Reg Nutsack's TOP TEN 2-LITRE BEATERS - NEW BEATER CHIN SCRATCHING

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Alright pap pickers

 

I am going through one of these phases that often places a strain on my marriage to the normally-patient madam_ba11sacK whereby my shite-buying body clock informs me that I have not bought a car for a long time and that I must remedy it immediately. This means I have to sit on the computer permanently scanning for shite instead of going to bed, cooking, eating, breathing etc. I have decided that I need to buy a car that, when I come out of the office at 6pm absolutely drained of all life force, does not inflict a final kidney punch when i walk across the carpark to it and contemplate sitting in it for an hour while I drive home. At the moment, the Doble, ace vehicle that it is, sadly inflicts such a punch with its upright driving position, lack of speed and shitty 'builder spec' 2-speaker radio.

 

The budget is about £300ish and I envisage the successful candidate being able to achieve getting on for 40mpg on a steady longish run which means that a semi-modern 2-litre petrol is where I am looking. This section of the market throws up all sorts of XTREME SHITE where you seem to be able to buy something pretty nice actually if you dont mind a bit of fettling. OK I might be a little optimistic on the 40mpg but you never know. Don't want a Vectra or a Mondeo BTW.

 

Straight in at number one: NISSAN PRIMERA

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1999-NISSAN-PRIMERA-SE-PLUS-TAX-DEC-2013-MOT-RUN-OUT-/221261380000

 

Example pictured: Sold for £240

 

These things looks like the dullest old bilge you can possibly imagine, but are actually a pretty sharp drive. I remember driving n M-reg one a lot when it was new and as a driving experience it literally got its wang out and pissed all over the Rover 820, 214, Ford Galaxy and other company crocks my employer had available. I remember looking at a picture of its 'multi-link suspension' on the front and the complexity of the rubber bushes that went into it and did not realise at the time how much more thoroughly engineered the thing was than its european rivals. I reckon sitting in one of these for 2 hours a day would be no hardship at all and they are PISS CHEAP no doubt due to the absolutely rubbish styling.

 

in second place: ROVER 600

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1995-ROVER-620-I-GREY-/271251770730

 

Example pictured: £300

 

These seem to be nowhere on anyone's radar which is a shame as to my eyes they are a great looker, the rear 3/4 view especially and the turbo one with its slightly wider wheels and lower suspension looks absolutely spot-on. The 'cooking' ones as pictured look a little anaemic admittedly. Some of them have absolutely beautiful-looking interiors too although I have a feeling the quality of the fittings and that inside is probably dire when you actually touch them. Most seem to be a Honda 2.0 sohc engine of about 115bhp and I suspect are a tad dull to drive but the magic 4-0 seems achievable to me. I bet a 623 with the 150bhp 2.3 engine is a lovely steer, specially if you can find a super-rare manual box one (you won't be able to)

 

clinging ont a bronze: DAEWOO LEGANZA

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1999-DAEWOO-LEGANZA-SX-AUTO-BLUE-/281132372280

 

Pictured example: £210

 

Lets be honest these look shit. The interior particularly with its grey plastic which looks exactly what you would expect a 'cheap posh car from Korea' to look like maybe. I can imagine these selling quite well back in the day in somewhere like Russia where you might actually look like you're doing alright if you drive one of these and not a knackered old Lada, but in europe they just look like something brought in to fill up space in an import quota and then sold at a massive discount to people who have no idea generally. HAVING SAID THAT they seem to have the GM 2.0 16v Ecotec which although not the stuff of legend is a decent enough engine and i'm sure they are reasonably reliable and above all they have BLUE CHIP SHITE status in that when you tell folk what you drive they will look at you with a mixture of amazement and pity.

 

4th place: CHRYSLER NEON

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2000-CHRYSLER-NEON-LX-Gold-2-0i-16v-Petrol-Air-Con-Full-Leather-/181224534504

 

Pictured example: £300 BIN

 

I suspect you have to be fairly careful buying these as most are autos and i believe the gearboxes in them are as fragile as anything Renault have come up with in the last 20 years. No doubt fixing the box will cost a fortune even if you fathom out how to do it yourself. However I have seen a couple of manual-bxed 'R/T' ('sporty' version) ones with 150bhp fail to muster £400 so one of those could be a goer. They mainly have shiny silver grey interiors which are seriously awful but again the shite credentials are top-notch and I have noticed most ebay ads say 'very smooth' which i can believe, I have a feeling the yanks do know how to make a car a smooth drive as I imagine most american drivers need all the help they can get to drive smoothly while at the same time eating a sack of twinkies, drinking a 2l cup of coke and discharging/reloading weapons etc

 

OK I said top ten, thats only four but its 3 in the morning so I'd better come back to this later

[Micrashed]

Well, so far I would go with the Neon having driven one. They are surprisingly pleasant.

