Jump to content


Welcome to Autoshite

Welcome to Autoshite, like most online communities you must register to view or post in our community, but don't worry this is a simple free process that requires minimal information for you to signup. Be apart of Autoshite by signing in or creating an account.
  • Start new topics and reply to others
  • Subscribe to topics and forums to get automatic updates
  • Get your own profile and make new friends
  • Customize your experience here
Guest Message by DevFuse
 

Photo

Autoshite lexicon


  • Please log in to reply
234 replies to this topic

#31 OFFLINE   CreepingJesus

CreepingJesus

    Rank Bajin

  • Full Members
  • 3,711 posts
  • 12 thanks
  • LocationHere Be Dragonnes
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 05:44 PM

GR[integer] - originally from txt spk GR8 (great), a lower number may be inserted to infer not-so-greatness, a higher number for more greatness. Although, dependant on circumstance, a higher number may also infer less greatness. Irony/sarcasm filter may be required.

...as the actress said to the bishop.

 

Truck magazine scans!

 

Some short stories of mine...


#32 OFFLINE   CreepingJesus

CreepingJesus

    Rank Bajin

  • Full Members
  • 3,711 posts
  • 12 thanks
  • LocationHere Be Dragonnes
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 05:49 PM

Fannymould - manifold. Cheers AS, this slipped out early this morning, when describing why i was suffering from fume poisoning, and my truck's exhaust was making that characteristic ticking noise. To wit:
Me "Erm, exhaust fannymould gasket's gone. Can you fix it?"
Fitter "Eh?"

...as the actress said to the bishop.

 

Truck magazine scans!

 

Some short stories of mine...


#33 OFFLINE   outlaw118

outlaw118

    Rank: Renault 16

  • Full Members
  • 3,882 posts
  • 4 thanks
  • LocationKipping in a layby by the A128
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 07:25 PM

Use of the word "TEH" instead of "THE". I believe it originated from icanhazcheezeburger dot com or somesuch, and is how cats would speak if they could speak. Err....

Another example of which is "I CAN HAZ" instead of "i have". Not compulsory by any means, and found annoying in certain quarters.


2004 Alfa Romeo 156 JTD Sportwagon - Much Lovliness

1985 Ford Capri 2.0 - Baby - Sulking - Broken

2012 Vauxhall Combo 1.3 Dizzle - Workshite

2012 Kia Rio - Mills -o- matic SWMBO

2005 Ford Fiesta 1.25 zeeetekkyo Stepdaughtershite

2017 Ford Kuga  - Stepdaughterinlawshite - On Finance like a mug

2003 Ford Focus 1600 Ghia - Bargainous Stepson shite

 


#34 OFFLINE   Formula Autos

Formula Autos

    Rank: Bedford CF A-framing a Renault 6

  • Full Members
  • 1,338 posts
  • 2 thanks
  • Locationin the glow of Sellafield
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 07:48 PM

Bavarian Sierra is a 5 Series. It's more a Macdroitwich thing isn't it?

 

The way the 3 series has grown over the years, I now see it as Sierra sized, and the 5 series as a Bavarian Granada.

 

I probably am conflating Macdroitwich and Autoshite with this one as well, having lurked for years on both sites; which brings me to another Macdroitwich term:

 

CLASS - Any BMC/BMH/BL/ARG/Rover/MGRover product.

 

I also thought I'd throw in:

 

Yakuza Happy Death Express - Pete M's insane Galant estate.

 

And also:

 

Filth - A vehicle that seriously arouses any true shitist. Often used in contexts such as: "that Fuego is utter FILTH, young Sir!".


Hello to Jason Isaacs

Hello Buglers!


#35 OFFLINE   Albert Ross

Albert Ross

    DRINK!

  • Full Members
  • 4,482 posts
  • 1 thanks
  • LocationLincoln
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 07:48 PM

Monsieur Bolleaux - Mr. Bollox.

