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For Sale

Worse than the Astra, you're even worse than the Astra. FOCUS FOR SALE.

For Sale

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40 replies to this topic

#1 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 10:57 AM

New depths plummed (plumbed?) yet again...


(Year) 2000 Focus 2.0 Ghia (petrol)

It's horrible

MOT 6th August

It's horrible

Taxed end of July

It's horrible

131,000 miles.

It's horrible

Starts, runs, drives, stops.

It's horrible

Electric windows

It's horrible

Alloy wheels

It's horrible

Had two new tyres in May

It's horrible.

Right, that's the 'good' bits out of the way.

It's FUCKING horrible.
Was a farmer's car and looks like it.
Two tyres are a bit shit.
He says it smokes a bit 'sometimes.'
Cleanliness is on par with a herd of Fresians with the shits who reside in Jordan's knickers.
Windscreen cracked.

It looks, and is by default, absolutely fucking horrible.

Can you make use of it or some of the bits*? Can you beat the scrapyard? Are you fucking mental?

Please answer yes to at least one of those questions, but answer yes quickly.

Logbook is here, but so was the will to live about an hour ago and that's long since jumped ship.


£150 (firm) can take it from Chester, Cheshire. Pretty sure it's worth more if you remove cat, battery and alloys and weigh the rest in.

*I'm not stripping it for bits, you can do that yourself at your place.

** You will be.image.jpg
image.jpg

 

Oh, the stinging irony of the number plate

image.jpg

image.jpg

 

 

Buy it something please.

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"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#2 OFFLINE   beko1987

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 10:59 AM

Oof if I had the money that sounds like a project!

Sadly I don't so good luck with frag (glwf)
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#3 OFFLINE   greengartside

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 11:18 AM

WOW SUPA VALU! I would have been all over this like AUTO AIDS if I had the spare cash - a cliche I know but GLWTS Billy.


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#4 OFFLINE   chaseracer

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 12:29 PM

Stap me edgeways, that's GRIM.  Where do I sign?*


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#5 OFFLINE   Sloth in a bowl

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 12:59 PM

Despite it being horrible, Mk1 Focus means there will be a good drive under there somewhere.

Was shocked when I first drove a Focus how just 'right' everything could feel on a car at high speed.

 

If I drove a tidy one now I wouldn't be as impressed but it would still be good.


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#6 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 01:06 PM

Temp reprieve granted, but only because one scrapyard have offered more than another.


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"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#7 OFFLINE   sporty-shite

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 01:11 PM

To be fair, I don't think that's as bad as it looks. However, I'm not buying it unless someone wants to give me a load of money for one of the current chod-piles furnishing my drive.

 

GLWS M8.


 some potato headed fanny faced shitberg of a cunt in a silver hatchback

 

#8 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 01:18 PM

To be fair, I don't think that's as bad as it looks. However, I'm not buying it unless someone wants to give me a load of money for one of the current chod-piles furnishing my drive.

 

GLWS M8.

 

 

To be fair, it's probably worse.

 

 

Collect now, pay later scheme available to regular shiteists.


"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#9 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 02:16 PM

MeYXwwu.jpg

 

Nautilus to surface support vessel, Nautilus to surface support vessel, come in over.

 

We read you loud and clear Nautilus, go ahead, over.

 

Our gauges may be malfunctioning, but the readings say we have sunk to a new and hitherto unexperienced depths. It may be an all time low, over.

 

Roger Nautilus. Can you see anything down there, over.

 

Roger that surface support vessel. Theres something down here. It...... It looks like a car. Or maybe it WAS a car. It hard to look straight at it. I feel sick. I think its giving me The Bends, and eyeball cancer. I'm turning off the viewing lights then I'll surface. Are you recieving the vid-feed from the external cameras, over?

 

Roger Nautilus. We have a visual. Stay where you are. The decision has been made to nuke the area. E.T.A two minutes, over.

 

Its not that bad!! It must be worth a hundred and fifty pounds!! More if you take the CAT, wheels and battery off!!! OVER!

 

No!

 

Over!!

 

 

FtwzrDC.jpg


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#10 ONLINE   Jim Bell

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 02:17 PM

Good luck with the sail.


858735.png


#11 OFFLINE   Split_Pin

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 04:17 PM

That front indicator replacement is SCHAMAZEBALLS.
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#12 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 04:50 PM

The other front one is the same, only the offside one doesn't work. It's a horrible bastard of a car. 


"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#13 OFFLINE   AlabamaShrimp

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 05:38 PM

What's the chance of it passing it's test?

#14 OFFLINE   outlaw118

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 10:07 PM

To Mr A Shrimp.

 

Cavcraft pride themselves with the quality of stock they hold, just remember the Cavcraft Group motto.

 

"Want your money back? You can fuck off." :-D


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#15 OFFLINE   AlabamaShrimp

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 10:18 PM

Lol some dick bought a civic coupe off me years ago and drove it straight down to Kent. Rung next day to say the battery was broken, he got a similar answer :-)

Only asking as it's test short and I've a apparently go a picky wife how would moan the arse off me if I went and bought some heap that needed a ton of work.