HOWEVER - you need to be an oil baron to consider running one on a daily basis, they are thirstier than a diabetic with an HbA1c of 150.

[twosmoke300]

saab 9-3 2.0 t. These are seriously cheap now

[Cavcraft]

_{We're all different but Chrysler and Daewoo are going to be shit and lead to a WORLD OF PAIN.}

 

_{The Nissans are really reliable, fairly dull and quite nippy. I'm told their Achille's heel is the gearbox (specifically 5th gear) but I had three or four and never had any trouble with them. The GT model is quite fast too and worth a try if you find one for sale.}

_{Bargains wise out of that lot I reckon you'd find a Rover 600 best of the lot as they are smack bang in the middle of 'deeply unloved' territory right now.}

_{I reckon they're a nice looking, really stylish car and most seem really well spec'd too. Can't see you struggling to find one in your budget and I bet you'd end up really liking it.}

 

[twosmoke300]

cav is right , rover 600's are a a real bargain and mainly honda design so WCPGW etc etc the diesels are good too

[beko1987]

Shame its £600

 

http://www.carandclassic.co.uk/car/C408765

 

[Cavcraft]

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Rover-620-2-0i-16v-auto-1997-5MY-GSi-black-grey-leather-trim-/181222084740?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item2a31ad9084

 

£395 in Kidderyorkminster. It's got a differently abled gearbox but looks a bloody nice place to be. Also it's black, so you can pretend it was a special order job as a relative of yours was head of looking out of the window and pretending bad things weren't happening at BL.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yeah i've clocked that, it looks GR9

[Cavcraft]

Or this one where you can literally LOL ON ARRIVAL with the 'personalised' number plate.

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Rover-600-620-SLi-PART-EX-TO-CLEAR-PETROL-AUTOMATIC-1999-V-/111167227730?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item19e2154752

 

Helpfully* the vendor description of the condition of the car runs to the square root of f*ck all. It's not all bad though because 'All Finance Applications Accepted'.

Just how far up Shit Street you'd have to be to purchase this car on the never never is probably impossible to imagine.

[Cavcraft]

BOOM!

 

 

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201309208874861/sort/default/usedcars/model/600/make/rover/onesearchad/used/onesearchad/nearlynew/postcode/ch23ru/radius/1500/page/1/quicksearch/true?logcode=p

 

NOT VEG OIL CHERRY 85MPG SHERPA SALOON 

 

 

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201309268975359/sort/default/usedcars/model/600/make/rover/onesearchad/used/onesearchad/nearlynew/postcode/ch23ru/radius/1500/page/1/quicksearch/true?logcode=p

 

( /\ Over budget but you could always lie to yourself about saving money due to MPG)

 

CAR OF THE WEEK

 

 

'4 Door Saloon, Petrol, Manual. Leather interior, electric windows and mirrors, sun roof, powered drivers seat, air conditioning, cruise control, central locking, CD/radio, spare wheel, 5 months MOT. Runs well, needs some minor body attention, but good family car. Priced for Quick sale, £225 ONO'

 

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/classified/advert/201309198859184/sort/default/usedcars/model/600/make/rover/onesearchad/used/onesearchad/nearlynew/postcode/ch23ru/radius/1500/page/1/quicksearch/true?logcode=p

 

Either 68 or 108 miles from you. Probably.

 

£225, and the money saved could be used to repair the park by feel bodywork.

 

*I can't upload pictures from Autotrader as AS won't let me. Dave kills kittens, OMG he's ruined Autoshite, etc.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Wow thats a 623 manual!!!!! 

[bub2006]

I would say the 600 too. I had a base 618 i on a s plate. Comfy and quiet. Mine tended to wobble in bends though. Even the 600ti is available for peanuts considering the power and getting another manufactures equivalent. I think a standard turbo is a real sleeper

[Wilko220]

Probably not conducive to getting 40mpg though!

[cms206]

2.0 Cavalier. What about a 405/406? They should be pretty reasonable and cheap enough if you don't specify the desirable 20p handbrake option.

[Volksy]

Would staying with Fiat be an option?