Also see Le Testicle.

 

Cheese eating, wine guzzling surrender monkeys - The French.

 

I would, but it's too far away (Insert lame repeated excuses here) - Time wasting cunt.

 

Oooof! - Has no equal in written state.

 

Etc.


Stormy Petrel on a stick!!

#36 OFFLINE   Formula Autos

Formula Autos

    Rank: Bedford CF A-framing a Renault 6

  • Full Members
  • 1,338 posts
  • 2 thanks
  • Locationin the glow of Sellafield
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 08:47 PM

Council Estate Spec - A vehicle of similar outward appearance to Onslow from Keeping Up Appearances' Cortina. A vehicle with a certain "couldn't give a shit" air about it, that suggests it started its journey from an domestic appliance strewn front garden. Giveaway signs can include mismatched panels and wheels and a multitude of battle scars. Smaller, non-essential components such as badging, side indicators, and passenger mirrors are often removed/missing - perhaps in accordance with Colin Champan's ethos of "adding lightness". A prime example of this spec is THAT Volvo estate which I believe in currently in cms206's possession. Such vehicles are often judged to be grim/EPIC/full of WIN.


  • Twiggy likes this

Hello to Jason Isaacs

Hello Buglers!


#37 OFFLINE   cms206

cms206

    SVENSK STIL

  • Full Members
  • 4,832 posts
  • 32 thanks
  • LocationVolvograd
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:05 PM

Council Estate Spec - A vehicle of similar outward appearance to Onslow from Keeping Up Appearances' Cortina. A vehicle with a certain "couldn't give a shit" air about it, that suggests it started its journey from an domestic appliance strewn front garden. Giveaway signs can include mismatched panels and wheels and a multitude of battle scars. Smaller, non-essential components such as badging, side indicators, and passenger mirrors are often removed/missing - perhaps in accordance with Colin Champan's ethos of "adding lightness". A prime example of this spec is THAT Volvo estate which I believe in currently in cms206's possession. Such vehicles are often judged to be grim/EPIC/full of WIN.

 

 

:grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin:

 

Hirst Cabs - Autoshite's approved 24hr mostly absent fully unlicensed minicab firm.

 

The Doctor - wizard who's touch instantly adds a squillion quid to the price of any over polished tat.


'87 Volvo 740 Turbo - GRASSY

'88 Volvo 740GLE - COUNCIL ESTATE INNIT

'96 Volvo 850 S 2.5-10v - ROTTEN

'99 Kia Pride 1.3SX - DECAYING

'01 Volvo S60 T5 SE - FAST AS RAZZ


#38 OFFLINE   Partridge

Partridge

    Rank: Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  • Full Members
  • 4,872 posts
  • 4 thanks
  • LocationNorthamptonshire (the posh bit)
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:09 PM

HGF should be “OMFGOMGHGF”. 


Dugong- "Yes. Crashing a Ghibli through a hotel room made of champagne whilst off your swede on forest argh would be great."

Mouseflakes- "Are these wafer-thin slices of an actual clown's face?"

WilsonWilson - "What is this? A Vtec for ants?"

1994 Citroen Xantia 2.0 SX

1994 Peugeot 405 STI Auto

1997 Peugeot 605 SVE

 


#39 OFFLINE   HillmanImp

HillmanImp

    Rank: Lancia Gamma

  • Full Members
  • 7,046 posts
  • 9 thanks
  • LocationBratfurd innit
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:11 PM

Council Estate Spec 

 

Have I missed owt of has nobody said pov spec yet? For those untrained, pov spec is not a car in which grumble film sleazebag Ben Dover uses to do Point Of View jazz films of average looking bints who have hit hard times, it is in fact a poverty spec car, such as a Popular Escort. Ironically, a lot of girls in the Ben Dover films were also popular Escorts.

 

A Poplar escort is a car with a tree growing out of it.  


