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Autoshite lexicon


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#211 OFFLINE   Split_Pin

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Posted 25 January 2018 - 07:16 PM

I think 'Vanden Picnic tables' is also a real Autoshite specification level.
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#212 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 25 January 2018 - 10:03 PM

I think 'Vanden Picnic tables' is also a real Autoshite specification level.

 

Plah, esp. 'Vanden Picnic tables

The proper, top-of-the-class, retractable and veneered 'picnic tables' fitted to the rear of the front seating.  Typically seen with a separate champagne flute placement.  Taken from coachbuilder and interior fitter Vanden Plas, mispronounced by commoners as if French; when Mr W. Plas was in fact Flemish and therefore it would be Plas after all.  Not that it matters when smoking about on the school run with children in the rear flapping the tables back and forth in your £750 Daimler XJ40 with a howling wheel-bearing.

 

srcvITz.jpg


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#213 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 26 January 2018 - 12:01 AM

Damn.

 

The Baron has already entered it, missed that.  I failed, with apologies.

 

http://autoshite.com...-7#entry1402463


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#214 OFFLINE   Junkman

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Posted 26 January 2018 - 12:22 AM

But your definition is so much better!

 

I shall delete mine in lieu of your's.


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#215 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 28 January 2018 - 10:16 AM

Could anyone furnish this helpful guide with a definition explaining the difference between a Two Bucket Wrong 'Un and a Two Bucket Right 'Un?

 

All I can divulge is it's something to do with cleaning and detailing.

 

Neither of which I'm terribly familiar with.



#216 OFFLINE   320touring

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Posted 28 January 2018 - 11:26 AM

Could anyone furnish this helpful guide with a definition explaining the difference between a Two Bucket Wrong 'Un and a Two Bucket Right 'Un?

All I can divulge is it's something to do with cleaning and detailing.

Neither of which I'm terribly familiar with.

They are the same thing - just the opinion of the act that alters.

If you think 2 buckets (one for washing water, one for washmitt rinse) is an appropriate approach to detailing your car, then you're a 2 bucket right 'un.

If, however, you value your time driving a car rather than cleaning it, you could perceive the above noted activity to be carried out by a 2 bucket wrong 'un

;)
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#217 OFFLINE   MorrisItalSLX

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Posted 28 January 2018 - 11:34 AM

The Modern:

1. - The bland, non-descript new car you have for when you pride-and-joy in on axel stands in the garage because the radiator exploded on the M4, took out the steering rack and ended up in a hedge.

2. - The car you use when you nip down’ the scrapie to get a new radiator and steering rack for your pride-and-joy because you too skint for new parts as you are STILL paying of the modern YEARS after buying the bloody thing.
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#218 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 12:27 PM

Just because I don't think it's on here, and it took me a while to work out exactly what the acronym stood for:

 

OLLI (Abbrev. 'One Life, Live It' - also OLLI Warrior)

  1. An unnecessarily large, impractical and thirsty 4x4 vehicle, esp. a Land Rover or Toyota product, which will frequently be kitted out with the biggest, knobbliest tyres its owner can acquire; bull bars; winch; jerry cans; sidesteps; snorkel air intake; random bits of chequerplate pop-riveted all over the show; and often a sticker (amongst many) in the rear window/on the tailmount spare wheel cover, advising fellow road users that they have ONE LIFE, LIVE IT! Toyotas may also wear a variant of this slogan: "One life, don't spend it fixing Land Rovers!".
     
  2. A person whose entire identity is built around their large and impractical 4x4 vehicle. This person may or may not also have a passing interest in firearms and crossbows, make frequent mention of "going off-grid in Wales when the shit hits the fan, yeah?", favour earth tones and camouflage patterns for their casual wardrobe, and constantly carry a frayed Eastpak rucksack which they refer to as their "bug-out bag, yeah?", containing mostly off-brand energy drinks, squashed blocks of Kendal Mint Cake and copies of Survivalist magazine. Despite appearances, these people generally live in urban areas, often with their parents, and have amassed a sizeable library of books about the SAS from branches of The Works.

OLLI vehicles may be sighted in Tesco car park while their owner stocks up on Rustlers Quarter Pounders and Dairylea Lunchables in preparation for the coming meltdown of society, or more frequently, up on axle stands in an attempt to fix yet another oil leak. Less commonly, they also may be spotted in the wild - sometimes hilariously suffering from some species of catastrophic mechanical failure in the carpark of a country park amidst dogwalkers' Fiestas and i10s.

 

Toyota HiLux - Straid Reservoir Carpark 2.jpg

 

Popular culture references: BBC2's The Fast Show featured characters Simon Bush (Charlie Higson) and Lyndsay Mottram (Paul Whitehouse) as 'The Off-Roaders' - who, along with their Land Rover Ninety 'The Beast' and bellowed catchphrase of "It's gripped! It's sorted! LET'S OFF-ROAD!" followed by some form of disaster, are believed to have popularised the OLLI stereotype.

