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Postcards from the hedge
Posted 03 November 2007 - 10:56 AM
That's what they told me at the Secure Unit.
I am enjoying this thread Ghiaman, you are clearly certifiable.
Can I play this game?
A little further Maude- ooh, yeah that's the spot
ENEMY INVASION UNDER WAY
Hope everybody will play the game, all you need is a scanner & a copy of the Yellow Book...
Posted 03 November 2007 - 11:13 AM
Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:15 PM
RTL - that's what I was thinking of. I knew it wasn't a Routemaster but I just couldn't think what they were instead. It's been a while since I was bus mad.
I'm sorry to be pedantic (no I'm not I'm positively relishing it ) but neither of the London Buses are Routemasters, the bottom one is definitely an RTL. the Leyland version of the bus that went before the Routemanster
Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:41 PM
Damn you parasol world and your stylish but impractical wares!!
Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:46 PM
Drift Cock ahead.
Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:53 PM
Lovely little cottage with a picket fence ahead.
Posted 03 November 2007 - 01:57 PM
Posted 03 November 2007 - 03:58 PM
Time for the advertising break...
Sick of calling him Gary? Why not RENAME YOUR CHILD AFTER AN UNSTABLE AREA OF THE MIDDLE EAST, e.g. GULF (illustrated). Also available: IRAN, IRAQ, FALLUJA, HELMAND PROVINCE, BASRA and GAZA STRIP
Do you think it's OK to drive after you've had a few bevvies? Think it proves you're more of un homme? Are you a complete twat? Then you'll be wanting this magnifique HENRY PAUL FRENCH DRESSING SHIRT, as (might have been) worn by the cocksure asshole whose idiocy slew Princess Diana. (With sew-on Frog flag to make it look a bit more French (55p extra)).
Do you love teddy bears? Did you used to enjoy watching the Onedin Line? Yes to both questions? We thought so! (they usually go together). Now is your chance to satisfy both passionate interests at a stroke with THE ONEDIN LINE IN TEDDIES. Figures include such beloved favourites as OLD AAARR ONEDIN and ROGER THE CABINBOY (aka Agrippa).
If you are a bald git with ill-fitting trousers and a silver Porsche 911 you'll be wanting to conceal at least one of those embarrassing facts. Obviously you'll have to see a milliner about the baldness and hope that if ever she comes back to you (ha, ha, chance would be a fine thing) or you manage to marry someone else, a woman will one day help you to buy decent clothes. We can, however, help you to solve the problem of that vulgar car! You need a patent SHITE COVER. Sadly, it doesn't disguise the uniquely ugly shape of the piece-of-crap in question, but it might go some way towards preserving property values in your street and the immediate fallout area.
Posted 03 November 2007 - 05:01 PM
and in future years give us an easy CPTC!
Sadly, it doesn't disguise the uniquely ugly shape of the piece-of-crap in question, but it might go some way towards preserving property values in your street and the immediate fallout area.
Posted 03 November 2007 - 08:07 PM
Cyanide Poisoning Treatment Coalition? Crap Parked Turbo Car?
and in future years give us an easy CPTC!
Sorry, you'll have to let me in on that one, too much of a newby
Anyway, here's the Autoshite driver's most dreaded sign:
Posted 04 November 2007 - 07:24 AM
...and him, Balkie:
from Land of the Bulgars. Probably you seen Mr Niceguy himself, Mikahil Palin, visit Bulgaria recent on TV and wonder where the fuck everyone is?
Hey, Andrea, don't say 'fuck' on TV, is not nice.
Two things, Balkie: (1) don't call me 'Andrea', is girl's name. And (2) this not TV, Stupid. This Internet where it OK to say 'fuck'.
Two things to you, then: (1) You don't mind get called Andrea in Bulgaria. Is your name. And (2) Mikahil Palin never say 'fuck', so don't you say it either, you dirty Przmalsk.
Hey! Don't say Przmalsk! That really is dirty...OK, we kiss & make up.
Yes, kiss & make up and get on with postcards while Mr Ghiaman still asleep, lazy dog. OK, is first Socialist Postcard, HOTEL BESKID, NOWY SACZ, POLANDIA:
Hmm, quite good hotel with special small window in every room which guest can open after he receive written permission from management, only 5,000 Zlotys.
Nice hotel. Nice.
Let's have close-up of local Autoshite, full of Eastern promise:
Posted 04 November 2007 - 07:52 AM
Yes, is nice. But now we worry because close-up reveal guest on balcony with prostitute. Is not nice. You see them standing above white car on left. Dirty dogs!
Yes, dirty bastards. I like concrete flowerpots outside. Nice touch, brightens up forecourt.
Yes, nice. OK, now we got to HOTEL RIGA in RUSE in own Motherland, BULGARIA:
Hey, you didn't put that in straight, stupid Przmalsk!
Don't say that dirty word I tell you.
You said worst word in English just now anyway.
What that worst word?
Oh shit, yes. Should not have said. Only blackboys allowed to say that on TV. Sorry. OK, let's look at close-up of Bulgarian Autoshite. Here we have eight cars, a bit of a traffic problem:
Yes, but grey car on right is hotel mock-up to justify use of concrete for carpark.