  • Twiggy, DSdriver and Sloth in a bowl like this
1965 Singer Chamois
1972 Triumph GT6
1987 Citroen Visa 10e
1989 Toyota MR2
1998 Jaguar XJ8 Sport

#40 OFFLINE   Partridge

Partridge

    Rank: Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  • Full Members
  • 4,872 posts
  • 4 thanks
  • LocationNorthamptonshire (the posh bit)
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:16 PM

Council Estate Touring Car I think ought to be added. 

 

Any old BMW, Lexus or Merc, preferably on “GAZ” plates. 


Dugong- "Yes. Crashing a Ghibli through a hotel room made of champagne whilst off your swede on forest argh would be great."

Mouseflakes- "Are these wafer-thin slices of an actual clown's face?"

WilsonWilson - "What is this? A Vtec for ants?"

1994 Citroen Xantia 2.0 SX

1994 Peugeot 405 STI Auto

1997 Peugeot 605 SVE

 


#41 OFFLINE   Albert Ross

Albert Ross

    DRINK!

  • Full Members
  • 4,482 posts
  • 1 thanks
  • LocationLincoln
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:26 PM

eBay mongs- See: bumbers - 1st to see will buy - "Will you swap for Mondeo tonite M8" - "Whats yes bestest fer cash, wil cloect tnite" - When the advert plainly states "Has no tax and test, the engine is in the boot in a thousand pieces" yet they still ask if it will drive home to Ingatestone on a fiver.

 

See also "Mouth breather" and "Fucktard".

 

Jaywick - Autoshite Holiday destination of the year.


  • Twiggy and davehedgehog31 like this
Stormy Petrel on a stick!!

#42 OFFLINE   meggersdog

meggersdog

    Rank: Renault 16

  • Full Members
  • 2,498 posts
  • 3 thanks
  • LocationPeterborough

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:27 PM

Raymanboy...the nuttier than squirrel shit ebay legend everyone secrectly aspires to be.


  • Twiggy and Cavcraft like this

#43 OFFLINE   barefoot

barefoot

    Rank: Renault 16

  • Full Members
  • 3,368 posts
  • 10 thanks
  • Locationthe East Mid - Lands

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:32 PM

HGF - a mid engined late model MG


94110.png94111.png94112.png439963.png717308.png


#44 OFFLINE   Spiny Norman

Spiny Norman

    Rank: Renault 16

  • Full Members
  • 4,015 posts
  • 0 thanks
  • LocationCruising for burgers in daddy's new car
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:34 PM

And not forgetting The Doctor.

 

Another Ebay 'character' who specialises in buying already nice motors, valeting them to a whole new level and Photoshopping the fuck out the images so the cars look so good you want to eat them. Thus embiggened, these cars then fetch two to six times what a normal nice one would.


...and that's when I shot him, your Honour.


#45 OFFLINE   chaseracer

chaseracer

    Autoshite HR & Refereeing Solutions Ltd.

  • Staff
  • 11,301 posts
  • 47 thanks
  • Location127.0.0.1
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:40 PM

Jaywick - Autoshite Holiday destination of the year.

 

See also: "Rhyl".

 

If you dare...


  • Tadhg Tiogar likes this

2009 Cannondale Quick CX - too much like hard work
2003 Citroen Berlingo 2.0HDi - buggering on
1995 Peugeot 205 Inca 1.7D - several steps closer to a ticket...
1982 Citroen Dyane 6 - several steps further away...

AS Midland Massiv - in chod we rust...


#46 OFFLINE   chaseracer

chaseracer

    Autoshite HR & Refereeing Solutions Ltd.

  • Staff
  • 11,301 posts
  • 47 thanks
  • Location127.0.0.1
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 10 June 2013 - 09:44 PM

Wob/bog/pudding (geodialectical variants): filler; major structural component of 'chod'.