 

 

Only £395

[cort16]

I recon the Nissan Primula is a good call as they seem almost completely worthless so you can get alot for the money. I seem to remember the Primera in your picture has a slightly improved interior over the previous one, which has all the glamour of a Korean prisoner of war camp toilet facilities. The older ones do rot in the sill and inner arches (the back of the inner arch is a right rot trap).

I like the look of the 600's but having previously forked out 5 grand for one about 10 years ago and found it to be a hopeless POS I'm mentally scarred for life by them. I've got a mate with a 2.0 auto with cream leather inside and it looks nice in there. I think he paid £350 for his.

 

I recon you could score a Kia Vagentis for your budget, which looks like it's been designed by an 8 year old with a set square. This makes it appealling in my eyes

[trigger]

Those 623 GSi's are good motors, they are quick, smooth and pretty well equipped for their time, just watch for crusty wheel arches.

[overrun]

As for them owld Primera's, beware (well, note) that the P10 variety has independent rear suspension, with the P11 and that very* interesting** P11-144 pictured both being lumbered with a rear beam.

 

All of them have the top- bollocks front jobber, though.

If it makes a fun 'horsey' type sound when majestically sailing over bumps, the smart money (mine anarl) is on the front top links being fudged.

 

Top ride 4 da coin

[overrun]

I always wanted a Mazda Xedos 9. Get one of them.

[Lankytim]

Get a diesel xantia. Be like me and feel a little snug inside.

[Barry Cade]

These are ace- I had a V6 one and it was surprisingly excellent.

 

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Hyundai-Sonata-2-0-auto-CD-AUTOMATIC-/121148261924?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item1c34ffc624

 

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Hyundai-1999-Treg-new-mot-4door-alloys-5speed-air-con-part-ex-swop-swap-Offers-/151127892452?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item232feca1e4

 

If you really like them you can be like Mr Remington and buy the company..

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/JOB-LOT-54-CARS-2006-07-08-09-Hyundai-Sonata-Automatic-LHD-with-A-C-/281171430373?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item41771f8be5

[overrun]

PREPARE TO WANT ONE

 

My mate is selling a 2001 Hyundai XG300 thing. Here endeth the search.

[Cavcraft]

Wild card:

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1991-MK1-ROVER-820-I-16V-BLUE-7-MONTHS-MOT-60K-MILES-2-OWNERS-/390667874824?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item5af59eb208

 

The Mk2 version of these have the second hand value of a white dog turd, but are actually quite pleasant to drive.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

That noise on the Primera front suspension used to be a constant source of stress for the company that I worked for that made the suspension bushes, they were always having japanese engineers hassling them about the ‘koto-koto’ noise but I don’t think they ever completely got to the bottom of it! They got a special grease developed by Molykote which helped a bit and I robbed a jam jar full of it which, can you believe, I have never touched since I brought it home

[Joey spud]

Years back i owned a small garage and we did a lot of bussiness with the local unipart/express factors and as a thankyou they loaned me a new 1997 sonata auto so two off us could set off early and drive up to a small airfield in oxford for a ride along in radio oxfords (fox fm?) traffic busting helicopter that back then unipart sponsored.

 

I can remember nothing about the car except the autobox was totally useless..

[phil_lihp]

If it were me...

 

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Honda-Accord-2-0i-Aerodeck-auto-1995-LS-/130999813425?pt=Automobiles_UK&hash=item1e80328531

 

These and the later versions should go on forever, the later ones have a 2.2i vtec available as well - 40mpg probably not an option though.

[DVee8]

How about a Mazda 6 or 626 a Shitroen C5

  I have had 2 Primera's a eGT and a GT with out any problems what so ever i would say keep away from the auto and semiauto's

[jonny69]

Mk1 2.0 Megane will do 40mpg no problem. Autoboxes were a problem after 100k miles and a string of other issues but, if it's made it this far, there won't be anythign left to go wrong. Our Scenic (same car dressed in a shopping trolley) soldiered on and the only reason I scrapped it was because no-one on here wanted it for scrap money. It was still hitting 42mpg on a run at 137k miles. You'd probably want to change the timing belt.

[Pete-M]

I get more than 40 on a run from my 2.0 Focus. Without trying.

[nacho man]

I would second the primera argument my mate had one for a couple of years it was a 2.0 ze or something like that it had 150 bhp and loved to rev, he had no mechanical sympathy at all ragged it every time from cold, till some of Sheffields finest robbed it any he never saw it again. True story.

 

 

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