

I have to take my wife's 206 CC for an MoT that I am expecting it to fail in view of last year's advisories (ignored), but maybe when I get back from doing that I will try to awaken the otters.

[Guest Breadvan72]

... I do really have the Auto electrician coming round tomorrow to make the wipers work on the Sovereign S1.

 

 

 

The solution to having non-functioning wipers is to drive faster.   I found this to be true on an Autostrada near Milan, in a Mediterranean downpour.  Scary, but I made it to the hotel for a larger than usual Negroni.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Jumping a car with a duff battery will sap a lot of energy, even if you've only got a good battery with half the cranking amps to spare, you'd be better to put that on the xj and then jump it with something else.

 

How thick are the jump leads?

 

Almost as thick as me.  I am trying to work up enthusiasm to go and poke the car again, but right now am getting high readings on the CBA-ometer.

[beko1987]

The solution to having non-functioning wipers is to drive faster.   I found this to be true on an Autostrada near Milan, in a Mediterranean downpour.  Scary, but I made it to the hotel for a larger than usual Negroni.

The fix for non functioning wipers is glass polish then glass sealent! The water fucks off on its own above 30mph! Sadly once the wipers start working again they remove most of that in a short while. Screenwash too. It's why I never really bother with it, apart from the side windows

[Junkman]

The fix for non functioning wipers is wiping the windscreen with the cut surface of a halved apple.

 

EFA

[Guest Hooli]

 

it was a potato when I heard of it.

[Junkman]

Potatoes work just as well.

[Guest Breadvan72]

If you have spare potatoes you could make cheap-ass vodka and fuel the car/make rubbish Martinis with it, so win-win.

[Longblackcoat]

Bollocks.

 

What you need for a Martini is:

• Lots of ice
• Martini glasses (that you've left in the freezer for an hour or so)
• Vermouth
• A cocktail shaker
• Garnish - either lemon peel or olives. Anything else is utterly impermissible and marks you out as the worst sort of bounder.
• Gin. That's ALL that's allowed - not brandy, sausages, or anything involving raspberries - GIN is all that you should be using. And don't give me any wise-ass stuff about James Bond and vodka - that's a perfectly acceptable drink, but it ain't a martini

Sell the potatoes to Gary Lineker and let him make crisps out of them, or just throw them away. If you really must make vodka, give it to people you don't like, preferably those who already have little-to-no eyesight.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Pay attention, Double Oh Seven.  I said RUBBISH Martinis.  No civilised person puts anything into a Martini other than gin and vermouth(NB vermouth in more than homeopathic quantities, otherwise it's just an expensive neat gin, and shut up, Winston Churchill).  You are correct also about olives and lemon peel, but have missed out the opportunity of having a Gibson (use a cocktail onion), which is acceptable, and within your rules because not called a Martini.

 

Bond knows nothing of drinking.  He likes Bourbon, FFS.  A Vesper is a terrible drink.  He does get points, however, for deciding that it's too early to have a proper drink when idling in Paris in mid afternoon waiting for someone to kill, so he has a Negroni.

[Guest Breadvan72]

Correct commentary on Bond's crappy cocktail from underrated Bond girl of underrated Bond -

[richardmorris]

There used to be a very good glass rain repellent called ombrello. Saw it at an auto show and Used it on my CXs. Didn't need the wipers at all over 30mph and it lasted years. Sadly they seemed to go bust years ago. Rain x is a poor substitute.

[richardmorris]

Oh and I had a meeting at Burlington house Piccadilly today, and walked past The Albany, and there was an XJS parked in the courtyard.

[Noel Tidybeard]

There used to be a very good glass rain repellent called ombrello. Saw it at an auto show and Used it on my CXs. Didn't need the wipers at all over 30mph and it lasted years. Sadly they seemed to go bust years ago. Rain x is a poor substitute.

 

wot this stuff

https://www.amazon.co.uk/OMBRELLO-GLASS-TREATMENT-APPLICATOR-9ml/dp/B005JDDD4S

[Guest Breadvan72]

Oh and I had a meeting at Burlington house Piccadilly today, and walked past The Albany, and there was an XJS parked abandoned in the courtyard.

 

 

FTFY.  You have to be a gentleman to have digs at the Albany, and no gentleman would have an XJS.  It's a car for rottahs, stinkahs, and boundahs.

[richardmorris]

FTFY.  You have to be a gentleman to have digs at the Albany, and no gentleman would have an XJS.  It's a car for rottahs, stinkahs, and boundahs.

Just visiting then. Nothing else of note there this time - last year I was passing there were a couple of Bentleys of 80s vintage.

I was nearly run over by the high commissioner of Papua New Guinea though. PNG 1 on a black Mercedes. Ignoring a red light.