2009 Cannondale Quick CX - too much like hard work
2003 Citroen Berlingo 2.0HDi - buggering on
1995 Peugeot 205 Inca 1.7D - several steps closer to a ticket...
1982 Citroen Dyane 6 - several steps further away...

AS Midland Massiv - in chod we rust...


#47 OFFLINE   Junkman

Junkman

    Totally and properly Renault R16!

  • Full Members
  • 42,610 posts
  • 51 thanks
  • LocationStockport, England
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 10:52 AM

Audi - German supplier of quality tools, car accessories, and live essentials such as beer and carpet slippers.
Aldi - German maker of motorcars based in Ingolstadt.

1967 Renault 16 GL............................................now with floor and MoT

1979 Mobylette AV89............................................................running
1997 Peugeot 405 2.0 Executive Estate.................now with aircon and brakes


#48 OFFLINE   quicksilver

quicksilver

    Renault 6 rescuer

  • Full Members
  • 1,716 posts
  • 5 thanks
  • Locationthe universe of infinite turtles
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 11:06 AM

Purple Helmet: real name Purple Horse, a purveyor of interesting but comically overpriced chod on ebay who keeps adding to his stock but very rarely actually sells anything.


Always look on the Shite side of life

 

1999 Vauxhall Zafira - shit or shite?

1978 Austin Maxi - proper shite or proper classic?

1972 Renault 6 - genuine garage find

 

Rusty Old Rubbish - a shite blog about shite and stuff


#49 OFFLINE   John F

John F

    Rank: Schütze Arsch

  • Full Members
  • 6,832 posts
  • 32 thanks
  • LocationMidgard
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 11:24 AM

Or used sarcastically when anything is advertised by that dodgy looking foreign bird off "Goldies"(?).

"lovely bodywork, great headlights, goes like a train. ATCNBE"

 

Do you mean the lovely* Marina Wolter?

 

oldtimer-17661904956586870.jpg

 

If not, she probably needs mentioning too...


  • outlaw118 likes this

Never knowingly under-ambitious

 

'99 Land Rover Discovery ES V8

'97 Land Rover Discovery 300 TDi

'94 Vauxhall Calibra V6
'91 Maserati 222 SE

'88 Yamaha XJ900F

'86 Honda CBX 750F
'82 Suzuki GSX1100SZ Katana


#50 OFFLINE   quicksilver

quicksilver

    Renault 6 rescuer

  • Full Members
  • 1,716 posts
  • 5 thanks
  • Locationthe universe of infinite turtles
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 11:31 AM

Engine bummage/engine rape: removal of the engine from a fine and serviceable piece of shite in order to improve* a wanky scene mobile, usually followed by selling the sad remains on ebay. Often committed against poor innocent Allegros and Metros by Mini owners.


Always look on the Shite side of life

 

1999 Vauxhall Zafira - shit or shite?

1978 Austin Maxi - proper shite or proper classic?

1972 Renault 6 - genuine garage find

 

Rusty Old Rubbish - a shite blog about shite and stuff


#51 OFFLINE   John F

John F

    Rank: Schütze Arsch

  • Full Members
  • 6,832 posts
  • 32 thanks
  • LocationMidgard
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 11:44 AM

I have trouble feeling sorry for Allegros and Metros, but that's because we all have a different idea of what autoshite is (curiously enough, we usually all seem to agree on what it ISN'T, though).

 

So this is probably a good juncture to introduce Canadian artist Alex Colville's picture "Horse and Train".

 

Colville_04.jpg

 

It often gets posted whenever there's an unresolvable difference of opinion in a thread, or when a contributor makes an unsupportable comment (e.g. "Metros make excellent long distance tow vehicles - amazingly, this extremely wrong thing HAS been claimed in these hallowed pages) or when toys are in mid-air on their way out of the pram for any other reason.

 

Autoshite contributor TooSavvy (q.v.) has a user pic loosely based on this picture where a horse-headed Lancaster bomber is dropping its load on Thomas the Tank Engine.