#16 OFFLINE   Tetleysmooth

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Posted 26 July 2014 - 11:56 PM

In all fairness, they do drive really nice.

It is is fucking horrible though.

Top marks Billy.
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#17 ONLINE   twosmoke300

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Posted 27 July 2014 - 05:57 AM

Old foci are just terrible. Brake pipes , hoses , rust , suspension bushes , rear bearings , rust etc etc .

But for scrap money wcpgw.
  • Cavcraft likes this

One of the funniest things ive read on here - RIP Dave

 

Quote

 

Brilliant... late in for lunch I fired up an off-brand pot noodle and while carrying it to the lounge successfully spilled it all over myself, burned the piss out of my hand, soaked my phone with the juice, soaked a load of expense receipts I was also carrying and it hit the hall floor and just fucking exploded....it was literally dripping from the ceiling in my newly decorated hallway. The obvious and considered reaction was to throw an immediate, massive paddy and boot the fucker down the hall while screaming, which has made the whole scenario about 18 times worse.


#18 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 27 July 2014 - 07:04 AM

What's the chance of it passing it's test?

 

I'll say slim because I honestly don't know. It definitely needs two tyres and several thousand pounds worth of jet washing, then there's the fact it's smoking a bit, so the previous owner said.

 

I've pitched it at a touch over scrap money on the basis that if it does need too much work for the test, you could pull the battery, cat and alloys, weigh the rest in and sit square on the money front.


"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#19 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 27 July 2014 - 03:42 PM

I started this today and it smokes like a Benson & Hedges beagle on Bank Holiday bonanza bonus overtime. I'll run it to the scrappy tomorrow.


"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#20 OFFLINE   greengartside

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Posted 27 July 2014 - 04:41 PM

Sad news, if the engine is borked then there's not much point in the rest of it.

 

R.I.P W509 UAV.

 

March 2000 - July 2014.

 

Lest we Forget....

 

funeral_zps18d02c79.jpg


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2006 Vauxhall Astra 1.9 CDTi SRi XP - Rocket Machine.

 

'George Michael looking lovingly at a giant glass arse plug'  

 


#21 ONLINE   HH-R

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Posted 27 July 2014 - 06:08 PM

It's a shame, as it's worth buying for those MEGALOL indicators alone!



#22 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 08:47 AM

image.jpg
"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#23 OFFLINE   Partridge

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 09:10 AM

YOU BASTARD THIS PLACE ISN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE I DESPAIR FOR THE FUTURE OF THIS WORLD!! ITS ONLY WHEN ALL THE SHIT FOCUSES ARE GONE WILL PEOPLE LIKE YOU SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU BASTARD!!


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Perpetually disillusioned with life, but never old Peugeots.  


 


#24 OFFLINE   Doctormop

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 10:01 AM

Looking at those interior pics the scrapyard might be closed for the rest of the week while they have their crusher fumigated.


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We live; but we never bloody learn!

#25 OFFLINE   Partridge

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 04:48 PM

Maybe the crusher will resign and lobby for Crusher's Rights.


Perpetually disillusioned with life, but never old Peugeots.  


 


#26 OFFLINE   greengartside

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 06:51 PM

14 years - not a bad innings for a modern daily car. R.I.P.


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#27 OFFLINE   Partridge

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 07:42 PM

13 years is the mathematical average. So good going Focus, may you live a long and happy life as a can of beans or a microwave.


Perpetually disillusioned with life, but never old Peugeots.  


 


#28 OFFLINE   Conrad D. Conelrad

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 08:10 PM

So good going Focus, may you live a long and happy life as a can of beans

 

heinz2.png


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#29 OFFLINE   Cavcraft

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 08:17 PM

Autoshite artist of the year 11/10 TYVM.

Now can you do an artist's impression of an Barry Shitpeas buying my Fiesta? It'd have to be one of those stood by the front passing cash with grinning faces. Maybe Barry has thought bubbles coming from his head with a picture of him driving down the sea front at Sunderland and I have a thought bubble with a picture of a topless Emma Bunton leaning out of the drivers window of a Mk3 Astra 1.4LS 3 door smiling.
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"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

#30 OFFLINE   Partridge

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Posted 28 July 2014 - 08:24 PM

Autoshite artist of the year 11/10 TYVM.

Now can you do an artist's impression of an Barry Shitpeas buying my Fiesta? It'd have to be one of those stood by the front passing cash with grinning faces. Maybe Barry has thought bubbles coming from his head with a picture of him driving down the sea front at Sunderland and I have a thought bubble with a picture of a topless Emma Bunton leaning out of the drivers window of a Mk3 Astra 1.4LS 3 door smiling.

Can I have a go too?


Perpetually disillusioned with life, but never old Peugeots.  


 






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