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It wasnt always this way


Arthur-walker

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Just to let you know folks that i am standing down now as king. I have had enough, people have started to recognise me on the street as that guy that is in charge of everything. I don't like people looking my way folks, i guess i can;t handle fame, i am not fit to be king, I hand over my title to someone else who is worthy of the title - i feel you should be able to vote who is most worthy though i ralise i am hard to replace. I believe there is already counceling centres set up for anyone who is finding it hard to cope without me. I do offer good rates for those who would like me to come round to their house and pretend to be king for a day.I know you's will miss me. Remember all those fun times we had? Remember that time i jumped off the roof of the pub and smashed my face of the ground really hard and shattered my jaw? or the time i took 10 + eccies and ended up kidnapping myself and was found chained to the fence outside my boss's house. Before you's think i am totally gone mad, i have bought an austin maestro and this is all that i will ahve left to associate me with authoshite. Otherwise i am sure you will agree i have very little in common with yous so i am not osting here ever again. Bye.Your ex king arthur

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Got bog all sleep last night, basically nattering to Jo and doing odd jobs round teh house till gone midnight - hit the sack, next thing Jo is waking me up to say the elecky has gone off but the house alarms in the area havent, so she thinks its our breaker board that has tripped (which its done a couple of times when something like the dryer has been switched on). Anyway 3am im buggering about with the breaker board, everything tickety boo there, tries my next door neighbours security light on his drive (clad only in a dressing gown) - no joy with that, so has a little wander, place accross road has power, street lights have power, Road round corner has power, just seems to be my house and a couple of others, and the street light directly opposite. Weird.

 

Phone the Norweb Federation 24 hour hotline - now that was bizarre, I phoned it and this automated voice told me what property I was calling from - talk about big brother... Anyway turns out they are doing work on one of the phases at the main substation near us and hence why some houses have power and some dont as only one phase out of the three was shut off.

 

So i returned to bed, tossed and turned and failed to get to sleep for about a hour only to be woken from my doze later by the sound of our house alarm kicking off as teh power flipped in and out again in quick sucession.

 

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Woke up this morning knackered.

 

Made contact today with an old mate of mine (Nick) - we fell out when i discoverd him shagging my bird at the time (Psychopath Sian) whom he later married then subseqently divorced when she went off shagging anything else in pants with a fat wallet (I always thought she left me because I was 16 without a car, and he was 17 with an Austin Maestro).

 

Anyway, turns out he is bald, living in Swindon and in a band. Rides a mountain bike too.

 

Sorry Arthur, did you say something then?

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I'll have a pointless ramble now too I think. :lol: For the last few months I have had a letter incorrectly delivered to me at around the same time each month. It’s evidently someone’s statement from a local garage. They live at the same house number and street name but in the next town, about three miles away.Each time it arrives I put it back in the post and return to sender and each month I come home to find it on the doormat again. Sometimes it’s even been the same one which comes back franked twice.I’ve written on the envelope explaining that they have the wrong place and circled the town on the address, I’ve even written comments in a jovial manner all over the envelope to see if they get the point but still it comes back. Last time (the 6th or 7th time) I even took it back to the garage to explain the situation.It’s partly their fault because the postcode is incomplete but mainly the postman because he obviously struggles to determine which village he’s in at any one time.It came back again yesterday. I’m slowly losing the will to live. :roll:

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Time for my ramble, I've found an ace new Galant "cruising station" on the radio, which I didn't know existed. It's somewhere in the high numbers on MW, I've yet to preset it but I suspect I'll be putting it on button 2 or 3. The only problem is, when I get to Outwood it goes a bit mad and whistly, so I have to turn it off for 10 minutes. One time there was a really good tune on and I was approaching Outwood, I was very tempted to park up at the side of the road to let it play out completely, but I couldn't really find anywhere appropriate to park. It's a big straight road, there's one bit where I'd be able to park but there's a scary old man sits there most days, on the bench near the traffic lights. I'm always worried when I have to pull up to a red light with him there, I tend to double check all my door locks.Anyhow it went all fuzzy and whistly by then, so I had to turn it off.

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The radio reception in both my 405s is poor. I think I need longer aerials.Also, the new paint finish on the estate's bonnet is quite rough. Do we think 2000 grit sandpaper might sort it?New windscreen tomorrow.

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Gosh Mr W, I completely forgot! Sorry for being useless!Today though I walked around to Chris the Cobler to get three keys cut, he was out and the sign on the shop window said he'd be back in three minutes so I called my wife for a chat and when Chris came back I hung up and checked my phone and I'd been waiting seven minutes. I noticed that Chris had been to the shop and bought two cans of Budweiser. He cut the keys well, no problems but I won't use a cobbler that drinks Bud for pleasure, I shan't be going back

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Gosh Mr W, I completely forgot! Sorry for being useless!

S'OK - National Mobile Windscreens are doing it for £110 all-in.Why is it that shoe repairers also cut keys, anyway? It's not like the skills are complimentary...
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Just the other day I bought 60 feet of new fencing for the front of our garden, to cover all the frontage. My brother in law got it for us at a bargain price of 220 quid all in (gravel boards/concrete posts and double palisade flat top panels) Cost me 44 quid for the concrete (hand mixed) and my two sons in law put it all up ( I would say erected but it's a rude word these days) Or is that son-in-laws?................Anyway, I was told by my wife, that our honeysuckle had becomed dislodged from it's trellis on the side fence, and we should really try to put it back up. I failed dismally, and it broke. Well, I travelled to three or four local garden centres, and there were no young plants to be found, they were all established plants, at 7 quid or so. I only had a tenner on me, and wanted to go to Morrisons to take advantage of their 4 for a fiver deal on real ales (bottled) So imagine my surprise when in Morrisons, to find a range of climbing plants, including Honeysuckle! There were 5 varieties, early and late Dutch, (sounds like a movie channel) A pink one, a white one, and the one I settled on, the yellow one, as ours previous one was a Golden colour. We now wait to see if it flowers next year............Oh yes, and I just bought a Sierra Sapphire on a G plate, 1.8L in white. Does anyone have a short beak bonnet??

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I'm glad Arthur is no longer king & has gone off to Avalon with Brian Ferry & those skinny '70s supermodels. Lady of the Lake, my arse. He (Arthur, not Brian) was OK, but there was all that constant questing & they never did really find the so-called Grail, did they? (Well, OK, maybe Galahad did, but he was a pompous, soppy twat, so it's no wonder). Half the Dark Ages poor old Arthur had no idea that Guinevere was having it off with Lancelot; but that's what comes of letting French knights in on your Round Table, isn't it?

 

My money's on Albert. He would make a much better King, and he's got honeysuckle from Morrisons, even more of a miracle than finding the Holy Grail. Albert for King - or at least Prince Consort.

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