  • chaseracer and tooSavvy like this

Never knowingly under-ambitious

 

'99 Land Rover Discovery ES V8

'97 Land Rover Discovery 300 TDi

'94 Vauxhall Calibra V6
'91 Maserati 222 SE

'88 Yamaha XJ900F

'86 Honda CBX 750F
'82 Suzuki GSX1100SZ Katana


#52 OFFLINE   quicksilver

quicksilver

    Renault 6 rescuer

  • Full Members
  • 1,716 posts
  • 5 thanks
  • Locationthe universe of infinite turtles
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 12:10 PM

Velour: a seat covering often found in vehicles full of WIN. See also vinyl.


  • Junkman likes this

Always look on the Shite side of life

 

1999 Vauxhall Zafira - shit or shite?

1978 Austin Maxi - proper shite or proper classic?

1972 Renault 6 - genuine garage find

 

Rusty Old Rubbish - a shite blog about shite and stuff


#53 OFFLINE   vulgalour

vulgalour

    Rank: Margot Leadbetter

  • Full Members
  • 14,219 posts
  • 27 thanks
  • LocationMucking Fental
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 03:49 PM

BARJ - Large luxury* vehicle.



#54 OFFLINE   RedSparrow

RedSparrow

    Rank: Renault 16

  • Full Members
  • 4,559 posts
  • 0 thanks
  • LocationNorth Bohemia
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 03:56 PM

CPTC - Cat Piss Tarp Challenge. When posting shite spots, the challenge of guessing what vehicle lurks beneath an old builder's tarpaulin that smells of cat piss.


Conrad Knight Socks


#55 OFFLINE   Albert Ross

Albert Ross

    DRINK!

  • Full Members
  • 4,482 posts
  • 1 thanks
  • LocationLincoln
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 07:56 PM

"Crashing the Yogurt truck" Courtesy Pogweasel and others, literally an expression of severe oofage when a proper piece of chod is spotted, snapped, and produced on here in a spottage thread.


  • Twiggy likes this
Stormy Petrel on a stick!!

#56 OFFLINE   Justin Case

Justin Case

    Rank: Licenced to crenellate

  • Full Members
  • 2,351 posts
  • 3 thanks
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 08:13 PM

GLWTS - an expression of sympathy offered when a member is rash/daft enough to offer his P&J (qv) for sale in this forum. Literal translation is 'This car is too far away/too little/too big/too new/needs too much work'* for me and I would not touch it with a bargepole even if it wasn't but the bigger fool theory might just apply here'

* Other excuses are available

** Note alternative use of the asterisk to draw attention to footnotes

Shiters Syndrome - an irrational desire to swap an entirely suitable, reliable, rust-free and presentable but boring vehicle for one that only possesses the last of these attributes. See also dollywobbler :)
  • Twiggy and Laseraligningfoofooflanges like this
I tried to deny the existence of Ohm's Law, but I met too much resistance.

My photos: http://[email protected]/?saved=1

#57 OFFLINE   Formula Autos

Formula Autos

    Rank: Bedford CF A-framing a Renault 6

  • Full Members
  • 1,338 posts
  • 2 thanks
  • Locationin the glow of Sellafield
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 08:21 PM

Sherpa Cabrio/Coupe - MGB Roadster/GT

 

Cavalier in a shell suit - Vauxhall Calibra

 

Mondeo in a party frock - Ford Cougar

 

Pez - petrol

 

Dizzler - diesel

 

Dr. Diesel's evil invention - a compression ignition engine running on heavy fuel oil. A dizzler.

 

J-tin - A vehicle of Japanese origin.

 

Fugly - Worse than ugly. See also: gopping.