OK, is so. Hey, Balkie, did anyone ever tell you you look like Mr Alan Titchmarsh?
Alan Titchmarsh? That dirty Prsmalsk! Don't you ever say that again, Andrea. You make me very angry. (Want to look like Mr Monty Don instead).
Posted 04 November 2007 - 10:33 AM
Cat Piss Tarp Challenge - everytime a car under a tarpaulin is spotted we try to guess what it is. Sometimes it's really easy (like your Porsche one should be) other times it definitely isn't!.Cyanide Poisoning Treatment Coalition? Crap Parked Turbo Car?
and in future years give us an easy CPTC!
Sorry, you'll have to let me in on that one, too much of a newbie
I think Andrea looks like a young Des Lynam.
You've got a very active imagination Mr Karmann Ghiaman, have you ever considered children's TV?
Posted 04 November 2007 - 12:37 PM
You realise this one Andrea? Now I start write like, is not nice. Balkie says: Des Lynam is much of a man with big, big tache. We want grow big taches too, but have removed facial hair to fit in better at Capitalist West (don't worry, will grow back when go home, get marry). Des Lynam, this man we love. He look man enough to be Bulgar; not like other fairy-cakes on TV, e.g. Frank Bough, Noel Edmonds, Peter Purves, etc.
DUCK, IT'S NOEL FUCKING EDMONDS
Posted 04 November 2007 - 09:00 PM
Here are a few shitespots from an afternoon's walk within four streets of my home. The pavement was strewn with dead rockets and some of the cars seemed to be covered in extra firework shite (neither of my cars luckily). Mother Nature's autumn detritus added to the general shitelike ambiance:
This man around the corner is a conoisseur of crap Passat estates:
The Japanese are doing very well in the next street:
Had to walk round to check that both front wheel arches had gone. They had:
Another superb piece of Oriental engineering:
Although we British gave them a run for their money...
...ultimately it was the Scandinavians who won the day!
Also lucky enough to spot Futureshite:
Posted 05 November 2007 - 07:17 AM
Getting back on track, DER VOELKERSCHLACHTDENKMAL in LEIPZIG long before the Wall came down:
Careful investigation reveals that the yellow Ford is a visitor from the West complete with D plate &, I think, a Leverkusen registration. Can anybody explain the mysterious chrome handle above the rear wheel of the red* car? (Note Little Maddie inside the red car too). The grey hubcapless Trabant is more like it, but perhaps that blue rubbish bin is the final touch. Obviously they laid out their extensive carparks before actually facing the problem of manufacturing any vehicles to fill them.
Anybody else got similar postcards? The Dutch ones were really rather lovely
*It is red in the original, but turns orange when posted.
Posted 05 November 2007 - 09:12 AM
Autoshite Lanna Correspondent Breaking: V.850, 214/6, 205, 306, JustyGX, Niva
Tat: Samara 1.5, Ronda 216, MR2, RAV, JustyAWD, PleasureWagon, 600Sporting*, MX-5, ZXestate, Rover, Thai 850 2.3 20v LPG.
A.R.S.E. Delivery Service
Posted 05 November 2007 - 09:59 AM
Posted 05 November 2007 - 11:15 AM
Is that really true about the fishing?!? How many of them must have driven into the hole?!!!!???
It reminds me of the story about the Americans who go ice fishing & decide to use dynamite to blow a hole in the frozen lake. The guy lights the fuse, chucks the explosives as far as he can...
...and Ol' Yeller, his faithful hound, runs after the stick of TriNitroTolulene and brings it back to the idiots, wagging his tail. Luckily there was still time to throw it again, this time under his brand new Isuzu Trooper, parked near the other guys' 4x4s on the ice.
All the vehicles & Ol' Yeller were destroyed. The men got an honourable mention in the Darwin Awards.
Posted 05 November 2007 - 04:58 PM
Posted 05 November 2007 - 07:57 PM
As for Doris - not sure that the East German authorities actually provided a 'tea shop' in the HEROIC PEOPLE'S MEMORIAL TO THE GREAT PATRIOTIC VICTORY AGAINST THE FASCIST BEAST, but she might be able to get a lukewarm can of Commie Cola (flat) at a small state-run stall near the 'Inscription of Eternal Gratitude to Comrade Stalin and the Glorious Red Army' (Nachkameradschtalinuntdasherrlichrottearmeeewigdankbarkeitsaufschrift) on the other side of the Denkmal. I believe this was during the memorable occasion in 1974 when Sid drove onto the wrong ferry during their attempted 'day trip to the Isle of Wight' so that he, Doris and the Rover ended up, six weeks later, in Ngorny Karavach with an extra 23,000 miles on the clock.
Posted 05 November 2007 - 09:23 PM
Not a handle, but a chrome trim on one of a pair of 'Prince Charles's ears' air scoops for the rear mounted engine.
Can anybody explain the mysterious chrome handle above the rear wheel of the red* car?
Posted 06 November 2007 - 02:40 AM
79 T Ford Cortina 2.0S
01 51 Vectra SRI 150
02 02 MG ZT 190
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