Jump to content

Automotive bull5hit facts thread


Taff

Recommended Posts

Mercedes Benz don't put transmission oil dipsticks on their cars to make you go to the dealership to be fleeced for thousands when you want to check your oil level.

Point of order!

 

That's not bullshit, it's true.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If Paul Young leaves his hat in your vehicle, it automatically becomes his fixed abode. This also applies to buses and trams, not to mention coffee shops.

 

As a result Paul Young owns a significant number of cars in the UK and new HPI checks review if a car has been stolen, crashed, has outstanding HP or is owned by Paul Young.

 

Sadly because so many millions of people have heard the song and not challenged it, it is now English Law. A song by Guns and Roses entitled “there is no statute in law to claim ownership over property through mere hat installation” would have been enough to overturn the rule but delays to the Chinese Democracy album meant that the song was released three weeks after a deadline.

 

So if you return to your car to find a hat on it, and Paul Young standing nearby with a grin on his face there is fuck all you can do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Hooli

On LHD cara the accelerator and clutch as the opposite way round.

 

This used to be true* for motorbikes too.

 

 

*for a given value of true

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If Paul Young leaves his hat in your vehicle, it automatically becomes his fixed abode. This also applies to buses and trams, not to mention coffee shops.

 

 

 

 

And as soon as his back is turned it will then be burgled by celebrity chef Gino D'Acampo

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Paul Young cannot take your car if it is French registered. Having already stated via the medium of multi platinum album “No parlez” he has no understanding of the French language therefore any claims over recently imported Renault 14’s are null and void. Or some shit like like that.

 

In other musical car interfaces, the original line of “Raspberry Beret” was written by Prince after a visit to Tesco Metro in Ruthin, North Wales. He had been round a mates house to help him move a Piano when they fancied a Pot Noodle.

 

Prince nipped out in his hire Fiesta to find no spaces were available because a BMW has taken up two spaces. While tutting a local girl in a red hat came out to the car, flicked him a V and drove off. And that was the inspiration for the opening line of that song.

 

Prince had Chicken and Mushroom and his mate Steve had Beef and Tomato. Well they were about the only flavours around back then.

 

See - totally historically accurate in every way. And you can’t prove this didn’t happen!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've known people who are convinced the gears swap too, so 1st is on the right.

Our 1936 Guy ambulance has this arrangement, known as a 'Chinese  gearbox' as it shares this layout with all Chinese cars. In fact Longbridge's sole function now is to change round the gears on MG3s to make them acceptable to the UK market.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On LHD cara the accelerator and clutch as the opposite way round.

 

You already posted that, back in 2015 :-D

 

 

Left hand drive cars have the pedals the other way round.

 

The original Golf GTI was designed by Bob Hoskins during a row with Bob Carolgees on a cross channel ferry about Russian Tractors. He drew it upside down initially, then by some fate he posted it to Volkswagen, who ended up paying him something like £14.60 for the rights to build it. He went on to have a bit part in a few films here and there.

 

Its also a fact they made a factory Ford Granada RS, by welding together two Kent engines, side by side in the engine bay with a Four Wheel Drive system designed by Keith Chegwin. It was capable of 0-60 in 6.9 seconds and was recorded at an indicated 143mph on the A38 just outside Taunton by a the band who went on to be known as Texas. Then a mate of mines dad had it and swapped it for 16 lengths of tongue and groove and a Russell Hobbs Iron.

 

Fact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The visibility of a vehicle to other road users is inversely proportional to it's size, manoeuvrability and when travelling on a single track road how for it is back to the last passing point.

Lorry builders are aware of this hence the inclusion of sleeper cabs for the unfortunate driver to have a bit of sleep whilst the Fiat 500 driver eventually realises it will be easier for them to reverse 30 feet into a passing space rather than the 40t Artic reverse 2 miles down a mountain round several hairpin bends.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The prototype of the rotary engined maxi was deemed so far ahead of it's time that it was buried in a time capsule with instructions for it to be unearthed when the world was ready for 100mpg and instant performance. Sadly upon the demise of the parent group the instructions were lost and the land sold for development. It is believed this one of a kind vehicle now lies under a 3 bed semi.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Cabriolet gets it names from "cabree" meaning Cargo and "lait" for Milk.

Farmers used to take their cows from the field to the milking sheds one at a time in the family car. They realised by cutting the roof off they could get up to six cows in at once, stacked on top of each other, making the milking sessions much shorter.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Cabriolet gets it names from "cabree" meaning Cargo and "lait" for Milk.

Farmers used to take their cows from the field to the milking sheds one at a time in the family car. They realised by cutting the roof off they could get up to six cows in at once, stacked on top of each other, making the milking sessions much shorter.

I thought it was a bastardised form of Cadbury-lay, where fat birds in Birmingham would shag you for a chocolate bar, but you needed a car without a roof to fit their lardy arses in.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Talking of chocolate: Bourneville in Birmingham, is home of Cadbury World, set up by Quaker,  Joseph Roundtree, 

Joseph Lucas (who would preach to his staff from halfway up the stairs at his home Hilver in Mosley, - later a management study centre for Lucas Industries PLC, where even managers were expected to share a room if they stayed on a residential course) was also a Quaker. too. 

It's no conincidence that both Were called Joseph because they were cousins.  What is not certain is why their other business empire building Cousin was Called Herbert Austin which is not at all a biblical name.  Some History books may suggest his name was Morris WOLSELEY and that he was in fact a Australian sheep shearing machine repair technician, but no. He was from Northfield and later died of a chocolate induced heart attack in his Garden in his house in the Lickey Hills.  His Cousins - the 2 Josephs failed to go to his Funeral because one was in the middle of an Oats Crisis, which stopped production of his world famous Breakfast for some months, due to an electrical failure of the 12V lighting system in his factory, and the other was too busy faking his own death from Typhoid in Naples.  After his death he changed his name to Marcel Môme and founded SAGEM (Société d’Applications Générales de l’Électricité et de la Mécanique, translated as "Company of General Applications of Electricity and Mechanics") where he designed the electronics for the Espace and Laguna.  Unfortunately it was later found that whilst Chocolate is a good insulator at room temperature, it actually is as clever as a Chocolate tea pot, and explains the unexplainable faults on a French KanBus system. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The Austin Allegro was going to originally have a steering wheel in the shape of a dodecahedron, but Harris Mann, with his acrylic hair got wind of this, and said it would be too uncomfortable to handle, a triangle was also proposed, but in the end they went for the square option. There are questions as to what they were smoking in their pipes in the BL R&D office during the 1970s, especially Harris' cheese fetish

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When the entire Talbot range was undergoing development work, it was clear that it would be a far superior to anything else that PSA would be offering, so it was decided to downgrade one very basic feature of all the cars, such that they would not overshadow the rest of the range. Which is why an intermittent wiper function was ommitted, and the same column stalks (without intermittent function) were used throughout the range.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 months later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...