 

Moto-Scat - A breakaway movement from Autoshite, after a bit of a falling out. Aims to be more serious than AS. It's leader, Leonard Hatred (AKA Milford Cubicle/Marcello Gandini/Lacquer Peel/FOAD/plain old Len) can usually still be found on Autoshite though, as can some of the members of Moto-Scat - so it hasn't broken too far away.

 

OSF - Old Sporty Ford. Usualy subject to swingeing Scene Tax (see also). Most highly valuable OSFs can no longer be left parked on the roadside, as they would be taken, post-haste, by theiving scrotes (NB: not to be confused with a Scote, which is a Ford Escort).

 

Gallic Quality Control - At its most rigorous this can include both a cursory glance AND a shrug of the shoulders.

 

Spaghetti Marelli - An italian automotive electronics firm. The world's leading purveyors of spaghetti electrics.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Hello to Jason Isaacs

Hello Buglers!


#58 OFFLINE   chaseracer

chaseracer

    Autoshite HR & Refereeing Solutions Ltd.

  • Staff
  • 11,301 posts
  • 47 thanks
  • Location127.0.0.1
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 08:36 PM

Shiters Syndrome - an irrational desire to swap an entirely suitable, reliable, rust-free and presentable but boring vehicle for one that only possesses the last of these attributes. See also dollywobbler :)

 

PMSL  :mrgreen:

 

The above is also the accepted general response to news of Ian's latest acquisition...  :wink:


  • Twiggy likes this

2009 Cannondale Quick CX - too much like hard work
2003 Citroen Berlingo 2.0HDi - buggering on
1995 Peugeot 205 Inca 1.7D - several steps closer to a ticket...
1982 Citroen Dyane 6 - several steps further away...

AS Midland Massiv - in chod we rust...


#59 OFFLINE   vulgalour

vulgalour

    Rank: Margot Leadbetter

  • Full Members
  • 14,219 posts
  • 27 thanks
  • LocationMucking Fental
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 08:57 PM

Beware, Shiters Syndrome is contagious as I found when I replaced a reliable, unbroken, trustworthy Maestro with a rusty, questionable, broken Citroen BX courtesy of Mr Wobbler.  Thankfully, I knew what I was letting myself in for and openly embraced this situation.



#60 OFFLINE   CreepingJesus

CreepingJesus

    Rank Bajin

  • Full Members
  • 3,711 posts
  • 12 thanks
  • LocationHere Be Dragonnes
  • Country : Country Flag

Posted 11 June 2013 - 09:02 PM

Magic Smoke - the stuff inside Lucas electrical equipment of years gone by, which would sometimes escape, causing a 'Failure To Proceed'. Available by the bottle on eBay.

 

Failure To Proceed - it was working ten minutes ago, now it isn't. And I need to get home.

 

Wanli Ditchfinder/Hwa Fong Slidemaster - cheap nasty shitty Chinese tyres, only available from dodgy backstreet tyre shops, and Kwik Fit. Made of secondhand chewing gum glued to recycled baling wire, curiously they have neither grip nor durability. See also Stomil, Barum, Double Coin and many others.

 

RESTECP - maybe another internets mis-spell meme, but it's an indication that any sense of respect has been lost, or never did exist.

 

Winnar - probly another internets mis-spell meme, but it's an indication that the person on whom it is bestowed has truly gone above and beyond*.

 

A-Frame - a method of towing a possibly dead car, with a passably alive one. Extra kudos gained from towing something of roughly equal mass to the towcar, over a long distance. Towing a Metro with a Discovery, 40 miles is good. Towing a Discovery with a Metro from Central France to Dingwall is for winnars. Restecp.

 

Arnold Clark - honest* upright* purveyor of quality used cars* and garage services* to the masses*. A byword for keen prices and quality services, guaranteed to bring out at least ten posters who've experienced the quality* at some time.


  • chaseracer, Formula Autos, catsinthewelder and 1 other like this

...as the actress said to the bishop.

 

Truck magazine scans!

 

Some short stories of mine...





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users