 

The Off-Roaders.jpg


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#219 OFFLINE   Jerzy Woking

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 01:23 PM

Stan Woods? Seen it mentioned a few times, but no idea what it means.
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#220 OFFLINE   sierraman

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 01:28 PM

You've just described a mate of mine there. He can't look after himself but he's kitted up for the apocalypse.

I've another 'Because... Vauxhall...' Sticker. Usually affixed to a 57 plate Astra bought on subprime finance in such a manner that it affects vision on one side of the screen. Frequently seen with other shit trinkets like those bright red seat covers and Ripspeed gear nob covers.
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#221 OFFLINE   adw1977

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 01:31 PM

Stan Woods? Seen it mentioned a few times, but no idea what it means.


Stan Woods memorial banger race. I think it's restricted to pre-1968 cars.
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#222 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 04:07 PM

Saturday 28th April 2018 15:30 Stoke STAN WOODS 2018
Stan Woods Classic National Bangers Celebration 2018

 

stan_the_man_woods_banger_racing.jpg

 

Startrax Stockcar Racing
170 cars in 2017. 2018 is looking huge! Oldest 1927, entries from across Europe 

 

 

AS roving reporter is commonly Baron Junkman


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#223 OFFLINE   Split_Pin

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 04:20 PM

Crikey DTSN_KOG that description made me laugh, your observational powers are spot on!
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#224 OFFLINE   Datsuncog

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 04:26 PM

^^^ Let's just say that, in a previous job, I've been fortunate* enough to observe more than just a few OLLI warriors from behind the parts desk... oh, and worked with one. So I can't really say that any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental... ;-)


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#225 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 14 March 2018 - 04:31 PM

TBH = To Be Honest.

IMHO = In My Humble Opinion.

IMHE = In My Humble Experience.

XU = a range of petrol engines by Peugeot.

XUD = a range of diesel engines by Peugeot.

CAV = Lucas CAV diesel pump range, known to be not quite as good for vegetable oil pumping as the Bosch equivalent



#226 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 28 March 2018 - 06:00 PM

[Alexg]

90-Day *colour* : A car finished in an undesirable shade or colour. '90 day' refers to the traditional length of time a dealer is looking at the thing on his forecourt.

 

Pea-roast

A re-posting of something already posted before.  A repeat post.

 



#227 OFFLINE   CreepingJesus

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Posted 28 March 2018 - 08:43 PM

Cunt Count, The: because there's fuck all swear filter on bastard Autoshite, we can say any shit we please. And because there's fuck all else to do between Xmas and New Year, JohnF (guid cunt) counts up the quantity of cunt expressed by board members (bunch o' wanks) in the previous twelve arsehole months. Anybody caught deliberately padding their cunt count (for instance, by entering it under 'Cunt Count, The: in the Lexicon) ought to be roundly pilloried. Cos they're an utter cunt.
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...as the actress said to the bishop.

 

Truck magazine scans!

 

Some short stories of mine...


#228 OFFLINE   John F

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Posted 28 March 2018 - 08:52 PM

lol... might as well add "stealth cunt" as well, then.


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Never knowingly under-ambitious

 

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#229 OFFLINE   BenHar

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Posted 28 March 2018 - 09:18 PM

Cunt Count, The: because there's fuck all swear filter on bastard Autoshite, we can say any shit we please. And because there's fuck all else to do between Xmas and New Year, JohnF (guid cunt) counts up the quantity of cunt expressed by board members (bunch o' wanks) in the previous twelve arsehole months. Anybody caught deliberately padding their cunt count (for instance, by entering it under 'Cunt Count, The: in the Lexicon) ought to be roundly pilloried. Cos they're an utter cunt.


I say, please refrain from swearing, there is a lady present.

Or, as they say round here, "watch yer language, there's cunt about".

Ben
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CHRIS1980, on 08 Jan 2016 - 8:37 PM, said:snapback.png

Your clearly thick....end of.


#230 OFFLINE   SierraMikeHotel

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Posted 30 March 2018 - 07:34 AM

Argos, or Argos catalogue?

Seen this a couple of times lately, can't even hazard a guess.

#231 OFFLINE   neil1971

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Posted 30 March 2018 - 08:12 AM

Think the Argos catalogue thing is where someone has messed you around etc, they're sent an Argos catalogue without any postage on it, so presumably then pay an excess postage charge only find they've received a worthless catalogue


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#232 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 09 May 2018 - 02:09 PM

Jewish Racing Gold - a metallic beige.

 

Just realised the acronym itself isn't actually in this thread

 

JRG = Jewish Racing Gold - a metallic beige.



#233 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 09 May 2018 - 03:50 PM

GLWTR

 

Good Luck With The Roffle.

 

Typically, a member's fine steed is surplus to requirements and available by roffling.  Change the O in that last word to letter A if not clear.  The PayPal Feds will get you if put the A in, you see.  They are watching.


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#234 OFFLINE   DodgeRover

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Posted 09 May 2018 - 05:04 PM

Just realised the acronym itself isn't actually in this thread

JRG = Jewish Racing Gold - a metallic beige.


Careful now...

#235 OFFLINE   flat4alfa

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Posted 09 May 2018 - 05:24 PM

Well, I've only ever used it in deference.  As was intended here.






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